Where the thoughts go when the IPOD Dies

The music starts, my breath is heavy, my legs are starting to burn a little, and then it gets good. My feet hit the pavement in rhythm with the music, my breathing gets in sync, and the burning fades away. This is the amazing feeling of running with an IPOD. I’m the kind of runner that trains with an IPOD regardless of what anyone says it motivates me. I freaking love my IPOD. I wake up, and turn my IPOD on. I put on my makeup, and I turn on my IPOD. I even have a slumber playlist for when I go to sleep.  My IPOD comes in handy the most when I’m hitting the pavement, getting a run in, or lifting weights at the gym. So imagine how lost I felt when my IPOD gave out on me during an 8k in Richmond.

It was right around mile two, and I was still on the slower pace songs.  My running play list is organized by tempo. It starts off with soft, slow tempo music then eventually picks up. Just as I was finding my stride without warning my IPOD turned off. I had forgotten to bring my IPOD charger. I was hoping I had enough juice to make it through the race. I was wrong.

 My mind began to race, what was I supposed to do with my thoughts? I usually mouth the words to the jams I’m running to keep my mind busy. All I could hear were the sounds of dozens of sneakers hitting the road, the few walkers chatting to pass time, and all the race route music. Then I began to notice all the cool things along the race route. There were people young and old standing with water, and PowerAde. I would grab a cup to quench my thirst, and hear the sounds of paper cups crunching beneath my feet. I took the time to read all the signs along the route, and I smiled with delight.  The signs read, “You’re doing great.” “You’ve got great stamina, call me.” There were really some creative ones out there. I noticed all the race bibs dedicated to people. “I’m running in honor or this person or that person.” It reminded me of my first Susan G. Komen run for my mother, an awesome breast cancer survivor.

Running through downtown Richmond, VCU, and the Fan so many memories started to wash over me. I saw the places I used to eat and cram for tests. I remembered all friends that used to live on those streets, and the great times I had in the River City. I ran my first race in Richmond, the Monument 10K. I was 30 pounds overweight and unsure if I could finish, but I made it.  It brought me joy to be racing this 8k a stronger, healthier person.

After mile three I had passed my running buddy. With the reminiscing behind me, I thought to myself I’m so thankful to be healthy enough to run this race. There are so many people who don’t know this blessing to be true in their lives. I kept counting the blessings in my life, my health, my career, my family, my true friends, and my dreams coming to pass. It was quite cleansing. As if the race could not get more interesting, I felt a pain in my right knee. I often get this aching pain in my knee, and sometimes I run it off. But, this time it lingered. It grew more and more intense. I wanted to stop and walk so bad, but I could feel how close I was to finishing. I kept thinking, Lord I don’t want to stop, help me run through this pain. The whole process made me think about my life again. As you can see I’m a thinker.  I’ve had my share of unexpected pain, the kind of pain that blindsides you, and makes you want to quit trying. It was the relationships that I wanted so bad to be forever, but somehow came up short. It was my mom’s cancer diagnosis on a fun, family night. It was the friends who walked out of my life when I needed them most. It was realizing the people who seemed so real never cared at all. I could have let those things stunt me, stop me, make me want to stop loving, giving, or living. In those moments, I got so close to giving up, when I realized I could not run this journey of life without my Heavenly Father. It was He who brought me through those things. You know how they say God is preparing you? I never knew what that meant before. I never understood how trials and tribulations prepare you for something greater. Sometimes the preparation hurts, it’s the bumps in the road, the obstacles that shape us the most. So I kept running through the pain.

 I was even further away from my running partner. I kept looking back to make sure she was close. In this journey of life there will be so many times you will have to run alone. Then what do you do? When you come home to find the only person there is you? When you want to call someone to discuss your day, and you realize everyone has their own troubles in life to worry about, you don’t want to add yours too. I know these statements to be true. And, yet I keep running. Because I know in this time God is defining my strength, and showing me that through Him all things are possible. I won’t need friends blowing up my phone, or a gentleman caller chasing after me, I  know now this stride of my life is meant to for me to learn how to love me. It’s a run that only I can finish. It’s a journey God has given me in preparation for something more. And, sometimes the steps hurt so bad. The runs get so lonely, and I all I want to do is call out to someone to run next to me. But, I know it’s ok. You learn the most about yourself when you learn to run alone.
I crossed the finish line this weekend, with heavy emotions. This time in my life is still not easy, but I know I’m training for something bigger, better, and God lead. And, I know when I finally finish this stretch I’m going to be so ready.

I'll Still Be Keeping Up With the Kardashians

I am probably going to get some flack for writing this. But, all things considered I know I'll still be Keeping Up With the Kardashians. I mean who else could have taught me the correct way to use "fab" or "glam" in a sentence? And, who could have made me appreciate leggings, and the use of the word "bible" as a replacement for the word "truth"? Paris Hilton's show certainly didn't give me that much material to work with. I'm just saying. NOw that Kim is calling it quits after 72 days of marriage a lot of folks are calling foul, and saying the Kardashians are money hungry bitches... and their show is fake... Well here's what I think..

This whole Kim Kardashian divorce announcement reminds me of the time I found out wrestling was fake. I won't lie the little wrestling lover in me was crushed. What do you mean all the moves are choregraphed, and the outcome is predetermined? How could this be? How could Vince McMahon do that?  But, I kept on watching. And, it wasn't the least bit disappointing. Those WWE people know how to write some stories lines. I am well aware that reality television is nothing it claims to be. The days of the true reality television are long gone. People on these reality television shows all know their role, their story line, and set up. And, many are using the show to be famous. I am well aware that producers stage shots. It is anything but reality. And, I know for the Kardashians their show is one long promotion of themselves.

Remember the "Real World" when it first came out? It was reality television at it's finest. You really got to see seven people picked to live in a apartment and really saw what happens when people stop being polite. The early seasons of the Kardashians were a lot like that. If you go back and watch it was the Kardashians in their truest form. Kim is struggling to be noticed by Hollywood, and her sisters are a bit envious that their sister is getting all their mom's attention. Before the baller husbands, the endorsement deals, the books, and fame.. it was just about a wealthy California family trying to noticed in Hollywood. It was entertaining to watch. Khloe with her insecurity issues, Kim with her hunger for fame, and Kourtney struggling with her loser boyfriend. Over the seasons you see what fame and spotlight does to even the wealthiest of families, how it tears at the self esteem, and at times makes you ditch your true self. I am not saying this is the writing of Oscar worthy drama but for a second there it sure was real.

And, now I have to suspend my disbelief a little more to enjoy it...just like those days when I watched the wrestling matches for the first time with new eyes. And, ya know what I think it will still be entertaining. It's my modern day Young & the Restless... It may not be completely real, but who says entertainment is supposed to be that anyway. Here's to Kim and Kourtney Take New York.. I'll be watching

Different

Remember that night you touched my face, and gently kissed me?
It was so sweet.
There were so many intense kisses.
My mind was racing, heart pacing.
I knew your reputation.
They said you were a player, that I'd be a fool to be involved.
But, in that moment I thought I was different.
You were different.
Wrapped in your embrace, looking deeply at your face, I someone how thought we could be different.

Remember that drive in the car?
You seemed a little nervous.
And, I thought it was little cute.
We talked, and somehow I felt I was seeing a different side of you.
So I showed you another side of me.
I opened up about  my passions, my fears, my family.
Neither of us wanted to be rebound loves.
Confiding in one another, I somehow thought this was the start of something different.
In that moment I thought I was different.
You could be different.

We would cast away the mistakes we made in past loves.
We would be friends first, and we would be honest even if it hurt.
This I thought would be different.

The few dinners we had, I didn't want to end.
The talking, the conversation, the eye gazing.
You were engaged in my every word.
When you spoke I felt you believed in me.
In all your talents, I'm not sure you really believed in you.
I could see you were unsure, self conscience, and doubtful of what you could be.
You were so much like me.
I shut the door to say goodnight, and in my heart I thought this will be different.

Who knew that night, when I shut the door, I would be shutting it for good.
Closing the door on our friendship, and a trusting part of me.
Days passed with no call, no explanation at all.
I knew then I was different, I was cushioning your fall.
You were no different than those other guys..the ones that talk sweet and then leave.
A man who held onto feelings for a past love, unable to confront them.
Used women along the wall to comfort his lonliness.
No, you were no different after all.

What fool am I to expect that your words were honest, and true.
The many days, weeks, I wasted being angry with you.
How I doubted myself, and what I could give.
All so you could feel better.
You couldn't even say it to my face, you sent a stupid letter.
No you were no different at all.

You stood there and took the words because you knew they were true.
You would run back to her, not caring who your hurt or how they fell for you.

I held onto to it.
Feel bitter, let down, considered shutting down a bit.
I could not understand, why you could not be a man.
Tell me how you felt, knowing with honesty I would understand.
You may not know this about me but I am so different.

I'm not a girl you can play with and toss out.
I won't let your weakness break me.
It all make me a little bit stronger, makes my a little bit skin thicker.
And, while you were not strong enough to stand tall.
I refuse to let your weakness make me fall.
Because now I am different.

I will keep my heart a lot closer now.
I won't be so quick to trust a smooth talker.
I know now I have to keep a close eye on who I let into my life.
And, for that I thank you.
It was a lesson learned.

Some girls would crumble, give up after being played by you.
But, I thank God I am different.
And, I refused to be broken because of you.

Mr. Disney I'd like a Refund

Excuse  me Mr. Walt Disney I would like a refund. For what you ask? All the fairytale non-sense I've been buying into since I was a little girl. I  know you can't give me back the time I've spent buying into these fairytales but I think we can work something out. How about  a spot on the writing team when you all think up your next princess tale. I'd like to give it a real world spin.

Cause, I have to tell you Mr. Disney falling in love is nothing like that Cinderella, Snow White stuff you've been pushing. In the real world Mr. Disney men don't know what the hell they want. They are afraid of commitment, they stand you up, and more men are concerned with playing the field than playing prince.

In modern times, Mr. Disney real woman have to save themselves. And, we can't drop the walls of our hearts so easily anymore. We've been played so many times by dogs pretending to be princes it will take more than a few sweet kisses to win our hearts. Do you think you can put some of that realness into your next princess film ? You think you could teach our little girls to be strong, independent, and brave without a man ?

Cause the truth is, sometimes the prince doesn’t come when you want him and you’re so tired of waiting its doesn’t seem magical or lovely anymore. Mr. Disney this faiytale stuff is cute, but it's time to grow up.

 Because in the real life once the reception is over, the magical forest animals have gone back home, and if you do finally land your prince you both will find happily ever after doesn’t come easy. It doesn’t fade into black, with the lovers walking into a happy future. It’s a road paved with discovery, disappointment, heartache, and reality my friends is not always as sweet as those movies you make.

Let's talk Mickey and Minnie Mouse for example what is really going on there.  It's time for those mice to stop hiding the real stuff. I know the  old mouse doesn’t want us  to see how non-committal Minnie is, or how lonely he finds himself at home, or why things, life, circumstances never bring him and Minnie any closer to real love, commitment, or unity.

Or how about that Cinderella 2 movie. This is the movie  where you see what life is like once Cinderella finally lives in the castle.  I’ll tell you in the hour movie I only saw Prince Charming like once. Did Cinderella know she signed up for a life in which her Prince was gone all the time?  There wouldn’t be those magical, steamy romantic nights she dreamt of, because the Prince is not available. He’s out on business and she relegated to hosting castle parties, finding solace in her magical mice friends who don’t really understand. But in happily ever after, these things are never discussed. You see Prince Charming come home and somehow no love is lost between them and everything is beautiful. We all know real love doesn’t work that way.
So come on Mr. Disney either start telling the real stories or please just give me a refund. This princess is so over the fairydust, and magical tales.

Beauty & The Cute Girl

We all know how to spot a gorgeous, beautiful woman. She has this effortless gracefulness to her. It's the softness of her skin, the lightness in her eyes, the way her hair falls, it's the curves of her body.  She's beautiful without even really trying. It's the ever slight reveal of clevage, the fit of her clothes. A beautiful woman is the combination of physical appeal. and confidence. I often find myself wondering how these beautiful, gorgeous woman do it ? Do they roll out of bed sexy ? Is it something in their genes ? It's like the popular girl in school who seemed beautiful beyonds her years, where does that come from ?

Beautiful, gorgeous women  make looking good seem effortless as if beauty came to them in their sleep.  It's the way the statement, 'She's beautiful,' escapes the lips before even thinking of the woman's nature or demeanor. It seems at times beautiful, gorgeous people have magnetic power. I spent years in the beauty/fashion care buisness so I've seen my fair share of beautiful women. But, there's another woman who is sometimes overlooked, one I've come to known for the past 26 years. She doesn't always have the latest trends, and wears just enough makeup to conceal the dark circles under her eyes. She's the cute girl, and while she may not catch your eye at first glance, she's worth a double take.

A relative once described 'cute girls' to me this way, 'Lauren it's a good thing you are cute and pretty. You're cute enough to not intimidate people, but pretty enough to get their attention.' I didn't really know what to make of the statement at first.  Was this a compliment ? Upon further thinking, I decided while I may not be the girl people describe as hot or gorgerous there's something great about being a cute girl.

Cuteness I admit is hard to bottle up and sell. It's the mixture of quirky without being too corny, and sassy without having too much attitude. Cute is being put together, but not exactly fashion forward. It's talking with your hands to emphasis a conversation, it's ripping out fashion articles to copy the style only to realize it doesn't quite work. Cute is passing off a bad hair day with a head band and calling it chic. It's calling jeans and t-shirts a fashion staple. It's being the one everyone remembers in high school as one of the band nerds.

Cute is knowing a smile can cure most akwardness. Cute is having a passion for cupcakes and chocolate even if it does mess up your figure. Cute is being in a room full of hot females and knowing no one is giving you the stink eye. Cute is feeling just fine sipping a beer with the guys, and not caring if none of them want to date you. Cute is often feeling most comfortable around the boys playing video games or watching movies . But, sometimes being cute sucks.

Sometimes cutes means being looked over, being the friend instead of the girlfriend. It means playing it safe,  not asking the guy out, playing by the rules, and accepting what comes. Cute means hearing the hot guy talk about his other hot girl that isn't you. My cutie pies out there all know how this feels. It's days like this I know we all wish we could bottle up that gorgeous Kardashion, JLO sexy and drown ourselves in it.

While I know I've grown a lot since my one relative explained this cuteness theory, I still find myself wearing the cute badge for several reasons. For starters it's all I know. And, secondly the times I try to put on the sexy it just doesn't fit. It feels akward, forced, and somehow I can tell people know it's not genuine. I try to tread the line of hotness then something happens. I trip in heels, the bra doesn't hold up right, I blurt out the wrong thing, the makeup doesn't quite look like the picture in the magazine I praticed two days prior, my  eyebrows are bushy, and then I realize who am I kidding I will always be a cute girl at heart.Something in me lets out a laugh, exhales, and realizes I don't need anyone's defition of hot to box me in. I'm cute damn it, and not everyone can say that. Maybe the hot girls should be taking notice of us cute girls. I mean everyone remembers the cute girls, Punky Brewster, what little girl didn't want to be here? Rudy from The Cosby Show, classic cute girl. Blossom. The hot girls can have their beauty.. cute girls have way more fun.