Different

Remember that night you touched my face, and gently kissed me?
It was so sweet.
There were so many intense kisses.
My mind was racing, heart pacing.
I knew your reputation.
They said you were a player, that I'd be a fool to be involved.
But, in that moment I thought I was different.
You were different.
Wrapped in your embrace, looking deeply at your face, I someone how thought we could be different.

Remember that drive in the car?
You seemed a little nervous.
And, I thought it was little cute.
We talked, and somehow I felt I was seeing a different side of you.
So I showed you another side of me.
I opened up about  my passions, my fears, my family.
Neither of us wanted to be rebound loves.
Confiding in one another, I somehow thought this was the start of something different.
In that moment I thought I was different.
You could be different.

We would cast away the mistakes we made in past loves.
We would be friends first, and we would be honest even if it hurt.
This I thought would be different.

The few dinners we had, I didn't want to end.
The talking, the conversation, the eye gazing.
You were engaged in my every word.
When you spoke I felt you believed in me.
In all your talents, I'm not sure you really believed in you.
I could see you were unsure, self conscience, and doubtful of what you could be.
You were so much like me.
I shut the door to say goodnight, and in my heart I thought this will be different.

Who knew that night, when I shut the door, I would be shutting it for good.
Closing the door on our friendship, and a trusting part of me.
Days passed with no call, no explanation at all.
I knew then I was different, I was cushioning your fall.
You were no different than those other guys..the ones that talk sweet and then leave.
A man who held onto feelings for a past love, unable to confront them.
Used women along the wall to comfort his lonliness.
No, you were no different after all.

What fool am I to expect that your words were honest, and true.
The many days, weeks, I wasted being angry with you.
How I doubted myself, and what I could give.
All so you could feel better.
You couldn't even say it to my face, you sent a stupid letter.
No you were no different at all.

You stood there and took the words because you knew they were true.
You would run back to her, not caring who your hurt or how they fell for you.

I held onto to it.
Feel bitter, let down, considered shutting down a bit.
I could not understand, why you could not be a man.
Tell me how you felt, knowing with honesty I would understand.
You may not know this about me but I am so different.

I'm not a girl you can play with and toss out.
I won't let your weakness break me.
It all make me a little bit stronger, makes my a little bit skin thicker.
And, while you were not strong enough to stand tall.
I refuse to let your weakness make me fall.
Because now I am different.

I will keep my heart a lot closer now.
I won't be so quick to trust a smooth talker.
I know now I have to keep a close eye on who I let into my life.
And, for that I thank you.
It was a lesson learned.

Some girls would crumble, give up after being played by you.
But, I thank God I am different.
And, I refused to be broken because of you.

Mr. Disney I'd like a Refund

Excuse  me Mr. Walt Disney I would like a refund. For what you ask? All the fairytale non-sense I've been buying into since I was a little girl. I  know you can't give me back the time I've spent buying into these fairytales but I think we can work something out. How about  a spot on the writing team when you all think up your next princess tale. I'd like to give it a real world spin.

Cause, I have to tell you Mr. Disney falling in love is nothing like that Cinderella, Snow White stuff you've been pushing. In the real world Mr. Disney men don't know what the hell they want. They are afraid of commitment, they stand you up, and more men are concerned with playing the field than playing prince.

In modern times, Mr. Disney real woman have to save themselves. And, we can't drop the walls of our hearts so easily anymore. We've been played so many times by dogs pretending to be princes it will take more than a few sweet kisses to win our hearts. Do you think you can put some of that realness into your next princess film ? You think you could teach our little girls to be strong, independent, and brave without a man ?

Cause the truth is, sometimes the prince doesn’t come when you want him and you’re so tired of waiting its doesn’t seem magical or lovely anymore. Mr. Disney this faiytale stuff is cute, but it's time to grow up.

 Because in the real life once the reception is over, the magical forest animals have gone back home, and if you do finally land your prince you both will find happily ever after doesn’t come easy. It doesn’t fade into black, with the lovers walking into a happy future. It’s a road paved with discovery, disappointment, heartache, and reality my friends is not always as sweet as those movies you make.

Let's talk Mickey and Minnie Mouse for example what is really going on there.  It's time for those mice to stop hiding the real stuff. I know the  old mouse doesn’t want us  to see how non-committal Minnie is, or how lonely he finds himself at home, or why things, life, circumstances never bring him and Minnie any closer to real love, commitment, or unity.

Or how about that Cinderella 2 movie. This is the movie  where you see what life is like once Cinderella finally lives in the castle.  I’ll tell you in the hour movie I only saw Prince Charming like once. Did Cinderella know she signed up for a life in which her Prince was gone all the time?  There wouldn’t be those magical, steamy romantic nights she dreamt of, because the Prince is not available. He’s out on business and she relegated to hosting castle parties, finding solace in her magical mice friends who don’t really understand. But in happily ever after, these things are never discussed. You see Prince Charming come home and somehow no love is lost between them and everything is beautiful. We all know real love doesn’t work that way.
So come on Mr. Disney either start telling the real stories or please just give me a refund. This princess is so over the fairydust, and magical tales.

Beauty & The Cute Girl

We all know how to spot a gorgeous, beautiful woman. She has this effortless gracefulness to her. It's the softness of her skin, the lightness in her eyes, the way her hair falls, it's the curves of her body.  She's beautiful without even really trying. It's the ever slight reveal of clevage, the fit of her clothes. A beautiful woman is the combination of physical appeal. and confidence. I often find myself wondering how these beautiful, gorgeous woman do it ? Do they roll out of bed sexy ? Is it something in their genes ? It's like the popular girl in school who seemed beautiful beyonds her years, where does that come from ?

Beautiful, gorgeous women  make looking good seem effortless as if beauty came to them in their sleep.  It's the way the statement, 'She's beautiful,' escapes the lips before even thinking of the woman's nature or demeanor. It seems at times beautiful, gorgeous people have magnetic power. I spent years in the beauty/fashion care buisness so I've seen my fair share of beautiful women. But, there's another woman who is sometimes overlooked, one I've come to known for the past 26 years. She doesn't always have the latest trends, and wears just enough makeup to conceal the dark circles under her eyes. She's the cute girl, and while she may not catch your eye at first glance, she's worth a double take.

A relative once described 'cute girls' to me this way, 'Lauren it's a good thing you are cute and pretty. You're cute enough to not intimidate people, but pretty enough to get their attention.' I didn't really know what to make of the statement at first.  Was this a compliment ? Upon further thinking, I decided while I may not be the girl people describe as hot or gorgerous there's something great about being a cute girl.

Cuteness I admit is hard to bottle up and sell. It's the mixture of quirky without being too corny, and sassy without having too much attitude. Cute is being put together, but not exactly fashion forward. It's talking with your hands to emphasis a conversation, it's ripping out fashion articles to copy the style only to realize it doesn't quite work. Cute is passing off a bad hair day with a head band and calling it chic. It's calling jeans and t-shirts a fashion staple. It's being the one everyone remembers in high school as one of the band nerds.

Cute is knowing a smile can cure most akwardness. Cute is having a passion for cupcakes and chocolate even if it does mess up your figure. Cute is being in a room full of hot females and knowing no one is giving you the stink eye. Cute is feeling just fine sipping a beer with the guys, and not caring if none of them want to date you. Cute is often feeling most comfortable around the boys playing video games or watching movies . But, sometimes being cute sucks.

Sometimes cutes means being looked over, being the friend instead of the girlfriend. It means playing it safe,  not asking the guy out, playing by the rules, and accepting what comes. Cute means hearing the hot guy talk about his other hot girl that isn't you. My cutie pies out there all know how this feels. It's days like this I know we all wish we could bottle up that gorgeous Kardashion, JLO sexy and drown ourselves in it.

While I know I've grown a lot since my one relative explained this cuteness theory, I still find myself wearing the cute badge for several reasons. For starters it's all I know. And, secondly the times I try to put on the sexy it just doesn't fit. It feels akward, forced, and somehow I can tell people know it's not genuine. I try to tread the line of hotness then something happens. I trip in heels, the bra doesn't hold up right, I blurt out the wrong thing, the makeup doesn't quite look like the picture in the magazine I praticed two days prior, my  eyebrows are bushy, and then I realize who am I kidding I will always be a cute girl at heart.Something in me lets out a laugh, exhales, and realizes I don't need anyone's defition of hot to box me in. I'm cute damn it, and not everyone can say that. Maybe the hot girls should be taking notice of us cute girls. I mean everyone remembers the cute girls, Punky Brewster, what little girl didn't want to be here? Rudy from The Cosby Show, classic cute girl. Blossom. The hot girls can have their beauty.. cute girls have way more fun.

My Rocky Love Obession

 Those of you who knew me back in high school probably remember me for about three things: First, I was a marching band geek who dedicated all of my free time to color guard and the clarinet. Second I was quite quirky, and goofy. Thirdly, and probably the most notable - I'm a HUGE Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fan. I still remember the first time I saw the Rock in the ring. I'm going to sound like a fanatic here, but I totally got goosebumps.

If you've seen The Rock wrestle you know he's a showman. He entertains you with his humor, amazes you with his athleticism, and who can forget that amazing eyebrow thing he does ? My Rock obsession started off really small at first. I started watching WWF with my good friend Michelle, and at first it was just a few shows here and there. Then it turned into a full on habit. We started watching Raw and Smackdown every week, and we begged her mom to order the Pay-Per-View wrestling matches that costs $30 a month. Thankfully she did. We bonded over our common love of wrestling. And, we went all out. We made posters and signs for Pay-Per-View nights, and often find ourselves yelling at the T.V. screen when one of our guys lost.

I can't say my love for The Rock was like a school girl crush. I didn't love 'The Rock' the way I loved LLCOOL J or NSync. Those crushes were superficial soley based on looks. My love for The Rock was much deeper.  The Rock's character was so confident, charming, and strong so many things I wasn't in high school. And, watching him lay the smack down on his opponents in the ring made me want to face my own demons like the kids that picked on me or the insecurities that held me back as a teen. While The Rock didn't cure those things he sure got my mind off of them for a while.

I then started collecting and buying anything I could find with the Rock on it. Through magazine articles, and his book I learned more about the man behind the character. What I discovered made me love him more.

These are just a few

I finally collected enough Rock magazines and article clippings to put together this massive fan book.

It's filled with magazine articles I can't count how many.

The son of a black father and a Samoan mother Dwayne Johnson had big shoes to follow. His father Rocky Johnson ( hence the name) was a wrestler in the 1960's. But, Dwayne had dreams of playing in the NFL. He played for the Miami Hurricanes in college, and had a real shot of going pro until an injury sidelined those dreams.  But,  Dwayne didn't give up. He packed up and went to Canada to play for the Canadian Football League in hopes of getting into the NFL draft. After giving it all he had, Dwayne came back home to train as a professional wrestler. His drive sparked something in me to dig deep, and push harder for the things I wanted. He really was a big motivator for me in high school. I found it so admirable that he never gave up, on his dreams. And, when things didn't work out he picked himself up and tried again.

This blog wouldn't be complete without writing about the one time I got to see The Rock wrestle live in Richmond. It was by far one of the best days of my life. Me, my friend Michelle, her brother, and our chaperone had nose blood seats. But, that didn't matter I was just happy to be there. I can still remember the anticipation I felt waiting for him to come out. And, when his theme music came on, "If you smell what the Rock is cooking," I broke down in tears. Yes the hysterical fanatic cry. I could barely see him, but I felt so happy to be in the same building as the Rock, to breathe his air, and scream from the tops of lungs how much I loved him. Maybe he heard me in the noisy arena. If the Lord ever blesses me to meet him face to face I might have a heart attack.

I followed The Rock's career past wrestling as well. I mean seriously this man can do anything. He made a single with Wyclef Jean, had several rocking  appearances on SNL, and now he's doing his thing on the silver screen. Did I mention that Walking Tall is my favorite Rock movie? Or maybe Be Cool, or Tooth fairy. I've seen them. I can get quite loud watching a Rock movie, clapping, and squealing when he's on camera.

I have a Rock cutout at my parents house, a Rock wrestling eyebrow pad, a pair of Rock glasses, and I seriously thought about getting a tattoo of the Brahma Bull on my arm like he has. Thankfully I didn't.  I don't quite have the muscular build to make it look cool. And, I always carry a digital camera around in case I happen to have a Rock encounter. The chances of meeting The Rock in my current city is quite slim, but a girl has got to be prepared.

 I think a good celebrity love affair can be quite healthy. One reason we're drawn to celebrities is because they often have a personality trait, or strength we lack. As someone who struggled to be confident in her own skin in high school, it's no wonder I'm drawn to such a confident, charismatic celebrity. And, the fact that most celebrities start off as regular joes like you and me shows that big dreams are possible. After almost 10 years of this Rocky love affair I don't think it's something that will pass. My future husband will just have to live with my Rock love affair. And, he'll have to realize that the man with the chiseled body, raising eyebrow, and tattoos is a man who made me when laugh when I felt like crying... helped me believe in myself... and made me look at any obstacle and think "Just Bring It"  I mean who remembers how their role models made them feel as kid? The superheroes  who made us believe anything was possible, and  even when its tough the good guys really do win....  To the Rock - for the laughs... the excitement... the inspiration.. As your biggest fan I'm grateful!

My Drive, My Inspiration

A few months ago I was asked to speak to a group of teenage girls about being a broadcast journalist. The organizers wanted me to share with the girls why I decided to enter the field of television, and hopefully inspire them to pursue their dreams.  I thought I'd share the words from my speech with all of you.

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

I haven’t always wanted to be a reporter. When I was younger I wanted to be a child psychologist.  But, something changed my second year of college. I took a public speaking class, and it was the one class I actually leapt out of bed to attend. I liked my psychology classes, but I loved giving speeches and writing new stories each class. When the semester ended the professor asked if I had ever considered a career in broadcast journalism. The answer: I never thought being a television reporter was even an option for me. But, with her encouragement I quickly changed my major and fell in love with broadcast journalism.  I learned the incredible power journalism has to effect change, open people eyes, and provide a voice for the voiceless. 

But, getting a job in this business isn’t easy. I worked two jobs after college just to keep a part time job at a television station in Richmond. I worked as a production assistant, director, teleprompter operation, web producer, and feature writer at that station. After a year and a half of that I landed  a job in Lynchburg as a reporter.

What I love most about this job is having the opportunity to meet so many people like you and tell your stories.

My day typically starts off with a strong cup of coffee or at least two cups of tea. Most journalists drink coffee like water to keep going. Of all the newscasts morning news is my favorite. In the morning I watch snippets of  CNN,GMA, and the Today show to see what the big talking points of the day are. When I head into the office I check my emails to see if any contacts sent story ideas or comments on a story. I check stories from previous newscasts to see if there’s anything to follow up on. I try to read as many headline stories as I can,  and then I make beat calls.  From all of that I pick two or three solid stories I know I can develop that day and head to the morning meeting where we all discuss which stories to cover. For me morning meetings are probably one of the toughest parts of the day.

Once you’re done sweating, and discussing coverage for the day – the reporters head out to the field, gathering information with our photojournalists, often with no lunch breaks. It’s an interesting thing we do, one day we could be covering a house fire, or a story about Salvation Army, and another day we could be covering a story about the circus coming to town. And, then there's the deadline pressure. You have to get as much information as you can into a 1:20 story. And, get it all in before deadline. It can be challenging, but I think most journalists feed off of that adrenaline.

Even with all the work it took to become a reporter, my ambition didn’t go into overdrive until someone special in my life inspired me to dream big, bigger than I ever thought possible. The main reason I dove into this career path is my mother. She fought and beat breast cancer. And, her experiences showed me that life is precious. One day while she was going through chemotherapy she said something that still resonates with me everyday. And I hope it’s something you can identify with.

She said, “Lauren, I’ve waited so long to chase dreams, putting them off for another day or another year. I always told myself I would get back to them one day, but cancer has shown me you never know if you are going to get that day. So Lauren I want you to live. I want you do all the things you’ve put off doing, wear the dress you’ve been saving for a special day, and plan the trip you’ve always dreamt of, go for the job people say you can’t do."

And, I’m proud to say the reason I stand here today as a reporter is because I took my mom up on that challenge. I sent my resume into the job market with uncertainty, but even more determined  to keep pursuing this dream until it became reality.  My mother's cancer  is in remission, and each day I remember those words she said to me.

I would encourage you all to do the same thing. Chase every dream or endeavor you have no matter how out of reach it seems. Dreams are a snapshot of what God wants to bless you with if you only let Him – so I say to all of you take the chance.