Monday, February 25, 2013
I was certain I would end things tonight. I would be assertive, direct, but kind. For some reason though I still wanted to look hot on this "let just be friends" dinner.
I bought a form fitting dress, applied some subtle sexy makeup, pulled my hair back, and completed the outfit with knee high boats. Sexy break up look- accomplished.
When I walked into the restaurant, and he was already sitting there. His dark brown eyes connected with mine, and I could see him accessing my get up. I felt so beautiful in that moment.
He was wearing red, because I told him it was one of my favorite colors. I appreciate how much he listens and remembers the little things I say. He helped me take off my jacket, pulled out the chair for me, and said, "How are you beautiful?"
My stomach felt weak, uneasy. My palms were warm to touch, and my heart made this weird flutter.
Wait! This is all wrong I'm supposed to be cute, cordial, confident then go into my "let's be friends" stitch.
We ordered dinner and he let me ramble about my chaotic day at work. And, he was really listening. Not like when guys are pretending to listen, but internally they are wishing you would wrap it up.
He looked at me as I spoke, and reached for my hand as if to say, 'It's OK."
He asked me questions and I replied. Then he stroked the side of my face and said, "You're good at what you do. Why do you worry so much?"
A warm sensation washed over me. I could feel it all over my body like some calming agent was moving through me.
Maybe I could have this let's be friends talk another time I thought. In that moment I wanted to enjoy the night with this romantic, tender man.
His phone rings, and he tells me it work.
"Do you need to go. It's OK?"
"There is no other place I'd rather be than with you tonight?" he replied.
This man must be an alien because boys I've dated don't talk like that. After dinner the dessert tray comes out and he doesn't glance twice when I consider the chocolate cake with glistening icing. There is no 'Oh my goodness she's ordering dessert after all that food' judgment.
It made me feel safe to be me. When we got up to leave he helped me put on my jacket, and pulled me closer to kiss him. I wanted to savour those seconds, save it, go back to it time to time , marinate on it, and use it to remember I'm worthy of all this romance, and love.
"I ask the waiter to take our picture. She snaps three photos on my Smartphone and we look at them together.
I see an image of two very different people who could maybe be more than just friends. The dinner was where I was supposed to put him in the friend zone, but I ended up seeing that maybe he could stay in my zone, a place I could love, learn and grow with him.