What Happens When A Disney Princess Loses Her Belief in Prince Charming?
Like so many little girls I learned some my of first lessons about romance, gender roles, and love from Disney movies. Through the lens of Cinderella I envisioned myself as a diamond in the rough who only needed a man to find me with the right slipper, and he'd give me all her heart desired. From Beauty and the Beast I learned to look beyond a man's looks because behind his burly hair, fangs, and bad breathe could be a really rich guy who would make all my financial troubles go away. Little Mermaid taught me that sometimes love requires sacrifice such as giving up your voice to be with to your true love, even after he stupidly falls for Ursula in disguise. But, true love always prevails. All the evils are righted and everyone lives happily ever after. Crazy how we all ignored that Little Mermaid had to give up her entire existence to find love. Let that thought settle in for a second.
 |
| Photography: Sarah Bell Photography/ Empowered Women Collective |
For a long time I bought into this rosy imagery of love and relationships. But at 34 and many failed loves later I'm beginning to think Disney sold me a lemon, an illusion about real love.
I am now realizing that love is more like that Bonnie Rait song I listened to as a kid. Where she belts out in her soulful voice, "I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can't make your heart feel something it won’t." That song still makes me cry. I identify with her longing so much.
Love in my thirties is indeed like that Bonnie Rait song. It will be years of me pining for men that were never prince or king like. It will be late nights alone, years of watching social media engagement announcements with no ring of my own. It will mean learning to comfort myself, and the power of a lone walk.
But after days, weeks, and months of this something happens to the once optimistic Disney Princesses. If she isn't careful she can become a Bitter Betty, maybe even a witch.
I first noticed this in the real life action Disney movie called ‘Oz the Great and Powerful.’ This awesome film stars James Franco as Oscar Diggs, a circus magician who is whisked away to The Land of Oz. One of his first encounters in the land of Oz is with a naive, but good witch named Theodora. Theodora becomes awestruck by Oscar Diggs and is convinced that he is the Great Oz they have been waiting for to rescue them from the wicked witch also known as her evil sister. She buys into Oscar Diggs' charm, good looks, and fake tricks. Not surprisingly Theodora falls in love with Oscar Diggs. But, just like the Bonnie Rait song Oscar Diggs does not return her feelings. He instead falls for her sister Glinda the Good Witch. Can you believe this shit? Sorry for my French. But really? Theodora is down with Oscar Diggs aka the fake Oz’ hype man before anyone else is feeling him, and he doesn’t return her affection. Ain’t that just like a man?
While Theodora is not a Disney princess this is a Disney movie and it accurately depicts what happens to a lot of women who are jilted in love. The princess tiara falls off. The idea that love will save the day fades away, and over time their hope in finding a good man erodes also. If you aren’t careful there is a moment where your broken heart can make you a bitter, jaded cynic about finding real love. I know because it’s where I am at this moment in my life, and you have to watch moments like this because the cross over to wicked witch can happen quickly. As is the case with Theodora. When Oscar Diggs turns to her demure, sweet goody two shoes sister Glinda the Good Witch Theodora goes full bitch mode. I mean full witch mode. Her wicked witch of a sister Evanora convinces her to eat an magical apple that will help her escape the heartache caused by Oscar Diggs. Theodora does, but instead turns into a witch herself. I don't want to ruin the rest of the movie, but Thedora has a chance to return to her once sweet ways, but refuses. I believe the heartache was just too painful. She couldn't let it go.
I am now convinced the wicked witches we saw in Disney movies weren’t evil at all. They were just jaded, brokenhearted women who got played by a suave fake Oz and it cut them so deep once optimistic princesses lost their hope in love. It’s sad really. So how do we resist eating the apple of resentment, anger, heartache, disappointment? I wish I knew.
I recently felt myself in a real Theodora moment. After my last relationship failed I decided it was time to take a hard look at myself. With the help of therapy I discovered I have trust issues, abandonment issues, self esteem issues, and experienced more trauma than I was willing to admit to myself. This trauma not only affected my ability to love. It affected my ability to receive love. I decided to take myself out of the love game for a while. Dive deeper into my walk with Christ, take a hard look in the mirror. And what I saw was a broken woman who did not feel worthy of love from man or God. I’ve been working hard my relationship with myself and God. That’s another blog completely. The process of learning to love myself is a hard journey, and I can tell you I still don’t have a lot of faith in men. Which is why my recent disappointment in love was so crushing.
 |
| Photography by Sarah Bell |
I generally keep most men at arm’s length in an attempt to protect myself. But a man I had a long standing crush on slide in my DM’s with the right mixture of charm, sex appeal, and conversation. We had an instant chemistry, and before long I found myself being more emotionally intimate with this man than I had been with my ex-boyfriend The Boston Bear and we lived together for four months. Ugh, that speaks volumes about that relationship.
The new objection of my affection Mr. Blue Eyes touched something in my heart I thought was long dead; desire, longing, a willingness to love. But his words didn’t match his actions. He cancelled two dates, didn’t follow up on a phone call and has seemingly put me on the back-burner. It's his loss you'll say. But, it sucks cause I really like him, and I was hopeful of our conversations being the start of something.
I felt myself like Theodora wanting to eat the apple of bitterness, say fuck all men to escape the pain of this recent love Heisman. My ego is bruised, and I feel all the contents of my heart I vowed not to share have been exposed. But I have to see this beauty in this moment.
Mr. Blue Eyes may have disappointed me but he gave me a reflection of myself that I hadn’t seen in a long time; a woman worthy of a man’s love. Our conversations allowed me to be flirty, funny, cute, sexy, and me in all my glory. I allowed myself to drop my walls and for a moment it was OK, it was safe, and exciting.
While I’m sad things didn’t work I have to see the good in this and move on. Not all men are bad. Not all men are players. And, one day when the Lord sees fit I am hopefully going to meet a real prince. He won’t be perfect. He probably won’t be rich, and he certainly won’t rescue me. I’ll rescue myself thank you very much. But our love will be real. And I won’t need to fit a perfect slipper, lose my voice, or give up my soul to do it.
Here’s for a real life prince charming from a only slightly jilted Goody Two Shoes.
I also want to thank the amazing Lynchburg photographer Sarah Eliza Bell who snapped these pictures of me at the Old City Cemetery for her blog www.empoweredwomenco.com
No comments:
Post a Comment