Secrets of My Life: The Complexity of Telling Your Own Story
It is early, a little after 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday, and I am thinking of Caitlyn Jenner. Yes Olympic gold medalist, turned reality start now transgender woman, Caitlyn Jenner. I checked out her memoir, because confession I love the Kardashians, (that’s another story all in itself) and I want to know how living in their world effected his gender dysphoria. I wonder what it feels like to live in a skin that you feel is not your own for over 60 years. I’m also reading, because I am fascinated beyond measures with memoirs, and biographies. I always have been. I guess that is what lead me to a field in journalism in the first place; I love storytellers. Memoirs allows you to step in someone’s world for 200 or more pages. They give you a window into someone’s pain, reality, and often times triumph. One of my favorites growing up was “I Know Why the Cage Bird Sings’ by Maya Angelo, and more recently ‘Glass Castle’ by Jeanettee Walls. My greatest moments as a journalist was when I knew my reporting gave viewers that same intimate look into someone else’s world. I miss that dearly.
Caitlyn’s story has struck a nerve with me for so many reasons. It brings to the forefront my own struggle with writing my memoir. In journey of Caitlyn’s life her story intersects with so many others; the Kardashians, three former wives, her kids. All of their lives have been impacted by the telling of her story. And, I find it heartbreaking that the telling of her story has further destroyed her relationship with her once close Kardashian stepchildren. I’m sure the book wasn’t the only thing, but all of them have publicly stated the book was a punch in the gut. This is hard for me, because I worry constantly what my memoir will do the people whose lives I have intersected. Will they brand me a liar like Caitlyn or say I am rewriting history to serve myself? I am truly anxious about this as I am sure a lot of memoir writers with controversial stories are. My story is dirty, and ugly at times; dark and desperate. There are parts of my story that still keep me up at night, and make me ashamed of myself Accepting your story flaws and all is brave thing. This is why I have been drawn to storytellers my entire life.
Reading ‘Secrets of My Life’ reminded me that my story is mine, not my families, not television viewers, or people I feel could never understand the struggles I’ve endured the last three years. My story is mine, and as painful as it is to write; I feel compelled to keep going. . I want it to set me free as I know the truth does, and I hope in the pages of my memoir it sets someone else free too. I hope in reading my struggle it gives a broken-hearted woman in a church shelter hope that one day she won’t sleep on a gym mat and thin cover. I hope people with mental illness see how I’m living in recovery and choose life over suicide. ( I am currently raising money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention you can donate at www.afsp.org/norfolk search Hope Walker) I hope that imperfect Christians like me know that no matter what dirty deed you have done, or how far from grace you feel God will meet you where you at and fill your well again. (See the story of the Samaritan woman in the book of John. Ichanged my life.)
I pray this early morning that like God says in Joshua 1:9 to “Be strong and courageous,” in my story-telling. I hope no matter how many tears fall in remembering those homelessness nights, or bad choices that I continue to put pen to paper and hands to keys.
Everyone is a story, and being a journalist has taught me that telling your story can be hard. But when we are brave enough to tell our stories profound things can happen for you and the people who read it. My little blog and business Good Girl Chronicles is not much now, but one day I hope it’s part of a storytelling/motivational speaking business that encourages and teaches people how to share their stories even if it’s only for themselves.
Caitlyn Jenner’s memoir is a mess at times. Her reflections of herself teeter back and forth from optimist to depressed. You can read that she too struggles with her version of history and the version of the people around her. But, what I do admire is that none of that stopped her from telling her story, and as you near the end of the book and Bruce transition you can feel and sense a freedom that is joyous. That is what telling your stories does, it has the power to liberate you. May we all move a step closer to making peace with our past, owning own set, and dancing in the free of our true selves.
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