Good Girl Chronicles: The Real Me

It's been about four months since I took my life back from depression. In January, when I asked God what I was going to do with my life next, He answered.

"Baby girl you are a writer. You always have been, you always will be, so write for me honey. Write about your passion, your pleasure, your pain. Then show my children what my grace can do. They will say look how it saved Lauren, maybe it can save me too,"God whispered.

Since then I've opened my heart to address what is often a private pain, depression. I have shared with you how it felt kissing a man after two years of thinking no one would ever touch me or love me. I wrote how amazing it felt to date City Hall, a guy I would normally consider out of my league. I've showed you all of the amazing people God has brought into my life to restore me, praise me, heal me, and love me. You have also seen all the people who walked away, the fake friends, the TV people I adored, and a reunion I wanted so desperately to happen. I have laid my soul bare because I feel it is part of my calling, and I hope in some way it shows you how beautiful God's love is.

In January I made a bold move to share with you all why I left WAVY News 10 essentially ending my television career at the ripe age of 30. It was a hard thing to write and it shocked a lot of people. My family was scared for me. They worried I would never get a job again, or that people would judge me harshly. But this is my walk not theirs, and I am no longer afraid of sharing that depression almost took my life. It is scary how close I came to ending it all. That is my truth. Now that I am healthy please know that I work hard everyday to keep depression at bay. I take my medications, I go to therapy, I surround myself with people who make me feeling amazing, and I finally have a job I love again.

Since I've reemerged the support has been amazing. Strangers on Twitter are applauding me, friends in private are sharing their pain as well, and everywhere I go people want to hear more of my story. That is how I know this is God's plan. My business is not making money right now, but in my heart I know that will change. We (God and I) will travel the country talking about depression, news ethics, and getting back up when you're down. We will vacation and God will show me his beautiful world. I will fall in and out of love. I will meet great men and not so great ones. I will restore my broken relationships in my family. I will be stronger, tougher, and more courageous. I know these things because these are the desires of my heart, and because I Delight in you Father I know you will bring these things to past.

SO HERE I REPOST MY REVEALING STORY OF WHY I LEFT TELEVISION FOR THE NEW FOLLOWERS AND THE ONES THAT HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE THE BEGINNING. I want you to know why I do what I do. Why I post selfies to show the world a curvy woman can be sexy too. I write of my pain to show God can release you of yours too. I share my love life so you can see a broken woman like me can be courted, love, admired, and desired. It is intoxicating the love you receive when you believe in yourself. I show you the people who are loving on me so you can see what the Bible means in Proverbs where it says "Iron sharpens iron so one person sharpens another." I reveal my heart to you in hopes you see God there too. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes, but know everyday I am chasing God's love, and trying to live his dream for me.

The Real Me By Lauren Hope

(January 8,2016)

Man this is going to suck. But here it goes. This is the Lauren Compton you all know. She was a 30-something television reporter who was on top of the world. I loved my job, my car, my dog, my life, and I truly believed I would find Mr. Right one day. I felt popular for the first time in life. I had invitations to go to dinners, event, concerts, you name it. And for the first time in a long time men looked at me different. They thought I was sexy, marriage material, arm candy. I have never felt that in my entire life. I’m a simple Tomboy from Mississippi who hoped to become a lady one day. And I had some amazing loves, or men I thought that loved me. For some it was only the glitz and glam of dating a reporter. But I didn’t see it and fell head over heels for some really crumby dudes. I almost married one. Can you believe that?

Well I’m here to tell you that is not who I am at all. I always felt I had to be perfect for my family, my boyfriends, my jobs, even my closest girlfriends. I’m not saying I wasn’t real with any of you--- I just made it a point to only show a certain part of myself. THIS IS ME a few weeks into January. I have dark circles from insomnia. scars from where I picked my face raw, my lips have healed but they too were red and bloody. In my depressive episode I would pull out my hair, pick my face, and lips. I wanted to look as ugly as I felt and I felt like the lowest of the low. In this picture I was just starting to get my confidence back, but I can still see the signs of my depression.

There are a handful of people who have seen the real me. … like the real me at my lowest. And I’m grateful those people still loved me. It has made me realize that the real me, the one God created is worthy of love, attention, care, and happiness.

I’m sorry for those of you I couldn’t really face it has nothing to do with you. But now at 31 with many failed relationships behind me--- three of them have already married but I wonder if they are really happy. (that’s another story) After facing the toughest year in life, thinking I wouldn’t make it to 2016 I can’t take the bullshit anymore (excuse my French) The last few days I’ve had to some major house cleaning in my life because of it. A LOT, and it hurt like hell. It still hurts. So yea--- this is the real me. At 31 I’m finally ready to show her to the world. And – you know what if a man loves the real Lauren fantastic—but if not I’ll find a way to make peace with it. I know now I have amazing girlfriends, an amazing family --- who love this overweight, insecure, book nerd, three toned faced (ok I should stop lol) woman. I AM READY to reintroduce herself as Jay-Z would say. So there you have it. This is me. I’m finally coming out. You’ll see me out a bit---- I’ve gained a lot of weight so don’t be startled. I’m working on it with a lot of help. But—I learning to love this real Lauren and I hope you love her too.

April 19. 2016

The Real Me: Lauren Hope

It is hard for me to read what I wrote in January. It reminds me of how much pain I was in, and it still hurts me I got that low. But today I am so much stronger than I was in January. I am gaining confidence, I am dating, I am making new friends, and I am a business owner something I never thought I would be. God your love is amazing. Jeremiah 31:4 says, "I will rebuild you and you willd dance again." God I know your work is not done yet, but I am dancing in a way I never danced before. Thank you KB my dear friend for sharing this scripture and showing me how to fall in love with the word, in doing so I fell in love with our Father.

Some of my wildest dreams are coming to pass. Like Psalms 37:4 says God wants me to have the desires of my heart; a good man, a good job, financial security, a full passport, the ability to make a difference, to save lives, and folks that is just the tip of the iceberg. God whispers secret dreams to me at night, ones I never considered, and when I rise in the morning I feel compelled to chase them. Thank you God for loving me so hard, for being ride or die when so many people couldn't. You comfort me, you cheer for me, and your voice in my life is moving mountains. I move by faith not by sight.

Now it is time to live in my dreams. Good Girl Chronicles will be an LLC very soon and when I will be offering Social Media Consulting, advice on blogging, and writing. I hope to be a beacon of hope for the depressed and mentally ill. I will travel the country with my message, and I'll have deep talks with beautiful souls. I will fall in love maybe with City Hall maybe with someone else and it will magical. I will meet Dwayne Johnson and I will try not to cry but it will happen anyway. I will tell him how he inspired me, and he'll be super honored. I will go to Hawaii, Paris, Costa Rica, and back again. I will have the desires of my heart, and continue to delight in your Lord. This is my new journey, my new path, and if you want to follow me --- follow my blog, twitter, instagram, or facebook I will share it all. If you want to invest in this dream go to my gofund page

This is my new mission.....I have a story to tell, will you be there to listen.