VLOG SERIES: LOLO's LOVE : Mr. Hawaii
It's wednesday night and I can't sleep.
I toss and turn--then I remember my wedding trick.
The thing I use to do to help me fall asleep….before my depression took away my ability to dream.
I close my eyes and imagine---my wedding.
It is set on a Hawaii beach.
The background is a perfect sunset. Cotton candy skies, and crashing waves.
The sand is white….
I am walking barefoot -- in a slimming white dress -- I can not see the face of my groom.
But my heart feels he is the kind of man I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
He is kind, compassionate, funny, sexy.
He covers and honors me… and he is everything Corinthians say about love.
Flowers line the beach, creating an aisle for me to walk down.
There are no guests… just me, my long overdue groom… and Dwayne Johnson.
He is officiating our wedding--- and I as walk down the aisle.
The Great One sings the theme song from Moana.
It is sweet and tender, and it feels so right….
Before I reach the altar to face my groom-- my body is in deep slumber.
I awake the next morning, energized
Thursday, I worry I will have I will have a restless night.
I am anxious for a reason I can not place.
I decide to try the wedding trick again to ease my anxiety.
I turn on some R and B --- I lie on the floor and I am there again-- a Hawaii sunset.
And, I think for a fleeting moment of my husband and I in Hawaii.
A storm is brewing outside
I feel fear swell in my heart.
God I say is this--- the best that life has to offer me right now.
I pray -- God I am not testing you, but show me there is more than this.
Give me a sign that my best days are ahead.
I exhale , and rise from the floor.
Moments later I get a friend request from a man I don’t know.
He lives in Pearl City, Hawaii.
I chuckle, and accept…
"Mahalo" he types.
After I ask if this his attempt at pursuing a BBW fantasy or scam me for money ---
we spend the next few hours messaging about life, depression, survival suicide, God
I explain to Mr. Hawaii that if he remembers nothing from this chance meeting - that God wants him to know that he is in the rebuilding business.
NO matter how broken or messed up or unqualified we think we are… God makes all things news.
Jeremiah 31:4 says “I will rebuild you and you will dance again.”
You and I Mr. Hawaii have not even began to dance.
He shares with me that he too prayed to God for a sign on this faith
angel number evening (March 21, 2021) to show him a sign.
I am sure then that the God of all things bring two souls together on
opposite sides of the world for a time such as this.
I do not know what will happen next -- but I know my Father uses all things, ordinary, big, small, and grand to speak directly to his children. To invirograte them.
I feel God is tell me --- don’t lose heart , your best days are still ahead.
I find myself yearning for Mr. Hawaii in a way I have not in a long time.
I feel seen in a way I havent
HIs admiration makes me fall in love with myself.
I want to walk a little straighter --- work a little harder.
Could this be the beginning of something beautiful - a love I have never known..
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