October is Depression Awareness Month, and this month I'm inviting a guest blogger to share her story of living with depression. Danita Sanders is an artist, business owner, mom, grandmother, and inspiration. She will share her story of depression and one of her biggest triggers.
Danita's Story
I have been blessed with the opportunity to share my journey with depression and anxiety thanks to a beautiful soul and mental health advocate extraordinaire, Lauren Hope. Lauren shared her story with myself and a room full of women and it was the first time I had ever heard someone share their fight with depression and overcoming suicidal thoughts even attempting suicide so openly.
Lauren would later find out that I shared her struggle as well. And it was listening to her that helped me FINALLY release the silent stigma that I've for having a mental health issue. I wrote about depression in my first book, God, Love & Divorce: A Journey of Self Discovery, and mentioned it in a blog or two, but I have never openly spoke about my failed suicide attempts as young as 12 years old or how I go regularly to see a counselor just for maintenance to maintain my mental health.
Now that I can honestly call myself a survivor, I too, like Lauren (my mentor even if she doesn't know she is), want to help lift the stigma of depression and anxiety issues and bring more awareness to the need for open dialogue about mental health. It's a new "Me too" movement that helps each of us walk side by side, arm in arm, supporting each other instead of tearing each other down. That is the theme of this blog. I want to share what I have learned recently through the interactions with someone I knew.
The greatest gift you can give yourself if you know you have struggles with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts is first, find your triggers and second, develop coping skills. I shared at one of Lauren's Storytelling Nights what my coping skills are.
- Therapy - I started therapy on and off back in 2000 after a major family situation. I would see a therapist again in 2009 for what I know now was depression, but I would not be formally diagnosed with situational depression until many years later. Basically, major change "can" send me into depression over a short period of time. Now that I know that I go to see a therapist for maintenance, the same way you take a car for maintenance regularly.
- Exercise - Exercise for me involves getting into the pool at the gym. I will take water aerobics classes or just walk the link of the pool for 45 minutes to an hour
- The beach - I go to the beach to ground. I place my feet in or on the sand to reconnect to the earth and enjoy the beauty of nature.
- Painting - I always wanted to learn to paint. A friend of mine took me to my first paint night and I have been painting ever since. I had no idea when I started that art it would become a form of therapy for anxiety and depression.
- Writing - Whether it is journaling, blogging, or writing books (3 new ones in the works), I found a great deal of relief in writing on my life experiences and lessons.
Finally, I want to share on the importance of knowing your triggers. Recently, I had someone I knew "ghost" me. I have no idea why. I reached out to them several times and they would not return my calls or messages. I made one final attempt and then I decided this was too much and I walked away. This interaction upset me greatly and caused me a great deal of anxiety. It was in this moment I realized "ghosting" is a trigger.
Ghosting is defined as "the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (dictionary.com)." Psychology Today says, "People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel." That hit the hammer on the head for me. It's not the first time someone has done this to me, but this time I paid attention to how it made me feel. Ghosting is a form of rejection and brings the same emotional pain as physical pain to me. In the world of mental health, Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment and a form of emotional cruelty. The last thing anyone who suffers from a mental health disorder needs is emotional cruelty.
So here I was presented with an opportunity to learn about myself through pain yet again. Pain can be a teacher if we let it. Now I know I must build my boundaries and use my coping skills should someone ever do this to me.
If you are prone to anxiety and/or depression be mindful of people who have unaddressed mental health issues. We want to have compassion and empathy for people but at the end of the day there is a loyalty to self that is needed must be applied so you can be healthy for the people who really need you and are destined to be in your life.
Thank you Danita for sharing your story. If you are interested in sharing a blog or a story on mental health email me at teamgoodgirl84@gmail.com
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