Life after coming clean about depression

Today, I am thankful for a new day. A new chance to start again. A friend named Kenneth told me this, "Yes, this is a new day, one no man has ever seen before or will ever see again. Always makes the most of it."

I will Kenneth. Today I plan to sign a lease for my office space in Chesapeake. Hopefully no one has my business name, 'Good Girl Chronicles' . I have a feeling I will be alright cause God put that name on my heart when I was in high school.

Tallwood heads you remember all those short stories I used to write? I still have them, and they inspire me. I'm told many of you still remember them and love them. I wanted to write like Danielle Steele or write for Young & The Restless. That didn't happen but I did get to work for the number one station in the market, and the baddest on the East coast if you ask me so that's a blessing.

Once I get my office up and running it's all about the book, motivational speaking, securing a book tour, volunteering, helping my stylist Precious with her many projects (more on her later), and feeling like an adult again. I had to move in with my parents to help my sister and get control of my depression. It is hard sometimes, but I am saving money, and getting stronger. For the first time in my life I am having real conversations about depression and mental health in the black community. Ask yourself why doesn't mainstream media cover the black male suicides? Well a new documentary is about to do that. It is a serious issue in our community and only a few brave people are talking about it. Google black male suicides you will see it's been on the rise for the last couple of years.

I took heat for coming clean on my depression but I gladly take the stones. I survived that's all that matters and now I want to help others do the same. 

Rome was not built in a day so this may take time. My lease at my office space will be for a year. I hope to meet a lot you, hear your ideas, and get to work. I want to travel to your towns, speaks to your schools, and cry with your depressed youth. With great power comes great responsibility I want my post TV career to mean something so here I am trying to be responsible.

I will need your love and support especially on the tough days, the days I want to throw in the towel run away and be a waitress in a dive town ( I actually had this thought when I was depressed. Funny thing is I could never get hired as a waitress EVER I've tried. Applesbees, Ruby Tuesday they all TURNED ME DOWN lol irony.) 

Also, I wanted to let you know I am so encouraged by the feedback on Facebook and Twitter. The amount of love I've received from strangers is unreal. Never saw that coming. I was so scared to post about my depression. But, now I feel free and renewed. Thank you twitter followers for that affirmation. Thank you WSET fans who always amaze me with their love and support. Thank you to the few WAVY viewers who remember me... I love you right back. So many of you said don't leave television for good, don't stop writing, don't stop loving, and don't stop being be you. It is hard to stand in your own truth but I am getting stronger and I am unafraid.

Thanks to that one amazing, unlikely friend who lit a fire in me--- he said, "Lauren this is not you. I know who you are, and you are not being you. F everything else it's all about you,"

He even gave me a song to play when the haters came for me. I can't list it cause it has too many curse words lol but it did inspire me.

Since our talk I have prayed harder, worked out harder, loved harder, spoke louder, took bolder steps. God used that man to push me into a new chapter. Thank you love. I will always remember that night talk----ALWAYS. No matter where God takes me if you ever need anything call me. If you ever change your mind about loving a girl like me and I'm single I'll rock hard for you.  I got you. I hope the feeling is mutual. 

This could be us but you playing.

Now it is time to do some work! I am new creature in Christ. Like Alicia Keys said this is a BRAND NEW KINDA ME. 

Love you, Love God More.

P.S. I almost forgot my VERY OWN website will be up soon. Goodgirlchapters.blogspot.com will be replaced by www.laurenhope.co . I hope you visit, read, share, subscribe, like, and we have healthy debates. I hope you book me for speaking engagements I will always be honest and raw. I also hope you buy my book you do not have to agree but open your mind to listen. I will listen to you too. Sometimes I do jump the gun because I feel people are out to attack me, but I do listen. Trust me I am and will forever be a journalist.

Kim K is Naked Again and I'm conflicted

 Well, well, well my girl Kim Kardashian West is showing her goodies to the world once again. Damn, that chick is hella fine. Kanye West is a lucky man. That was my first reaction when I saw her latest nude picture. Then I thought, "Why did she do that again?" We've all seen her lady bits on the cover of Paper Magazine, then when she was pregnant with Saint West, then again for a magazine called LOVE I believe, and now this. Kim we get it you are beautiful, hot, gorgeous, smoking. Man if I had a body like that I know I'd be tempted to show a little skin. (Ok ladies don't curl you noses at me. Be real. In private we all admit we'd do a little strip tease if we had bodies like the Kardashians.


I am a good girl, but I also appreciate the human form. God is amazing. Look how many shapes, sizes, and colors He has made. I have loved fat men, short men, skinny men, tall men, Indian men, white men, black men, Mexican men, Puerto Rican men. I have dated the rainbow of brothas. Before you judge, understand I had relationships with every one of these men I mentioned. I am 31, and I've been blessed to be loved by several good men. Here's my point: when I get married I will carry myself differently. Right now I am single and free. If I want to wear a smoking hot dress, get a tattoo, dance like Beyonce with any guy in the club that is my prerogative.  As long as I am safe, respectful, and praising God's word I don't see the problem. But, Kim is married. Doesn't the bible say once you get married your body is for your husband? Should we be seeing what Kanye sees every night? Doesn't that somehow devalue her body for her husband? I am not judging I'm just posing questions.

Well once Kim posted her picture to Twitter (it is not recent) social media exploded. Once again, we were debating whether a mother, and a wife should be posing nude. I also nodded my head when I saw it. Bette Midler responded to the hoopla with a clever joke. Click here for Bette Midler's response to Kim's pic . Well being the boss ass chick she is Kim clapped back. Click here for  Kim's response . I have to give it to these ladies it was good banter. I love a good trash talking session. (God I miss the attitude era of WWE) Kim didn't stop there. Some people are saying Kanye hijacked her Twitter. I'm not sure I just find the whole thing amusing.

This is the picture everyone is so mad about. Look, I have no particular stance on this, I can see both sides. On one hand I agree with Bette Midler. It's like come on Kim do something different. We know you are hot, but you are more than your body. You have a platform to help millions. How are you using it? Let us see that? That would be refreshing. On the other hand, I understand Kim West's feelings of liberation. It has to be freeing to say, "This is me. Love it or leave it." Some will say she makes her a sex object but wasn't that already the case. Because of the sex tape Kim will always be viewed as a sex object to men. And, on some level I understand.

I am not being cocky here, but since I gained weight and became plus size men will not stop looking at me. They undress me with their eyes at the doctor's office, they wink at me at bars, they lick their lips when I bend over or lean across a table. I did not ask for this, But, with great power comes great responsibility. Kidding lol. . I am a humble, modest girl. I want a man who will spit game to me romantic like. A gentleman who is not just after me to get into the sheets. I am a sex object to some men and it's out my control. So is Kim saying she is owning her body, taking it back, maintaining her own sexy? I don't know but I understand how it feels on some level. Granted I am not a model, or paid millions ( cause we know this was a publicity stunt. It got her name back in the news) to show my body, but I have felt like an object to men. I'd like to take back my body too. Turn myself from object to girlfriend to wife. But I feel God is teaching me something in all of this. What it is I am not sure.

I also feel people don't want women to own their sexuality. Look at Amber Rose. She is a woman who oozes sex appeal. Because she dared to say she loved sex and men we slut shamed her. Why because she enjoys something people do every day in and out of wedlock. Or look at what happened to that girl from Duke University Belle  Knox.

She was a Duke university student who started working in porn to raise money for college. (Yes, college is that expensive now) She picked a secret identity to protect herself.  Her secret identity was exposed, her story went national, and she almost lost everything. All because she dated to own her sexuality. Read her story, and you'll see we are not as sexually liberated as we proclaim. I do not like the word slut, whore, or thot. Come men can play around like this and be rewarded and we are scolded? It is a double standard. Just marinate on that.

Again I have no dog in this fight. I am just expressing some feelings and frustration I have about sexuality. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Let's have a respectful spirited debate on the topic of women's bodies. Below are two pictures I think are sexy, and one is me in a Kardashian dress I can't wait to fit into again.

REVISED: Standing in my truth

July 9, 2014 was my last day as a reporter, and then I disappeared into a deep, dark hole known as depression. It was a battle of the mind, I almost didn't win. This is a story about what lead to my fall and how I'm trying to rebuild my life again.

The first time my depression got unbearable was in Lynchburg aka the Hill City. It was my first General Assignment gig and I was making a name for myself. The stress, the sleepless nights, and my unhealthy desire to be thin pushed me to one of the worse anxiety/panic attacks of my life. I was out of commission for five days. I went home gathered my thoughts and let my family love on me. I got in the word, gave my heart to Christ, and came back to work with a vengeance. Then I stopped eating to cope. Don't ask me why that made sense but I stopped eating. I dropped to a scary 120. But viewers loved it so it validated the unhealthiness.

This is me at my lowest weight.

After my three year contract was up, I decided to leave Lynchburg for my real dream of working for my hometown station.With a good agent, some hard work, and my work husband I was able to transition to my dream station with ease. It was a good year and a half. Then something knocked me off my kilter. Well if I am honest a lot of things knocked me off my kilter.

When I finally made it to my dream station WAVY News 10 where I worked harder than I ever had in my life. I never said no to assignments, I came in on my days off, came early and left late. I was overworked, burned out, and tired. I didn't see how unhealthy my life had become and how it opened the doors for depression to swallow me whole. I was so exhausted some days, I literally would fall asleep in the car before work. A producer caught me one day and I was so embarrassed. But I kept pushing. In journalism school they tell you that nothing is ever enough so I didn't see the signs that my life was unhealthy. I worked on my time off to do my passion projects, stories that could not lead a newscast, but filled my heart. I started eating to cope with the stress and slowly started to fill out my 5'2 frame.

By March of 2014, the stress was almost intolerable. I felt there was no one I could talk to. Things in the newsroom were getting tense, and many people were afraid to speak up. On top of that, my whole career I was told to swallow it. 'Don't cry, Don't complain, Get out in front of the camera and tell the damn news. No one cares if you are hungry, stressed, hurting or bothered, "Tell the news." It didn't matter that I was hurt by what I saw in the field; the bodies, the dead black men, the mothers crying. It killed me y'all. It killed me every day to see those things and report them with a blank stare.

I would go home and weep to myself. Then I'd felt guilty for weeping. I felt like a baby so I stopped crying. I ate to cope got fat again so I stopped eating. Before I left your airwaves I was getting scary skinny again.

Personally my love life was a mess. I was in love with a man that did not love me, and the rejection broke something in my spirit.  The final straw came when I went to visit him out of state. There was no romance, no wining, and dining. I laid my heart out on the table and instead we kicked it like homeboys all weekend. It broke my heart more than I ever admitted to myself. And the final kicker, he told me he was in love with married woman. The toxic relationship caused me to hate myself.

By May 2014, it was too much. My man was a jerk, I couldn't handle my job, and I didn't feel I could talk to anyone. I sat through therapy in a zombie state. I didn't take my medicine cause I felt weak taking them. I had my first suicide attempt before Memorial Day 2014. It got so bad I had to take a month FMLA leave ( Family Medical Leave Act) to get my life together. It didn't work. I returned to work scared, confused, and lost. After my 30th birthday, I felt I had to leave.  You never know what people are going through. Trust me. At the time it felt like the world was closing in, like there was nothing left to live for, like no one loved me. 

So nine days after my 30th birthday I handed in my resignation from my dream job. I often wonder if I could have survived there longer, and that decision still weighs on me today.

I am working on forgiving myself. The next year was a blur. I worked a job I hated, a place where viewers came and saw me. I tried to hide from everyone my friends, family, viewers I adored, and I couldn't. They all found me, and I became ashamed. I started eating and passing out on the sofa at night. I stopped doing my hair, my makeup (things I love) I wanted no one to recognize me. When my retail co-workers found out I used to be on air I felt like a dagger had cut through my disguise. I hated working there even more. Then my sister got sick and almost died, and my depression made it difficult for me to be even be present for my family. The day she almost died I was asleep on the couch in a food coma. 

 I wanted nothing or nobody to touch me. For a year I lived like this, ignoring phone calls, texts, and emails. Having my mother lie to people about where I was. When in reality we all knew where I was. I was giving up on life. And it sucked everyday. I asked myself how did I wake up to this? How is this my life? Stay with me please. I'm almost done.

I hated myself. I picked scabs on my face, pulled my  hair out, every piece of me wanted to disappear. I wanted to look as ugly as I felt. I stopped looking into mirrors or going outside. I gave up on my beautiful life. But I will not say God abandoned me. I had abandoned God. I tried to do it all alone. All by myself. 

THE SMALL VOICE

One night this December after I ate myself into another food coma something hit me. A voice woke me up. It said, "Turn off the t.v."

I obeyed. "How long are we going to do this? Another year, next month forever?" the voice said.

"God I can't do this another year I won't survive it. Just take me now," I said.

"I can't Lauren. Remember when you were a little girl? I told you your testimony would help thousands. I told you, and I told you it wouldn't be a an easy cross to bear,"

"God I can't God."

"Get up Lauren. I will give you beauty for your ashes. It's in my word trust me," God said.

"But God I have nothing. The love of my life left me, men I cared about used me, my friends know nothing of my pain, and my family doesn't understand."

Jeremiah 31:4 says, "I will rebuild you and you will dance again"

"Trust me I knew you in your mother's womb and I have a plan far greater than you know."

I cried for every lost love, broken friendship, bad news story, every mistake I ever made. That night I let it all go. The times people hurt my pride, the times people told me how  to live my life, the times people judged me, told me I was fat on air, the times I wanted to run away. I left it all there with God that night.

I woke up a new creature, a new woman, a new follower in Christ. I haven't looked back. I will talk more about my comeback later. This has been painful to write. I can't stop crying. Listen to this song, my story is there.

God speaks to me through music. These songs are my confessions. It's why Stripped is one of my favorite albums its speaks my story. It's why I rocks with Demi Lovato that chick over came being bipolar. She fights it everyday I'm sure, but those who get help learn how to live with it. It will always be there. I had depression and it almost killed me so I know she had it hard.

But I walk by faith and not by sight.

If you have someone in your life struggling with depression or mental illness don't abandon them. Don't tell them to suck it up, get over it. Get them help, a therapist , a pastor, something. It could save their lives, trust me. My family stepped in. Keep calling, physically go see them. See they are alive. Too many of our black men and women are committing suicide, and then we wonder why. Depression is a private pain that become a public spectacle when we kill ourselves. After Robin Williams, Amy Winehouse, the black kid Action Jackson killed themselves, I understood their pain, the desire to fade away. Then we all act like we care about mental illness, pundits talk about it. But nothing and I mean nothing is done. 

Rome wasn't built in a day-start with a friend. Have real talks about depression with your loved ones. Don't be scared. Don't call them crazy. Listen and get them help. I  know resources here I can point you in the right direction. Start here they helped me.

1 (800) 273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week

Languages: English, Spanish

Website: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

To my real friends who let me sleep over, eat their food stay, play with their kids, read my blogs. I love you.

To those that walked out in when my comeback time-- my rebuilding period I forgive you. Change is hard, and when someone does a 360 in Christ it can be hard to swallow. I forgive you. I am sorry if I hurt you.

To the photographers who knew my secret thank you for never saying a word. You know who you are.

To my friend across country--thank you for teaching me to love the word, for listening to me cry, and showing me what Christian love can look like.

To so many people thank you---- your love has outnumbered the hate, the people who left, the daggers thrown my way. So many people I could thank--- just know I love you, and I am working hard to get myself all the way back.

IF you want to help -- you can share my story or make a small donation to my new business www.gofundme.com/teamgoodgirl 

Stages of a Break-Up

After I wrote my blog on letting go of people you love, I had a revelation. I am not completely through the stages of break-up. The end of my last relationship with Lyric (see past blog for details) cut me deep. I honestly wanted to do anything for that kid, and now I have nothing to show for it.
I am angry about that. As much as I want to assert that I am past his childish ways, and trickery I am a mad, angry, good girl.

 The thing is I just came to the realization that I was madly, deeply in love with Lyric. Instead of embracing that he pushed me away, said hurtful things, and denied we ever had a love. So I returned fire with my own hurtful shots. I took low blows, I went for the jugular, and I think I landed. Part of me feels guilty and a greater part of me feels sets free by the release of my disappointment in a man I adored.  This is how one typically feels when they are in stage two of the break-up, anger. For me every time I have broken up with someone I have gone through the same four stages. You may find you go through some of the same things. My process may not be the same as yours and that's OK. Every time I have to walk away from a stupid man or boy I go through these four steps.

1.) Sadness and Clingyness . Whenever I go through a break up I almost always feel sad at first. I am a hopeless romantic so when another relationships ends it makes me lose a little hope in finding Prince Charming. Even though I have had my heart broken more times than I'd like to admit I still believe in love. I believe that there is one man out there that will love me so hard it shakes my foundation. Even when a man disappoints me deep down I believe this. But I admit when I am first heart broken I do nothing but thing about the good times. I cry, reminisce, and wallow. I pull out old photos, listen to our old songs, and I cry. Sometimes (and this is embarrassing) I'll reach out to the person who hurt me and beg for some kind of reconciliation. I know this is lame, and it's got to stop.

2.) When my ex-best friend, almost lover Lyric said he never loved me a fire started to burn in me. How could he say that after everything we went through? Didn't he know I would do anything for him? Didn't he remember the nights I stayed up doing nothing but listening to his wounded pride? Was that all for nothing? These questions swirl in my head, and before long they were swimming in red hot lava in my head. Then my alter ego takes over. She's a smart, sexy, and coveted go-getter.

"Yes, he does know exactly how much you did for him and he doesn't care Lauren," says my alter ego. "Let's show him we are not the ones to mess with."

I usually shake my head in disagreement , but sometimes I agree. On those occasions I sent mean text messages, emails, and I rip up our old love letters.  When I finally decided to stop caring about the exes of my 20's I had a bonfire and I burned each other their pictures.

 My last ex burn where I burned several pictures to the sounds of Adele.

It was a cathartic night.

3.) Acceptance -After the anger dissipates I finally reach a place of acceptance. Even though it hurts I always come to understand that the love is over, but that doesn't mean my hope is gone. Even if I made the mistakes that caused the end of the relationship it doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love. In this stage I typically journal or write a lot. I make peace with the end of another love story in the pages of my book, blog, and diary. And, when my heart no longer has anything to say I move into the final stage of breaking up: forgiveness.

4.) Forgiveness: This is a hard stage to get to and get through. When you forgive someone you truly have to let go and let God. There is nothing more you can do. The tears have to stop, the moaning over what could have been, and the realization that you may never be loved by that person again, has to stop. But, listen ladies it's OK. Trust me, Every time I have forgiven a man another more fabulous one comes in and restores my faith in the male species. I talk to my girlfriends a lot during this phase. Sometimes I over analyze the break up but I always come out on the other side a more restored person, and a with a repaired heart. 

I'm almost here ya'll. My last love almost broke me but I survived.  And, the fact that I made it shows me that God still has my King out there for me. I've connected with people I never knew possible, and gained confidence I didn't know existed. All things that would not have happened if Lyric hadn't pushed me to let him go. To the man who loved me in a moment when I was down---thank you. I am a better woman for your encouragement. I hope to return the favor one day.

Love yall, Love God More

A Closed Door:Letting Go of those you love

A continuation of A Closed Door: Letting Go of those you love

At the end of the winter, I decided it was time to get my life together. I started working out again, seeing friends, and realizing my new dream. But, I also couldn’t shake that Lyric and I could have a second chance. I wanted to show him that I was worthy of being loved, and that my love was worthy of being received. This was so wrong. I already know I am worthy of being loved. God my father tells me that every day when he breathes life into me. I am beautifully and wonderfully made.  God molded me like clay. Of course I am worthy of love. Of course God knows the contents of my heart is to be loved by a good, Christian man. But, for some reason at this time I valued this man’s love more than the love of Christ. And, maybe that is the real reason Lyric will never give me the love I want from him. When you place something above God  trust me it is temporary. God will bring you to your knees. I idolized my television career, and somehow God made it so hard I had to step away. That is not to say I will never be on television again, but next time I have to put God first.  As a 31-year-old, heartbroken woman I can see that now. I do know that God is rebuilding 

me like he says in Jeremiah 31:4 .

The final straw with Lyric came when he told me he was lonely despite the fact that I was calling every day, planning cute things to do with him, begging him to come see me. Nothing I could do could make him see I wanted to love him through whatever pain he had. Oh, it gets worse. He was still caught up on a woman I know had broken his heart several times. A woman I feel has little moral character and quite frankly isn’t on my level on my worse day. But this is the woman he loves and I have to respect that. I wish I could say I bowed out with grace. I did not. I cursed in a way I never knew possible. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn. I tore up pictures, sang break up songs, and sent him hurtful texts. I was so hurt, and God I pray you forgive me for letting my anger get the better of me. I just felt all those years of rejection take over me.And, he needed to face the music.

Again, I was an idiot. I couldn’t stop loving him even after that. I wanted to be his friend. I thought if I was a friend to him he’d really see me then. I called him over, and over, and over like that cartoon skunk that never gets any play, Pepe Le Pew. He stopped answering my calls, just stopped answering. For like two weeks I got the Heisman. After everything we went though he had the nerve (anger coming back) to ignore me. Really dude? (Anger is rising) He had no right to treat me this way. Stop!

Ladies this is what happens when you give boys the control over your heart. They will screw you over. Trust me. Every boy I’ve tried to make a man has screwed me over. I wish I could use another word but this is the ‘Good Girl Chronicles’.

Anyway, in an act of desperation I reached out to his sister. I was genuinely worried. Maybe he was Datelined, lost at sea, or in the arms of the Ursula of a woman he loves. Either way I had to know. The next day instead of being flattered like I was when he did the SAME THING to me, he was mad. Who the ---STOP--- Stay classy. Really dude? Ok, I may be a good girl but that’s it the gloves are off. I wish I could write the ammo I threw at Lyric. I wish. I know on some level it had to cut him deep that Miss Goody two shoes was reading him so hard. Trust me when I say readers, this is the last time Lyric ever screws me over. This chick is done.

“I just don’t want you anymore. I never did want you that way,” he texted like a coward. He wasn’t even man enough to pick up the phone and say that crap to my face. Over three years of friendship, blurred lines, and love turned into this. Really dude? Ok, I see how you want to play now. I threw low blows, ones I wanted to maim his ego. I’m not sure if they connected, but it was off my chest. I wish I could say I was a bad ass bitch like Amber Rose or Angela Bassett in ‘Waiting to Exhale’ I wasn’t. When I was done I cried. It was really over.

But, something magical happened the very next day. A man I always crushed on and respected gave me a pep talk. He recommended a rap song by an artist I never heard of. The song was from Tory Lanez called 'Blow' and it helped me to see Lyric for who he really is so I’ll call the man who helped me, Troy. Troy was in my eyes by far the sexiest man in my high school. He was suave. He was cool before most chicks knew what a cool man was. He walked with silent confidence. He never needed to boast about his looks, his charms, or his amazing abs. But they were there. I can honestly say there are grown women with husbands that still fantasize about this man. Troy has it made in the looks department. What’s better than all of that Troy has an amazing heart. He does not wear it on his shelve, and he is careful who he lets in. I could take some notes.

Troy and I are friends. I told him about Lyric, I cried, beat myself up for being a fool about it, and cried so more.

“Lauren, we’re friends right?” Troy said.

“Yea Troy I’ve always considered you a friend.”

“Well what I’m about to tell you may shock you. I’ve always thought you were pretty. Always! You are special Lauren. Don’t waste your time on this clown,” he said. “I see you doing your thing. He will regret the day he messed you over.”

My mind started racing. When in the world did Troy become a love doctor? Did he get his degree after high school? Or is he some type of thug Dr. Phil? Either way Troy was speaking truth, and what he said blew my mind.

“I’ve been through this before, and my Dad told me not to lose myself," Troy continued.."When my girl left me my Dad reminded it me that in life, and love, it's all about you!"

‘Wow that’s right. It wasn’t about Lyric. This is my life, and this sexy woman wants a good man,’ "I thought.

I will fall in love again, but next time around, as Troy advised, I will be raising the bar. Troy wherever you are thank you for pouring into my spirit, and reminding I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

I had an ‘Aha’ moment after my talk with Troy. Lyric never loved me, and will never see the diamond I am. That’s ok. But, I will not be giving my heart to just anyone next time. No more of the days of falling in love super-fast.

How Troy ended the conversation was even better. He said,” Lauren, just do you. The right one will find you that’s our job as men.”

That is so true. Well loves this Lauren wants to live a little. I want to travel, see my friends, write, meet some celebrities and trade stories. I want to get paid for blogging, writing, and radio. I want to have a good time with my girlfriends, buy some sassy plus size clothes and flirt with bartenders. And, then maybe when I’m done doing all this living, the man I’ve been waiting for will find me. I really hope it works that way. Until then Lauren Hope plans to live not for some boy who never knew what he had. This time Lauren Hope plans to live for herself.

Love you, Love God More

P.S. Troy I’ll never forget that talk. What it meant to me, and what it will mean to me. Honest to goodness we’re friends for life. Call me anytime, any place, and I’ll do my best to make time for you. Proverbs says, “Irons sharpens iron so does one sharpen another.” I plan to be razor sharp and you’ll be part of the reason why.