Stages of a Break-Up

After I wrote my blog on letting go of people you love, I had a revelation. I am not completely through the stages of break-up. The end of my last relationship with Lyric (see past blog for details) cut me deep. I honestly wanted to do anything for that kid, and now I have nothing to show for it.
I am angry about that. As much as I want to assert that I am past his childish ways, and trickery I am a mad, angry, good girl.

 The thing is I just came to the realization that I was madly, deeply in love with Lyric. Instead of embracing that he pushed me away, said hurtful things, and denied we ever had a love. So I returned fire with my own hurtful shots. I took low blows, I went for the jugular, and I think I landed. Part of me feels guilty and a greater part of me feels sets free by the release of my disappointment in a man I adored.  This is how one typically feels when they are in stage two of the break-up, anger. For me every time I have broken up with someone I have gone through the same four stages. You may find you go through some of the same things. My process may not be the same as yours and that's OK. Every time I have to walk away from a stupid man or boy I go through these four steps.

1.) Sadness and Clingyness . Whenever I go through a break up I almost always feel sad at first. I am a hopeless romantic so when another relationships ends it makes me lose a little hope in finding Prince Charming. Even though I have had my heart broken more times than I'd like to admit I still believe in love. I believe that there is one man out there that will love me so hard it shakes my foundation. Even when a man disappoints me deep down I believe this. But I admit when I am first heart broken I do nothing but thing about the good times. I cry, reminisce, and wallow. I pull out old photos, listen to our old songs, and I cry. Sometimes (and this is embarrassing) I'll reach out to the person who hurt me and beg for some kind of reconciliation. I know this is lame, and it's got to stop.

2.) When my ex-best friend, almost lover Lyric said he never loved me a fire started to burn in me. How could he say that after everything we went through? Didn't he know I would do anything for him? Didn't he remember the nights I stayed up doing nothing but listening to his wounded pride? Was that all for nothing? These questions swirl in my head, and before long they were swimming in red hot lava in my head. Then my alter ego takes over. She's a smart, sexy, and coveted go-getter.

"Yes, he does know exactly how much you did for him and he doesn't care Lauren," says my alter ego. "Let's show him we are not the ones to mess with."

I usually shake my head in disagreement , but sometimes I agree. On those occasions I sent mean text messages, emails, and I rip up our old love letters.  When I finally decided to stop caring about the exes of my 20's I had a bonfire and I burned each other their pictures.

 My last ex burn where I burned several pictures to the sounds of Adele.

It was a cathartic night.

3.) Acceptance -After the anger dissipates I finally reach a place of acceptance. Even though it hurts I always come to understand that the love is over, but that doesn't mean my hope is gone. Even if I made the mistakes that caused the end of the relationship it doesn't mean I'm not worthy of love. In this stage I typically journal or write a lot. I make peace with the end of another love story in the pages of my book, blog, and diary. And, when my heart no longer has anything to say I move into the final stage of breaking up: forgiveness.

4.) Forgiveness: This is a hard stage to get to and get through. When you forgive someone you truly have to let go and let God. There is nothing more you can do. The tears have to stop, the moaning over what could have been, and the realization that you may never be loved by that person again, has to stop. But, listen ladies it's OK. Trust me, Every time I have forgiven a man another more fabulous one comes in and restores my faith in the male species. I talk to my girlfriends a lot during this phase. Sometimes I over analyze the break up but I always come out on the other side a more restored person, and a with a repaired heart. 

I'm almost here ya'll. My last love almost broke me but I survived.  And, the fact that I made it shows me that God still has my King out there for me. I've connected with people I never knew possible, and gained confidence I didn't know existed. All things that would not have happened if Lyric hadn't pushed me to let him go. To the man who loved me in a moment when I was down---thank you. I am a better woman for your encouragement. I hope to return the favor one day.

Love yall, Love God More