Good Girl Chronicles Contributor: Jacquelyn Grace:
Holding out for a
Hero
This morning, I awakened to the pleasant surprise of my dear
Aunt Ellen arriving from Australia. She introduced me to her fiancé, and
immediately I fired one question after another.
“How
did you two meet?”
“Was it
love at first sight?”
“How
did he propose?”
They answered my over-enthusiasm with giggles and shy
downward glances, setting the stage for my dad to regale them with the tale of
his romance with my mother.
I had heard this story a million times.
My mother, Miss Magna cum Laude, fell for my father, the
basketball star, when they planned their college reunion. He courted her
against her parents’ wishes. They distrusted his charm and good looks, afraid
he would one day break their daughter’s heart.
One day, my mom got a visa and flew from the Philippines to
Roanoke, VA, where she worked as a nurse. Her parents thought my dad would
eventually lose interest in her after she moved, but my dad loved her more than
ever. For six years, he wrote her every single day.
“If there were thirty days in a month,” he said, “I would
write her all thirty days.”
He worked hard every day and saved everything he earned,
thinking only of her and how each day was bringing him closer and closer to
finally getting the visa that would allow him to finally see her again.
At last, the day came when he entered the U.S. Embassy.
Forty-two people waited in line in front of him. All of them were denied visas.
Now, it was his turn.
He approached the counter, a million thoughts swirling in
his mind. He almost didn’t hear the good news—he got the visa! He thanked God
for his good fortune.
Long story short—he came to the U.S., married my mom, and
then I was born, and now I’m typing this story. Yay!
But can you imagine? They were apart for SIX YEARS. SIX.
Multiply that by 365 days. Do you realize how long that is?
There were so many things that could have torn their
relationship apart: time, the vast distance between them, the busy-ness of
daily life, and the worst—temptation. Mom had doctors and engineers vying for
her attention, and dad had women throwing themselves at him. Both of them are
attractive and smart people and could have had anyone they wanted, but despite
all these odds, they chose each other.
How did they manage to keep their love alive? I don’t know.
They don’t even know. They just did.
“That’s what you do when you really, truly love someone,” my
dad said.
This story always inspired me, but today, when I heard my
dad retell it, my stomach sank. I finally realized that their love story was
the root of all my disappointment in love.
Every time my parents told their story, either mom or dad
would look at me and say, “If a man really loves you, he’ll do anything for
you.” Sometimes my mom would add, “He will be the one to chase YOU.” I carried
these lessons with me all my life.
Great lessons from great parents, right? What’s not so great
is that their real life story evokes the ideal of the chivalrous knight,
overcoming various trials out of devotion to his lady. In our cynical, jaded
society, women are mocked for still having hope that their knight in shining
armor is out there.
I have been scolded by people I dated for asking too much,
for having “unrealistic expectations”. Because I loathe conflict, I would
always end up settling. Settling for boredom. Settling for less than I
deserved. Settling for less than what I wanted.
Perhaps I was being
unrealistic, I told myself. Perhaps I
was asking for too much.
The irony was when I watched as the men I loved bent over
backwards for other women.
I could tell you all the sordid details of my failed
romances, but I’ll just give you one poignant example. I watched the man I
loved empty our joint bank account to buy a brand new Macbook for The Other
Woman’s little sister.
Enraged, I thought about all my breakups. Was I really
asking for too much from all these men? I never asked for money or expensive
gifts. In fact, I despised expensive gifts because I resented feeling
manipulated into doing things just because the man spent so much money on me.
Looking back on each failed relationship after another, I
realized that I was never asking for too much or being unrealistic. I was
simply standing up for myself. Even my college sweetheart said that you know
you love someone when you’re willing to die for him or her. Well, geez, I never
asked anyone to die for me. All I wanted was someone to make memories with,
someone to laugh with, someone who could do basic things like keeping in touch.
And by the way, my college sweetheart wasn’t willing to die for me let alone
keep in touch when he got a job over the summer, so I dumped him.
If anything, it was unreasonable of THEM not to understand
my disappointment. It was unrealistic of them to expect that I’d always be
there and never leave.
When it comes to love, there is no room for weakness, no
room for excuses, no room to take anyone or anything for granted. I’m done
settling. I’m done bending over backwards for people who wouldn’t even do the
little things for me.
Life is too short. Don’t give the best years of your life to
someone who does anything less than cherish you.
