How I Stumbled Into Being a Mental Health Speaker

The first time I decided to blog about my suicide attempts and depression, I had nothing to lose. Depression had already robbed me of everything I held dear; my ability to work at my high-powered television job, to function in relationships, and it took nearly two years of my life. Something inside me felt compelled to tell the viewing public why I left WAVY News 10 just when my career was beginning to take off. It was an admission of a battle I had fought for 16 long years with a mental illness. I endured it privately due to shame and guilt.

When I started writing the blog, ‘Standing in My Truth’, the words just poured out. I had nothing else to hide. I explained how depression forced me to resign from WAVY News 10, kept me locked away in my room for days at time, took away my desire to do simple things like shower, comb my hair, or brush my teeth. There were times I felt so disconnected from my own body that I pulled hair out of my scalp, and peeled scabs off my face just to feel like I was still alive. The array of anti-depressants coupled with ferocious hunger added 100 pounds to my small frame in a matter of months. Depression felt like an invisible coffin; cold, dark, and lonely. It even pushed me to attempt suicide.

When I posted the blog about my battle I expected pity, shock, and maybe a few eye rolls. What I did not expect was a tide of support, comfort, love, and most of all, understanding.

One friend wrote, “Thank you for sharing this. Mental illness is not discussed enough in the black community. The story you are sharing is so real for so many people.”

And I have to tell you writing those words, felt like freedom. Freedom from the shame of my illness, my struggle, and it showed I wasn’t alone. The comments on Facebook kept pouring in. Viewers who knew me as a sparkling television reporter saw me as a real person, with a real struggle like many of them. They expressed empathy, sadness, pride, and many were rooting for me. Even more interesting  was that people started sharing their stories with me. That showed me that so  many people are suffering in silence. They want to share their story, but the stigma of mental illness holds them back. I wanted to break that barrier wide open and show people there is nothing to fear in owning your truth.  A friend recommended that I visit a website called ‘This is My Brave’, a non-profit that creates awareness about mental illness through creative storytelling. I admired the bravery of these storytellers living with their mental illness. “This is My Brave”, They and so many other non-profits like them are breaking the stigma by normalizing the discussion of mental illness. One of the most beautiful things I found while reading the stories, poems, and songs of

those with mental illness was that it lead me to acceptance, which in turn made me an even stronger advocate for my own mental health. I started to throw myself into talk therapy, I researched every medication I was prescribed, and became aware of my triggers to stay healthy. This is what speaking up does; it helps others know they can speak up too.

Since my first blog, I’ve been invited to speak at several mental health conferences, and suicide prevention walks. I never imagined I’d be this open and raw about my suicide attempts, and recovery. In October, I will be speaking at a number of suicide prevention walks and raising funds for the Out of the Darkness Walk in Norfolk by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I reached out to one of the walk organizers Eric Peterson, a man who lost his teen daughter to suicide. Something he wrote in an email reminds me why I am a mental health advocate.

“I am sad everyday that my daughter Sarah is no longer a part of my life here, but there is nothing I can do to change that. I am out here working to prevent suicide because I believe in you, and others who struggle. Everyday you stay alive brings meaning to this work in which I am involved in.”

His words resonated with me for days. “Everyday you stay aalive brings meaning to this work,” I kept thinking. My life, my struggle, my pain, my survival, my acceptance, my endurance is not only powerful for me, but for so many others. I hope in sharing my story, staying alive, and living with my mental illness, I show others they can too. Like my name, I want to be ray of hope for others. A, person who helps free them of their fear of getting help, starting over, and moving to recovery. I want to show those in the darkness with a lot of help and, and support there is light on the other side of their pain.

I am currently a Peer Recovery Specialist for the City of Portsmouth, a position that gives people living with a mental illness or substance use disorder the ability to help others through reach recovery. My name is Lauren Hope, I have Major Depressive Disorder, I’ve survived suicide, and THIS IS MY TRUTH.

For you interested in booking me as a speaker: email me at teamgoodgirl84@gmail.com