Wednesday, June 17, 2020

No Birthday Party for Lolo


This year my birthday will look different for so many reasons. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic there will be no fireworks on the Fourth of July, and likely no large gatherings. Restaurants are taking limited seating, and personally it's been a rough few months. These are all things I love about the Fourth Of July, but I understand why we can't celebrate the same way this year. Also, there's something different with me this summer. I'm climbing out of a depressive episode.

I'd say since late December I've been slowly falling into a functional depression. Here's some of the lie factors that contributed to m depression: the ending of a friendship, meeting and falling for a toxic man, financial stress, being broken down by someone I started to fall in love with, and on top of that an internet stalker. That has been my life for over six months. I am seeing it now. I am acknowleding the depression. I am working on my healing. I have decided to increase my therapy appointments during this time, and focus on myself.

With that being said, I will not be having a large birthday party this year. I usually love getting together with a large group of people, laughing, eating, celebrating one another. This year I will have a handful of people for a small dinner. I want to reflect on the past few months, eat buttercream cake, and maybe watch a chick flick in a fancy hotel. 

Last year I had an incredible birthday party; a dinner table full of friends, donations to my GoFundne, and contributions to charities I love. If you would like to help me celebrate this year. Here are ways you can send some birthday wishes my way.

You can donate to my GoFundme Page where I am taking donations for equipment to up my YouTube Game.

You can donate to one my favorite charities The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, as a suicide attempt survivor and Virginia Chapter Board member of AFSP I am passionate about raising funds to stop suicide. I am hoping to raise $500 for the Suffolk Out of the Darkness Walk. You can donate here.

You can donate to This is My Brave, an amazing non-profit that gives people with lived experinece of mental illness and or substance use disorder a voice through storytelling.















You can subscribe to my YouTube Channel - I am trying to reach 1,000 subscribers by the end of the year which will allow me to monetize on this platform. 

You can buy a Good Girl Chronicles t-shirt on Bonfire, then snap a picture on your socials to rep the brand.

However you choose I will be grateful!

Thank you in advance.





Sunday, June 14, 2020

How A Reality TV Show Brought Back My Hope in Love

Welling up in my face. I could feel the burning of my tears wanting to burst out of my eye sockets. And, I broke. I broke into a river of tears, silent weeping. I let the tears fall down my cheeks, felt the heaving of my chest.

 

And, I realized I still want a profound, once in a lifetime, romantic, bended knee kind of love.


I’ve been watching the whirlwind relationships with Nikki Bella of the Bella Twins, and Artem Chigvintsec of Dancing with the Stars fame.

Last night, I watched Artem’s proposal to Nikki Bella after her birthday dinner in France. If you have not followed Nikki Bella’s journey to finding the one, then you may not understand why it struck me so hard. Nikki was once engaged to wrestling celebrity John Cena. Her relationship with Cena was chronicled on several E reality shows. It ultimately ended when it became apparent that she and Cena did not want the same things. Nicole wanted to be a mother, and wife; something that Cena was having a hard time compromising with. This is skimming the surface.

 

But, for some reason seeing Artem’s proposal to Nicole reached out and grabbed something deep in my soul. For years I’ve let my childhood and adult trauma make me feel that no man will ever love me completely, that marriage is a fairytale not made for women like me.

 

“I want to spend every sunrise and every sunset with you,” said Artem. 

(You have to watch this clip)

 

In that moment, I felt something in my heart leap. A part of me I thought was long dead. I want to be in crazy love. I want to find the one person who wants to love all of me, the partner to venture through the valleys and peaks of life.

 

Don’t panic I’m not running to the dating apps Match or Bumble just yet. I realize that the best thing take time. I need time to love on myself, refocus, pursue my passion of making Good Girl Chronicles LLC my full time job, and find a way to live independently. But, I got a little bit of hope back that somewhere in the universe God has a man just for me.

 

Congrats on your love Nicole & Artem—thanks for restoring a little hope in me.


Sunday, May 24, 2020

The Spiritual Spring Cleaning

I've spent the past few days day going through old boxes, blowing the dust off of old picture frames, and reading old high school notes. It's been more cathathric than I thought it would be. For over the past 6 years reflecting on my past has brought me great pain. My heart aches when I think of the television career I once had, the crippling depression that took it all away, and the family that abandoned me. But, this weekend was different.

Spiritually, I feel a shift happening in my life. I feel this tugging on my heart. A gentle voice that says, "PURGE, PURGE." Release as much as you can. This nudging has challenged me to go through old makeup and toss it. Donate clothes I haven't worn in years, and walk back into the past.

The past is hard for a lot of people to revisit I am discovering. It sometimes holdests our darkest secrets, our traumas, and regrets. This weekend I read old love letters from exes whose heartache I thought I would never get over. I read old emails from family members I once thought I could never forgive. I cried a little, but mostly I smiled. For the first time in a long time, I savored the sweetness. While my past is filled with a lot of trauma, rejection, and abandonment. It also has great joy.
Looking at my past journalism awards reminded me I was and AM still an incredibly talented writer, and storyteller. Reading those letters from past flames reminded me I WAS and AM an amazing woman to love. Shuffling through old photographs reminded me of my evolving beauty. Organizing my CD collection reminded me how much I love music. In some way this spring cleaning has brought back some small pieces in myself. Pieces I had forgotten. Pieces I didn't know I needed.

I am certain that this spring cleaning will allow God to show up in my life and replace the things I lost in my past. This spring cleaning will allow God to fill the spaces I made room for.

They say spring is the season of rebirth, and new beginnings. If that is true, then I am making room.


Wednesday, May 20, 2020

New YouTube Interview Series: Women Who Slay

If you've followed this blog long you know I used to be a television. My suicide attempt in 2014,
changed the entire trajectory of my life. When I think back to when everything shfit, fell apart, broke, or loss direction; I am always taken back to that moment.  The tragedy of my subsquent mental health collapse was that it ended my budding career in television news. I 've done a lot to try to reinsert myself in the business: I am pursuing a Masters in Strategic Communications at Regent University. I have contacted every reporter friend or producer I  know. I've applied for internships. I've asked around. Reached out to my old television agent. For some reason, none of these efforts have made real traction in me becoming a television reporter again. Spiritually, maybe this is God's way of showing me, He has something else for me. Maybe the market is bad. Maybe I am too old, and too of touch with new journalism.  Whatever the case it is, it's not happening.

So I've decided to just GO ALL IN for myself, and my business Good Girl Chronicles LLC. While there is a lot of uncertainty about my future as a television journalist, one thing I am sure of is; I am incredibly talented. I have so much to give this world. I am a brillant storyteller with a keen eye for stories that connect to the heart. I find diamonds in the rough. I meet people with incredible, untapped stories, songs, messages, and efforts. Maybe God is SHIFTING me to shine a light on these people in my own way.

So let me introduce you to the season I call HASH TAG - GO ALL IN! 

You know why I miss television news so much? I miss telling stories, showing the world what they need, want, or should know. Instead of hoping a HUGE corporation will take a bet on me, I'll just bet give you the stories myself.

Bare with me. Some of my video and editing skills are rusty. I will improve as I learn more. The production value will increase over time, and in the journey I think you and I will uncover some beautiful stories.

My first such story is that of Christina Kimbrough, a mental health advocate, friend, a woman choosing sobriety everyday. You may remember I profiled Christina for a blog a few months back. I had no idea Christina was struggling with alcoholism. She's over 90 days sober, and is taking people through her journey of recovery on Instagram. I did a Zoom interview with her about it.

Check it out on my YouTube Channel. 

Be sure to subscribe to the channel! I plan to do interviews and/or vlogs once a week. Know someone with an incredible story -- tell them to email me at teamgoodgirl84@gmail.com
Also if you'd like to sponsor an episode of the podcast you can do so with a donation to www.gofundme.com/teamgoodgirl 

Welcome to the season of #GOALLIN





Monday, May 18, 2020

How I Became A Storyteller: Just Call Me Oprah

———————————-
Therapist Turned Reporter


Dozens of plastic eyeballs look back at me. Everyone is naked except for a few who are wearing
bow ties, ribbons, or bows. My audience is spread out on the floor of my parent’s dining room, yet
I feel like I am speaking in my own Carnegie Hall surrounded by people who want to hear the words
that will come out of my mouth. I close my eyes and imagine those bright lights shining down on me,
the long length of the stage, and the fullness of the audience.

When I open my eyes, I’m back in my parent's house with just a few Teddy Bears as spectators.
For twenty minutes I speak to those feather filled toys like they are people. My eyes connect with theirs.
I point. I use my hands to illustrate important moments in my speech. I wish I could say I was five or
six, but I’m in my early twenties and this is how I’ve come to prepare for speeches for my Public
Speaking Class. At the local community college where I am taking classes. Public Speaking classes
are mandatory for an Associates in Psychology.  I hope when I finish my associates I will transfer
to a big place like the University of Virginia and eventually become a family therapist. In high school
all my friends called me Oprah because I counseled them on all their relationship issues. I decided
this meant I would be a good therapist one day.


I am carrying a full course load, working, and doing a research study on campus. While I enjoy my major, it is this speaking class that gives me the most anxiety, excitement, and pride. Nailing a speech
is indescribable. When I look back at students in class, and they applaud or cheer, or cry; I feel like for
those few moments we’ve made a connection, my story has value therefore I have value.
Does this make me a narcissist? Did I not get enough attention as a child.? I don’t know. No matter
the reason, all I know is that I love this feeling.I never thought I could make an actual career out of
public speaking. It wasn’t until after class one day that my teacher gave me a new vision for what
my life could be.


After one invigorating speech in class I gave about my love for the wrestler Dwayne “The Rock”
Johnson, my teacher asked me to stay after class. I thought maybe my Rock t-shirts, and props were
a bit too much and was expecting her to tell me to tone it down the next speech.


“Have you ever thought about being a television reporter?” she asked. 


“A what?,” I replied.


“You know like a news reporter telling stories on television.” I knew what she was talking about,
but it had never crossed my imagination ever. I thought the most air time I would get would be from
writing a book as a therapist. Maybe I would go on a book tour, and give some speeches, but being
on television every single day, out of the question.


“I think you’d be great. There is something magnetic about you. The way you tell stories is special
and I think you could have a great career in news if you wanted to,” she said.

I took her advice, and worked over 5 years in news.
I wish to God I remembered her name. This short, curly headed white woman changed the course of
my entire life. In that moment I didn’t realize how instrumental those words would be in changing the
course of my career, so maybe that’s why I didn’t record it in my memory bank. At the time it didn’t
seem like a plausible option. I figured it was a kind thing she said to a lot of her public speaking
students and I keep on in my studies. I didn’t chuck my Psychology major right away, but as
graduation grew closer I found myself really thinking of what a life in television could mean.
I started researching what reporters actually do; interviewing, writing, meeting people. Everyday
I would learn something new, and then share it to the world. I have to admit the perceived glamour
was exciting too. The thought of me the frumpy, funny girl from the marching band being on television
was intoxicating. It would stroke my pride and show everyone back in high school that gem I knew I
was. Isn’t that what we all want from success in our twenties to show our classmates we’ve made it at
our high school reunion?

I wasn’t sure if I had what it took to be a reporter. I was pudgy, insecure, and not the most assertive
person in the world so when I thought of a college to transfer to I applied to University of Virginia for
Psychology and Virginia Commonwealth for Broadcast Journalism. Even though I made close to a
4.0 at my community college (TCC), I didn’t think I’d actually get into both schools. I figured whichever
school accepted me that was the career I was supposed to choose. I was accepted to both, but that
nudging from my speech teacher made all the difference. I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue
broadcast journalism.

This story is not just a story of how I got into television news. It's really a story about the teacher,
and the LIFE GIVING words she spoke into my life.

I can honestly say I would have NEVER pursued a career in news if that college professor had not
kept after me about being a reporter. As a very spiritual person I think this was God's divine way of
leading me on my purpose. And, while I am not on the news today, I believe my Higher Power gave
me that experience for something even larger. I don't know what that is yet, but I'm grateful for that
teacher who stopped, noticed something amazing in me, and SPOKE IT!

It's a big reason I know and believe there is POWER in what we say. Choose your words to speak
LIFE into them--- who knows you might be birthing the next Oprah, or the next Lauren Hope.