Lolo's Love Life: Just a Couple of Maybes (What Mr. Beats Taught Me About Me)

Letting Go & Moving On

What Mr. Beats Taught Me About Myself

Every relationship we encounter has a meaning or purpose. Some of the hardest lessons come from the relationships we don't want to let of, the relationship that break us, the relationships that make us question ourselves.

I spent two months with Mr. Beats. It's a chapter I honestly I do not want to close, but I know I must. Instead of focusing on why we didn't work, what I did wrong, what he did wrong, I want to focus on what I've learned.  I did a vlog on my YouTube Channel , click the video below to see how am I rewriting the narrative of this break up into something positive.

I loved who I was in our relationship. I was the most honest I've ever been with a man. I was bold enough to speak my mind. I set boundaries which he respected. I was patient, and kind. I was supportive, and caring. And, if I was pretty fun to be around if I say so myself. These are things I never thought I could be in love. So maybe, just maybe these past 60 days were worth the pain I am feeling and letting him go. I wrote something about our brief love called, 'Just a Couple of Maybes.'


Just A Couple of Maybes

I remember waking up and feeling yours arms around me.

I turn and watch you sleep

For a few moments I wish, “Let us enjoy this kind of bliss forever”

In this moment, all I want is you, and all you want is me

And...maybe, just maybe it could have been beautiful

Maybe, just maybe it could have wonderful

Maybe, just maybe it could have been love

Maybe it was all too intense… too fast to last

For a moment we reveal ourselves, shed the shame of our past

We show the hurt, the regret, the angry, and despair

Instead of judgement, we see two broken people imperfectly perfect...the scars, the battle wounds making us who we are today.

Maybe our broken edges were just too sharp to come together

The years of hurt, abandonment, heartache make us too scared to love

Too afraid to be vulnerable

Maybe we never put down our walls, never lay down the defenses we put to keep bad people out but block good people from getting in

In turn our high walls, surrounded by moats with alligators, and wired fences --- makes us enemies

Our defenses prick, stab, and pain the vulnerable parts of each other.

Silent treatment, harsh words, and fucks you

Maybe we were only supposed to have this one season, the transition fall to winter

Maybe were only a lesson, not the ultimate love

Maybe we are bridges for the other, a path that shows we’re capable of walking across the an ocean of romance to a love that is not each other

Maybe when the wounds heal, we’ll love smarter. 

We’ll be more patient, more kind, better listeners

Maybe we’ll lay down our weapons in love and war

Maybe this is the end of and the beginning of something wonderful.. A new chapter, a new beginning

Or maybe..we’re just a couple of maybes incomplete sentences that don’t have the verb right

A missing link that keeps us for being a reality…

I dunno… maybe we were nothing, but maybe just maybe we were everything…