The Spiritual Spring Cleaning

I've spent the past few days day going through old boxes, blowing the dust off of old picture frames, and reading old high school notes. It's been more cathathric than I thought it would be. For over the past 6 years reflecting on my past has brought me great pain. My heart aches when I think of the television career I once had, the crippling depression that took it all away, and the family that abandoned me. But, this weekend was different.

Spiritually, I feel a shift happening in my life. I feel this tugging on my heart. A gentle voice that says, "PURGE, PURGE." Release as much as you can. This nudging has challenged me to go through old makeup and toss it. Donate clothes I haven't worn in years, and walk back into the past.

The past is hard for a lot of people to revisit I am discovering. It sometimes holdests our darkest secrets, our traumas, and regrets. This weekend I read old love letters from exes whose heartache I thought I would never get over. I read old emails from family members I once thought I could never forgive. I cried a little, but mostly I smiled. For the first time in a long time, I savored the sweetness. While my past is filled with a lot of trauma, rejection, and abandonment. It also has great joy.

Looking at my past journalism awards reminded me I was and AM still an incredibly talented writer, and storyteller. Reading those letters from past flames reminded me I WAS and AM an amazing woman to love. Shuffling through old photographs reminded me of my evolving beauty. Organizing my CD collection reminded me how much I love music. In some way this spring cleaning has brought back some small pieces in myself. Pieces I had forgotten. Pieces I didn't know I needed.

I am certain that this spring cleaning will allow God to show up in my life and replace the things I lost in my past. This spring cleaning will allow God to fill the spaces I made room for.

They say spring is the season of rebirth, and new beginnings. If that is true, then I am making room.