The Art Of Letting Go
The dictionary defines purge as:
- 1.rid (someone) of an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition, typically giving a sense of cathartic release.free someone from (an unwanted feeling, memory, or condition).
- remove (a group of people considered undesirable) from an organization or place in an abrupt or violent manner.
- remove a group of undesirable people from (an organization or place) in an abrupt or violent way.atone for or wipe out (contempt of court).
- physically remove (something) completely.
noun
noun: purge; plural noun: purges
- 1.an abrupt or violent removal of a group of people from an organization or place."a purge of the ruling class is absolutely necessary"
synonyms: removal, expulsion, ejection, exclusion, eviction, dismissal, sacking, ousting, eradication "the purge of dissidents"
I am one of those kind of people that attaches a memory to almost anything. I first realized this after a major depressive episode in my twenties. When my family came to my small one bedroom apartment, they saw my house was a mess full of unnecessary items and trash. When they tried to help me give away some of the clothes that were blocking entry to my bed or objects I no longer used; I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Every item of clothing held some memory to me. Now years later I still have articles of clothing that take me back to a former life. When I was a television reporter I lived in New York & Company clothes. I was proud that I could afford them, and that I could fit them in the single digit sizes. I have lugged those clothes around with me from storage unit to storage unit while I was homeless last year. I no longer had a job that required me to wear the nice business attire and I certainly didn't have the frame. But those clothes symbolized my success in so many ways. It signified the time I could afford a mortgage, trips, nice makeup, and haircuts. They also hold the memory of dozens of live shots, crime scenes and moments as a general assignment reporter. A career I worked hard for and took great pride in. I can tell you the stories I covered in certain pieces of clothing.
During the last part of my fast, I kept being confronted by a verse I have come to love.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here?-2 Corinthians 5:17
I was determined to get to a weight where I could wear my old T.V. clothes again. But then I felt God say, "Why? Why do you want something that was?"I had no answer to that question. I guess apart of me wanted to feel the way I used to feel in those clothes. As much as God is restoring me I often long for what my life used to be; prosperous, exciting, financially secure, loved. But, every time I heard or read the verse in 2 Corinthians I felt God saying, "Lauren, your walk with me is making you new. If you truly want to experience the new season, the new joy, the renewal I have for you; I need you to let go of the old." I pondered on that for a few days then remembered this scripture from the book of Matthew.
"Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."- Matthew 9:17
In an essence God was saying how can I bring you something new if you're still holding onto the old. You can't pour new wine in old wine skins. It can't hold it. The same goes for life. God can't fill you with the new if you're still holding onto the old. So last week I gathered a box full of my old t.v. clothes and I am going to donate them to the clothing closet my employer is creating to help people in need. It is not easy, but I am ready to purge. I am ready to let go and be made new. This Daniel Fast has been so incredibly restorative and challenging. If you considered a Daniel Fast, I encourage you to give your body rest, make time for God's presence in your life, and be ready to go where He takes you.
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| I am down 10 lbs after my Daniel Fast |
I have so enjoyed this blog series. Next blog I will be blogging about what restoration and rebirth means to me. I will also be blogging on my mental health advocacy and plans to continue sharing my story to a larger audience.
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| Joined Weight Watchers after the fast. |
Help me reach my dream of taking my book and story national. Donate to my Memoir Fund!You will reap the reward of knowing you a sowing a seed in a woman God is rebuilding for a larger purpose. You can donate at www.gofundme.com/teamgoodgirl
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