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Thursday, March 31, 2016

I have a story to tell.....

I have a story to tell...
Will you be there to listen?
I have conquered the beast of depression
Will you be there to help me, help other?


I have a story to tell.....
People have come, people have gone
Will you stay to listen?
Will you be there to help me conquer the next day?

I have a story to tell....
I am wiser, I am stronger,  I am better much
When I look back on all you pulled me through
I never would have made it.

I have a story to tell I will you be there to listen?


Sunday, March 27, 2016

Lolo Parties: Dance Scene in Lynchburg & Club Flirting


Saturday night I ended my tour of downtown Lynchburg’s club scene by going to Dish, a restaurant that turns into a dance spot after 10:30 p.m. If you live in the Hill City then you know the owner of Dish was once the owner of Mangia on Rivermont Avenue. (I loved that place by the way.)

As I do for any night on the town I played some good music and proceeded to go through five outfits before I found one that worked. I decided on my new light blue Bebe jumpsuit. It is comfy and gave me room to dance if I wanted to. I finished the outfit off with some cute Hello Kitty glasses I found at a Lynchburg mall, and some sandals I got on sale at Target (i don't pay full price for any clothes anymore. They must be on sale.)

Before leaving I stopped downstairs to talk to the bartenders at my hotel. We all talked about the downtown night life and then a rowdy man from a nearby wedding party came and shook things up. He had some crazy tales of how the wedding went South. I swore to him I wouldn’t write about it, but trust me it was fucking hilarious. 


I finally arrived at Dish around 11:30 p.m. Parking was plentiful, but I was a little nervous because the parking area was behind a restaurant that was completely dark. There was no lighting at all. Needless to say I walked super fast. This chick is not getting Datelined if she can help it. When I finally reached the sidewalk of Main Street I could see bright lights coming from Dish. Interestingly enough there was another dance party happening right next door except that music was country and hard rock. Gotta love Lynchburg’s musical diversity.


Before I could get inside I had to pay a $5 cover charge which isn’t bad. What was entertaining was the appearance of the bouncers. They looked to be very young and super handsome. I jokingly said, “Oh what you’re the bouncer? Yeah right.”

“I am the bouncer,” the young man said proudly. He was wearing a red blazer, shirt, and tie. This was the smoothest bouncer I had ever seen. 

In Richmond bouncers were huge, edgy, or standoffish. This kid was practically flirting with me. I laughed. If this was my protection I might be in trouble. After some slight flirtation, I was so comforted to see people I knew. I ran into a band member of this soul group called 'Apple Butter' and we talked for a while. Then I headed over to the bar for a drink. They didn’t have Bud Light Lime or Michelob Ultra which I love but they did have Bud Light. I settled for that. 

Like a lot of dance places most of the people dancing were females which was OK. But, I wonder why do men come to clubs or dance spots if they aren’t going to dance? In Richmond you practically have to push the men off you on the dance floor. The men in Dish did nothing but watch. I even asked one fine Latin man (There I go again. Sorry City Hall I promise I was good) why he wasn’t dancing. He said it’s cause he didn’t dance. Lame! There were a few guys dancing but not enough for me to get not enough for me to get on the dance floor and shake it so I watched. I do  have to give it to the DJ Jack Edma. The musical mix was fire. I wanted to dance so bad but in my bootylicious Bebe suit I was afraid I would get Datelined. 


There were a lot of hot females at Dish. The girl sitting next to me at the bar looked just like
Durrani Popal is hot
this smoking hot girl from the Kardashian show Dash Dolls Durrani Popal. I told her so and then pulled up a picture on my Blackberry. I should have snapped a picture with the Durrani look alike but her boyfriend was a tipsy and feely. I didn’t want to ruin the moment. If you watch Bar Rescue on Spike TV then you know that females are important to clubs, restaurants, and bars. These venues cater to women mostly because if they come the men come. And, if the men come to watch girls then you make money. It's a simple philosophy. If I ever own or operate a club I plan to use John Taffer's model. It works.


Feeling like an old lady, I got up to leave around midnight. Before I could make it to the door though I was struck by this super tall white guy. He towered over everyone. I wanted to flirt so bad. I wanted to test the waters and see if he liked black girls so I went for it.

“Oh my goodness you are so tall. You’re like the Jolly Green giant,” I said yelling over the music. (Good opening line right?)

“I get that a lot,” he said. His friend chimed in, “He’s more like Goliath.” 

“Naw, I don’t believe that. You're the Jolly Green Giant,” I said patting his shoulder. (Women this is what I do to decipher a man’s comfort level with me. The fact that he did not move away showed me he was semi interested in the convo) We continued to talk and I learned he was a financial adviser for a big company, (I’m not allowed to say which) and he has no girlfriend cause he is super busy. (I’m busy too but I still make time for City Hall) I kind of got tired of him not making a move so I finished our conversation and I left.

Dish was a cool spot. The dance area is a little small but they make the most of it. There is plenty space to sit and chill if you want. Just don't expect any fine Latin men to dance with you there. Ha! Five dollars is not a bad cover charge. I’ve paid upwards of $10 dollars to get in a Richmond club. It was cool though. 

But, honestly the most fun I had that night was back at my hotel. I laughed it up with the bartenders there and the bald one made me feel super cool. We laughed over our similarities. He told me about his girlfriend, I told him about City Hall. It was a good exchange. After that I went upstairs whipped out my CVS Kettle corn, danced, organized my clothes, and fell asleep. Does this mean I am getting old? My idea of a good night was kettle corn, dancing, and Key & Peele. The night would have been perfect if I had City Hall to cuddle with but maybe another time.


Lolo is packing in her party shoes until next time. Thanks for the fun Lynchburg!


Love you, Love God More


Lauren Hope 

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Lolo Parties: Something About Lynchburg

Lynchburg like so many other places is not perfect. It has its fair share of secrets and ugly parts. I have to admit when I first came here I hated it. I know hate is a strong word, but that is how I felt about the Hill City. I was here for a television job, but I desperately missed my friends at VCU, I missed the Richmond lifestyle, and I missed being close to Hampton Roads. Needless to say my first year in Lynchburg was miserable. Except for my boyfriend at the time I hated every minute in Lynchburg. I remember counting down the days until my tv contract expired.

Something happened to me in Lynchburg around my second year of living there, I started to find things I liked. I liked getting up and seeing the sunrise over the mountains, I liked that people said, “Hello” and “Excuse me”, I liked the coffee shops, and small town feel. Before long I found little places to find peace: the balcony of my Rivermont apartment, a restaurant called Mangia on a Saturday morning ( I know it is gone now but I loved that place), the church I fell in love with off Fort Avenue. Towards the end of my television contract  I found I had fallen in love with the Hill City. Love creeps in on you like that sometimes. Then one of my very best friends started working at the station and life got better. Love you Ivory.

Me & Ivory at a wedding


 
There are too many reasons to list why I love Lynchburg  but I do. I have tried so desperately to move back, but I could not find a media job worth fighting for so I instead I have opened my business in Chesapeake. But, thanks to some amazing new friends in the Hill City I was invited to come back to the breathtaking mountains, and party a little. This is my story of partying in downtown Lynchburg.

Partying in the Hill City : Glasshouse/Jefferson St.
This probably was not the best time to come party in the Hill City. (They call Lynchburg the Hill City because it literally sits on hills or at least that is what I was told when I first moved here back in 2009) Hinderances to the party scene this weekend: it is Easter weekend and the Liberty University students were off for the holiday. I came nonetheless because my business in Chesapeake (Good Girl Chronicles) is tough and I wanted a breather. Jack Edma, a friend I met during my last visit to Lynchburg suggested I come experience one of Lynchburg’s party spots, Dish at 1120 Main Street on Saturday nights after 10:30 p.m. I'm told the Dish restaurant turns into a hot little dance scene late at night. I have not partied or danced in a long time so I jumped at the chance. A receptionist in Richmond messed up my reservation Friday night so I decided to come a day earlier and experience the party scene at Glasshouse at 1320 Jefferson Avenue.  (The building is made of glass people. You can see people dancing when you drive by.) 

This is an account of my night at Glasshouse.

Arriving at Glasshouse
I arrived around 10:00 pm. I was surprised at how beautiful Jefferson Street looked. I left
Lynchburg in 2012. Since then the city has done amazing things to revitalize downtown. As I drove my Beetle down the cobblestone streets I marveled at the new apartments, and businesses that lined the area. And to my amazement the city had finished the Bluffwalk. The Bluff walk is gorgeous. It is a basically a HUGE staircase that connects two streets in Lynchburg. As a reporter I saw how the city fought back and forth over the funding and necessity of the Bluffwalk. But looking at it now I wonder why they ever fought. It is so great. As a single woman I was impressed with how well lit and safe the area looked. I could totally see a group of my girlfriends and I taking the Bluffwalk down to Jefferson Street, partying, and then go back to our parking spaces on Commerce Street. Learn more about the project here.


Don't Get Datelined
I am not a paranoid person, but I am nervous about getting Datelined. That is my expression for the unfortunate possibility I could be kidnapped, murdered, raped, or hurt. I get this feeling on first dates, going to new places, traveling alone, and going dancing alone like I did last night. I know it is silly. But I lived in Richmond, Virginia for a long time and at one point that city had the highest murder rate in the state. I also lived in Hampton Roads during a time gang violence was prevalent in my neighborhood of College Park. I’ve been afraid of being Datelined before I knew what that meant. Not to mention one of my tv crushes Keith Morrison voice and tone tells me every Friday it can happen to anyone. Love you Keith. Hope we meet one day.


Anyway, as I drove down Jefferson Street to go to Glasshouse I noticed there was a Lynchburg Police officer walking the area and that brought me comfort. I asked him how long he would be patrolling, and he said not long.


“If you feel unsafe I will come back and escort you to your car,” the officer said. 

Now people I have not ever experienced this in Virginia Beach or Richmond both places I have partied. I was taken back. And, I don't think this man was hitting on me. As a former Lynchburg resident I know that this is typical Lynchburg behavior. When I lived here people did kind things like this all the time.


With the officer’s reassurance I parked about two blocks away from Glasshouse. (Parking was
tight) Glasshouse caught me off guard the minute I walked up. There was a little red carpet area, a grassy outdoor patio area for lounging, and you can literally see right through it. I could see the party was lit. Girls were dancing (always a plus) , the DJ (Jack Edma, and Tony Camm) were killing it, and the energy was great. I wanted to dance. The cover is $15. A little steep for my wallet but I honestly did not pay because I am blogging on the venue. 

First impression: I loved that the venue was clean, and not smoky. I have been to clubs where that was an issue and it made the experience unpleasant. Who wants to breathe in stale smoke when they are dancing, or step over used plastic cups? I also loved the music. It was a great mix of Top 40, hip hop, oldies, reggae, West African Music, and EDM. I am a music buff but I do not know West African Music or EDM. The DJ Jack Edma says its groovy to dance to. I’ll take his word for it. 


The kids in this place were on fire; dancing, hugging, laughing, and having a good time. I can say kids because I am pretty sure the average age in that place was like 23. I am 31. I have earned the right to call them kids. Anyway, I loved the vibe in this place. I decided to wear some Bebe jeans and my COMPTON shirt. (that is my last name and I love that the city of Compton is cool now). I did not feel undressed at all. Some girls were wearing booty shorts others were covered like me. It was all good. None of the guys were trying to grind on girls who didn’t want it (Ive experienced that too many times), and the PDA was appropriate. Maybe it is because they do not serve alcohol. I don't know, but everyone was on their best behavior. I loved that. When I party I want to have a good time without someone being rude, touchy feely, or aggressive.


I felt a little naked out there on the dance floor all alone. I needed some fun girlfriends to pull me on the floor and make me dance. That was not the case last night so I did not dance. Instead I talked with some young professionals about their desires to bolster Lynchburg’s night scene. It was a great talk and I loved hearing people talk about improving a city I loved it. I sincerely believe this group of young professionals will make downtown Lynchburg a hot, safe, electric place to party in a few years. 


The party closed down around 11:00 p.m. so I headed out. Just as I was leaving I saw my one of my favorite Lynchburg celebrities, Tony Camm. I knew him when I was a reporter in Lynchburg. I call him the P.Diddy of Lynchburg because he does everything!  He is a performer, he does music videos,  movies, his kids are all talented, he has a gorgeous wife, he has a big time job, the list goes on. I am honored to know him. As Tony and I wrapped up our stop and chat (Curb Your Enthusiasm Reference)  a young whimsical man approached us. I don't remember his name but I know he made me laugh so hard. We posed for duck face selfies and I left. What a good night.

Handsome bearded dude I met. He's engaged. Lucky woman.
My whimsical friend who loves duck face selfies


Like most club nights I was not ready to go to bed at 11:30 p.m. so I got a book, and headed to the bar of my hotel. Yes I took a book to the bar. It’s Grace Helbig’s book called ‘Grace & Style: The Art of Pretending You Have It’. She is a big time Youtuber and I follow her because I want to be a big time Youtuber. Anyway I didn't end up reading the book anyway. I spent about two hours talking with this great bartender I will simply ‘The Bartender’. We talked about love, sex, and relationships; everything my blog is about. It was mad cool. He had a lot of great stories and we connected over our similarities. Don’t worry I am still very smitten with City Hall and 'The Bartender' has a girlfriend.

City Hall Update: I Trust No Man
SIDE NOTE: City Hall said the sweetest thing yesterday here’s the exchange.


Me: I am a detective. I will find something on you online. Trust me.

City Hall: A detective? Lol

Me:I am . I research everyone I date, and trust me I will find something on you. (clearly I have been burned) I always find something. Like the married man that tried to get me to sleep with him. He didn’t know I knew his wife. I busted his ass too. 


City Hall: Lol you won't find anything on me trust me. (He’s right so far I have only found speeding tickets. Can't knock him for that.)


Me:I trust no man until they show me otherwise. I have been burned too many times. I have to love smarter now. It’s not you City Hall - it’s the world.  People are hady as fuck! My own friends have thrown me under the bus City Hall.


City Hall: Lol I feel you I'm the same way. 

Ha! Made me think of an old Beyonce song--- called Upgrade you. I believe if you do me right I do you right. You love me hard and I will do the same. I will upgrade you boo. The bible says a woman should support her man. So if you mess with Lauren Hope trust me I will go to bat for you. Beyonce and Jay-Z know this.



Ok City Hall—- we can do this. I see a great friendship forming here and maybe just maybe a great love. We’ll see but I am not putting all my eggs in that basket until he proves he’s worth it. 


So that was my night y’all. Tonight I will go to Dish on Main Street. I was told to dress pretty! I plan on wearing a Bebe jumpsuit I love. 

 Let’s hope I don’t see any ex boyfriends ( I dated some dogs in Lynchburg too) or ex loves there tonight. I seriously wanna look hot, drink, and people watch.  Please Lord let this happen.




Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Love After Depression : The First Date With City Hall

First dates are the best in MY opinion. You are a bundle of nerves, excitement, and anything is possible. Dating City Hall has been no different.

After a week of texting and chatting with City Hall I was more than ready to see this Latin love face-to-face again. Since I was driving past Richmond on way home to Virginia Beach, City Hall suggests I come by his job for lunch. I arrive a few minutes before 12:30. My heart feels tight like its is bundled up and hiding inside of itself. I park the Beetle next to a parking machine that is covered with a green blanket. Great that's all I need is a parking ticket when I'm going to see City Hall. Fuck it, I'll chance it. 

I must admit my outfit was a on point that day. A few days prior I visited Bebe at the Williamsburg Outlets and I bought as many sexy outfits as my budget could afford. I settled on a pair of black high-waisted pants (which look good on a curvy frame), a pink sheer sweater from Banana Republic and tan flats. I felt hot but not like I was trying too hard. (this is my mission for every outfit in life )

When I walked into City Hall's office, my eyes zeroed in on him.  He looked better than I remembered. He looks every bit of business in his suit and tie. His beard is nicely groomed, and those eyes are killing me softly. When I approach the business license counter, City Hall looks slightly flustered and he rests his head in his hands.

'It's never that bad baby hon," I said in my cute girly voice. You know the cutesy voice ladies use to get a man to do something. When he finally looks up at me, he gives me a slight smile. Two Latin men approached City Hall's counter so I stepped aside and watched City Hall work. City Hall spoke Spanish, the language of love, to every Latino that came in there for issues. I melted every time he said a hard 'R'. I could tell he was a huge asset for this office, and even though I'm not his girlfriend that made me proud.

"Want to go outside," he say. I nod yes. We walk outside and the second we open the door there is a gust of cold air. It is cold today, and I'm thinking I want to step closer to him, wrap my arms around him, and slowly press my lips to his. It is too soon for that Lauren, focus on those gorgeous eyes. We talk about our ambitions for a minute, and I'm surprised to see that City Hall is a smoker. Now ladies this is normally an absolute deal breaker for me, but for some reason I didn't give two shits about his smoking. I wondered if I could taste the nicotine if we kissed, and if I could tolerate it. Am I lonely or is City Hall just that attractive to me?

"Let's go inside. It's cold. I don't know what to eat," City Hall says ushering me inside.

"Oh, I would have brought you something. I already had a meal replacement I'm totally not hungry." This is only partly true. I can always, I mean ALWAYS eat. I dis however eat a meal replacement shake to settle my nerves.

City Hall shows me to the cafeteria, and we stand in front of a deli stand while he tried to order.  The NCAA tournament is playing on a television in the background.

"Ugh, the Rams are out. I am not longer interested in March Madness," I said. I purposely mention  that I half way watch sports. I want him to know I am not just some girly girl, and I like guy stuff too.

"College ball sucks," he replied.

"Excuse me! College ball is the heart of sports. The kids aren't beholden to million dollar contracts, and they play with so much heart. What is wrong with you?" I snapped.  Ok I can get on my soap box about things but I could not understand why I he didn't like college ball.

"NBA that's where it's at," he says then flashes that grin that hooked me.

"Well I guess. I like Lebron, Kobe, and Dirk. They are the only players that speak to me."

"Lebron? Lebron? He's overrated."

"Um, excuse me did you not see 'More than a Game' about Lebron's high school career?" (Um, I own it. And yes I've watched it several times.)

City Hall laughs. We sit down to eat and City Hall goes on to tell me is one of five brothers. His family is very close, and they all help each other. I explain I'm a former reporter, who always wanted to be a writer. My family lives in Virginia Beach, and I'm not as close to my siblings as I would like. This goes on for about 20 minutes while City Hall eats lunch.

"Let me take you somewhere,"City Hall says showing me the way. When we we get off the elevator I notice we're on the observatory deck and you can see the entire city. In all my years as a reporter I've never been to the observatory deck and I've been to this particular building several times. Nice touch City Hall. He is either a good player or a slight romantic. I hope it's the latter. (I have burned by so many charming men I have to prepare for both outcomes.)

We talk some more about our ambitions, like how he has a prototype for a cool invention, and like how I planned to be published this year. It was a cool exchange. I haven't been on a lot of dates where the man had as much or more to promote about himself as I. It was refreshing.  For a second we are alone on the deck, and I'm hoping he will kiss me. The moment takes me back to this Total song from the 90's

I am lost in his eyes, and just when I think it is going to happen someone walks onto the observatory deck. FUCK! It won't happen this date. The tension built up inside of me is hard to swallow.

"My break's almost over. Let's go," City Hall says.

We head downstairs and before I leave he hugs me and gives a simple kiss on the cheek. His lips are soft. That is enough for me. Ok, City Hall I see you. Gentleman, funny, determined to co-sign on the NBA being better than NCAA, and so fucking hot. There will be a second date if you are game. I walk away, trying hard not to look back but I can't help it. He waves.

I get to my Beetle and sure enough the parking police did put a ticket on my car, but I didn't even care. I plan to plead ignorance which is true. The meter was covered.


Anyway, City Hall texted me minutes later.

"Don't worry I will be seeing you when you're back in town."

Ok City Hall OK!

Ahh here's one of my favorite Youtubers describing the First Kiss Jitters.. HAHAH--maybe next time folks. BTW I love him and I want to meet him in real life.



Honestly, y'all I don't know what will happen with City Hall, but the journey feels amazing. They people will remember how you make them feel more than anything. Well City Hall has made me feel amazing, beautiful, flirty, and fun-- like me again. So even if nothing materializes from this courtship I am so grateful to have shared a few playful text, conversations, and an amazing first date. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

Love After Depression: Meeting City Hall

As many of you know I am "talking" (that's what we call it when we are in the beginning stages of dating right?) to a man I call 'City Hall.' I met his sexy ass while I was trying to get a business license in a city hall.  I won't say which cause I don't want  nobody coming for my Latin boo. And, he came right on time just as I was relishing in my love of Latin men. He's the kind of guy that reminds you of your sexy, that makes you blush, and makes you want to dance again.

Meeting City Hall

Here is the scene: it is cold, rainy, and windy outside. I did not see the forecast so I'm wearing a dress, no panty hoses, and sneakers for comfort. I threw on a grey fleece jacket over it and I'm power walking to city hall. The city I'm in is notorious for ticketing drivers, and booting their cars. (a dead giveaway I know) I figure if I run in and out the meter maid won't be able to ticket me.

I am seriously not worried about how I look right now. This is business and I am anxious to start my LLC so I am walking with intention. A few men have glanced at my legs clearly wondering why I am not wearing panty hoses or tights on this cold day. I smile and shrug it off. When I finally find my way to the city hall room for business licenses, I am slightly irritated. There is a long ass line and I know city hall closes at 5:00 p.m. It is 4:00. Straight ahead of me is a counter with two black women who totally look like they are over answering questions. Great I have to deal with attitude today too. Why did we do this black women? Why do we project this bitchy persona? I mean we can smile, we can be soft. 

I prepare myself to get handled like a two year old by one of these black women, yet to my surprise she kindly tells me I am in the wrong room, hands me a piece of paper, and directs me to the right pace. Ugh I have been power walking all day, my calves are burning, and I have to race three blocks to make it to the right office. I'm so over this today. 

Just as I was about to leave I glance over to the next counter. There he is. Mr. City Hall. He grins at me. I grin back. I take a piece of hair and tuck it behind my ear. What are you doing Lauren? He is working? Move your ass time is running out. You will never see him again, get moving. These thoughts have me frozen, I look down at the paper work the black woman handed me and I think to myself, "Is he trying to get my attention? Is he looking at me again? Should I do this? Like should I do what I really wanna do which is proudly go up to this man and ask for his number?" I look at him one more time and our eyes lock for a second. It's like that scene in Drumline when Nick Cannon finally gets close to the object of his affection. This Alicia Keys songs starts to play and it's as if only the two of them exist.



I exhale and approach the woman standing next to City Hall. "Excuse me ma'm I know this is odd, but I think your co-worker is so fine," I said. "I figure I only have one shot at this and I don't know when I'll be back, can you give him my number."

"Excuse me," she said. Her eyes got wide. "You want me to give him your number?"

I'm thinking to myself she must get this all the time. City Hall is too cute for words.  He has this light skin. It's a soft mixture of caramel and vanilla. He has black hair, and a beard that to me makes him seem a little tough. I wondering what is under his suit, and don't get me started on that cute little grin he gave me.

If Alicia Keys could do it I figured I could. "Yes ma'm I want your co-worker's number."

The lady paused for a second, then she smiled wide. "You know what? Get it girl," she said and raised her hand to give me a high five. I wrote my number on of piece of notebook paper walked out of that city hall feeling amazing.
  
Depression was killer for my love life. I pushed away every man that ever cared about me, because I didn't think I was worthy. I look back and I wish my heart would have allowed me to connect with one of those men who wanted to comfort me. In a way maybe God wanted to show me He was the ultimate comforter. So here I am for the first time in over a year, feeling super attracted to a man, and having the confidence to actually go for it.

City Hall texted an hour later when he got off, "Hey, it's that cute guy from City Hall."

"Well I'm Lauren and I'm glad you texted back."

He asked for some cute pictures of me, and I dug deep into my Facebook profile and found the ones that highlight my best figure, like my smile people, my smile.

He sent me some cute pictures too of him and his brother, and him in a fly ass suit. I liked this man's swagger. For the past week we've exchanged texts and I heard his sexy Spanish accent over the phone.

"Your voice is so sexy, and I love Spanish. I studied for five years and I studied abroad, but I am so terrible at speaking it, " I said.

"Don't worry Mami we'll get yout there," he said.

His voice was a little Spanish, a little hood, and a whole lot of hot.  How can someone's voice make you hot and bothered? Have I been single too long?

 In a short manner of time my name has gone from Lauren to boo, to sweetheart, to hey love. Gosh I love pet names.

In my past love life I let men set the tone. They determined where we went to eat, what we talked about, and how our relationship worked.  Not this time. Now that I am a stronger, more confident woman I want to assert some standards too.

"Promise me no matter what happens between us you are honest with me," I texted one morning. "I am a big girl. I can take it. I might cry or get angry, but trust me I'll get over it. If you see another chick that you want to pursue let me know and set me free."

"I am being real and honest," City Hall texted. "I will always be that way with you."

"Perfect, you have no idea how hard that is for some people. I am a little soft so sometimes your honesty will hurt, but I always bounce back babe always." (and that's the truth y'all God has made me a resilient sister.

Tomorrow I'll blog about the sweet little hour we had during his lunch break.

Now for those of you who are worried I'll fall in love too soon. I am very sure of what this is, it's the infatuation stage of a relationship. It's the time everything about that person is awesome, perfect, and untainted. I love this period in dating, but I love what's next more:when shit gets real. That's the moment you know if the infatuation can grow to love. Will the guy love you when Aunt Flow visits and all you want to do is watch 'The Notebook' and eat chocolate?  Will he listen when you complain about the messed up people at your job or tolerate another story about your girlfriends? Can you roll over in the morning with your satin bonnet, no makeup, and still expect him to find you sexy? I do not know about City Hall this is only the beginning. A beginning I am so happy to explore.

City Hall may be a few dates and a smile or he could be the next boo. He could be the one strong enough to hold me down. We'll see, but I'm definitely into him.





Sunday, March 20, 2016

Life After Depression: I AM THAT I AM


When God said I would be a new creature I don't think I fully understood what He meant. He meant new creature. All of the things about myself that I hide my depression, my love of Latin men, rap music, confusion about math, and ability to appreciate the female form are all coming to the forefront of my being. This is who I am, who I always was.  Like God told Moses to tell the Israelites, "I AM THAT I AM." I am! Simple I am me! 



My whole life I have wanted to be perfect. No, I needed to be perfect. I did not want to let my parents down, or anyone down for that matter. I needed people to see me as unbroken. I knew in my soul one day I would be a role model, an example, or a light for other people. These are the secret petitions of my heart. God whispered in my ear when I was very little.


“Lauren, your love of books, writing, and learning is beautiful. We will use those one day to help so many people,” God said.


I would often laugh when God talked to me this way. I mean here I am a Mississippi Navy brat just trying to survive on these mean streets of base housing. How did He see us being on the cover of magazine, speaking at conventions, pushing government to get real on mental health, connecting with celebrities who share my pain? The list goes on y’all. 

Honestly when Kanye West says,” These dreams be waking me up at night.” I know what he means. 


I have had a fire for these passions since I was a little girl watching WWF (thats before it became WWE) with my great grandmother and playing with my Jasmine Barbie. (interesting combo there right?) Now here I am 31 years old, three months out of the worse depression of my life and God is telling me to set myself free. Break free from the chains of judgement, disapproval, and disappointment. They have held you hostage for too long. It has compelled me to date men my friends wanted me to date, to miss opportunities out of fear, and tolerate hurtful people in my life because I didn’t want to be alone. I sat silent because I did not want to hurt people’s feelings or challenge their beliefs.  I became a door mat because I felt being strong would be too much for people to handle. I did not want to be labeled a bitch, cocky, or arrogant. We see what that is doing for Kanye West. Sure he is rich and has a hot wife but the vitriol people speak about him is unthinkable. The dude’s a rapper why are we expecting him to act like the Pope?


But, no more. I AM THAT I AM. I am a complicated role model. I love T.D. Jakes, but I also love Lil Wayne. I am a Tomboy who loves to play with makeup and dress sexy like Beyonce. I have a big ass and boobs too big to talk about and sometimes I like showing them off. (there is a time and place for everything under the sun). I did not wait until I was married to be intimate with a man, but I still believe I deserve a good Godly man. 

Some of the music that sets me free from anger or hurt is laced with curse words. Shout out to the new boo Tory Lanez, the old ones like Lil Wayne (I really like him yall) Kanye West, Jay Z, Chris Brown thank you for Dueces, Drake, Nicki Minaji, Eminem, Tyga. I could go on all day. I also love Norah Jones with a passion, Cold Play, Christina Aguleria, Demi Lovato, Jlo, Katy Perry. These women give me life because they have experienced heart break, depression, and renewal. By the Grace of God is by Katy Perry and spoke to my heart so much after this recent heartbreak by a man who claimed to never love me.



I AM THAT I AM. I love boy t-shirts but I just bought some killer tight dresses from Bebe and I plan to strut my stuff in them real soon. I mean not like at Kroger or Food Lion. Come on people I do know boundaries. I have a few functions I’m scheduled to go to where I plan to slay, and show curvy women you can have it all a big butt, and a smile. Look at me now.


I am soft, sensitive, and sweet. Sometimes when I get really angry I cry not because I am sad but because the anger is that strong. So if you see me cry when we argue, you really done done it.  God is making me tougher. I have little patience now for people who disrespect me, call me out my name,try to tell me how to live, offer unsolicited advice, advice I know is against what my Heavenly Father says. Eat this, take that, sleep with him, date him. People I know you love me but God’s got me. If you feel God has put it on your heart to share something with me great if not please hold you peace.

 I no longer will be silent when someone disrespects me. That part of me is over. If you come for me or my God you will see frustration or anger on my part. I will strive to be respectful in disagreement and I hope you will do the same. God did not make us all to agree, He did however make us to love. So understand if we argue, get heated, or exchange cross words please know I am praying to let it go the minute it is over. I want to argue like men do. Let’s fight, yell, and then the next day let’s wash our hands of it. We have too much to do and too little time to waste on petty grudges, and misunderstandings. 

It’s time to ‘Let it Go like that chick in Frozen said. LET IT GO. Here's is Demi Lovato's version! I love her !she slays @!





I AM THAT I AM. I am done with my past, past loves, past issues, past hinderances. I have made peace with most of my exes. Some still have not made peace with me and that is ok. I can tell you all of my intense, earth moving loves have moved on. They are married, they have children, great jobs. Now it is time for me to do the same. I am talking to a guy I will call City Hall. He is younger than me, but he is mature. He is funny and considerate. He is a hard worker, but also a dreamer. He is a father, and a good provider. He is not perfect and he knows it, but everyday he tries. His family means everything, and he goes hard for them every way he can. He helps his brother like all the time even when he’s tired from his own responsibilities. I see you City Hall, and if I can I will help you. Oh yea, and he’s Latin. He’s Latin, not important but since I wrote  about loving Latin men I’ll come clean. He is Latin. That is just how I love. I go hard for those I care about. That’s the God in me. I AM THAT I AM. We may not work out, but I won’t regret helping another one of God’s children even if it turns out we’re better off as friends. This is how I want to love now. God show me how to love like you.


I AM THAT I AM grateful to all the strangers on Twitter who want to help get my book published,  gave me computer advice, shared their music, writing and dreams. I love you so much for believing in my dreams. You don’t even know me and you want to help me. That is God right there.

Special thanks to my new artist friends who I promise I will meet one day @marionfielder @kayladams you dolls were the first to follow little ole me and I feel we are all kindred spirits. 

Thanks to @LinseyDavis how did you know a little tweet would set my heart on fire? Did you know I always liked you the most on Good Morning America ? I said to myself, “Lauren if you go national, carry yourself like @LinseyDavis. 

To the first FAMOUS person to follow me the (guy from vampire diaries) thank you hottie, and good luck with your music. 

To the everyday people like me who pour into me on Twitter and read my blog thank you. I will even say thank you to the haters who debate with me about Donald Trump, black voters, and call me being a washed up journalist. Ha! Just wait to see what God has in store for me next, it will be far greater than the job I left or the dream I thought would sustain me. Trust. God said it’s time to go to work, and Lauren Hope plans to work.

Love you, Love God More

Lauren Hope 

Friday, March 18, 2016

Fine Fella Friday

Every Friday a lot of us on social media celebrate #flashbackfriday. I love it because people post the most adorable throwback pictures. It's as if you're being granted special access into your past.

 Last night, I got to to thinking. I want to praise good men on Friday whether they be celebrities, past loves, or current loves. I want to celebrate the men in my life who are pouring into me. When I use the term "pour in" it comes from a parable. Someone told me this parable as a kid. I can't recollect the exact story, but basically there are people who will  "pour into your life.". That can be good or bad. There are also people who will take from you. They take your time, your energy, your heart-the list goes one. A good relationship is where someone takes, but they also "pour into you" somehow. That is when a beautiful friendship grows, where in my opinion good love begins.

Here are the Fine Fellas who are pouring into me right now.


Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson - This should come as no surprise. People who know me, know I love and adore this man. Always and forever somehow this man's presences finds a way to make me smile. Being a business owner is tough work. I've had to have tough conversations with loved ones, stand tall when I didn't want to, and as The Rock say, "Lay the smack down on some candy asses."

The Rock and Kevin Hart are in a new movie called Central Intelligence. It is brilliant. I basically watched them shoot the movie on Instagram, They charted their journey there. But, I had no idea it would be this funny . The trailer was enough to send me and my best friend Michelle into a laughing fit. Love you Rock thanks for making me laugh in this challenging time in my life.


Tory Lanez- Some people may feel he is an unconventional choice for me. I am a goody two shoes. He is a Canadian rapper who wears gold fronts. He curses in his rap songs, and uses the 'N' word and bitches. I do like 'Hello Kitty' , drive a Volkswagen Beetle, and I love sunflowers. rust me, I know on the outside I should not love Tory Lanez, but I do and here is why.

About a month ago as I was coming clean about my depression I faced one of the toughest blows to my heart in my life. As many of my readers know the man I adored admitted he never loved me. I was really in the dumps about that. A guy friend of mine encouraged me, he told me to move on, and  listen to Tory Lanez song 'B.L.O.W. 

I used to love rap music in private. I thought as a good Christian woman I couldn't dare like N.W.A. or Tupac or Biggie, Jay Z or Nas, Kanye West or Ludacris.  But I do love these men, and I love their songs, their swaggers, their ability to share their blessings and their burdens.

So on the night I sat up weeping about another heartache, my friend said this (excuse the french) "Listen to Tory Lanez B.L.O.W. until you realize that asshole was a fool to leave you." 




The next morning I did. There are curse words, harsh language, but underneath it all Tory Lanez is talking about being burned way too many times by people who claimed to love him. He is hustling to get that paper, doing it the wrong ways at time. Underneath the lyrics you hear he is a hard worker. People challenge him all the time. He wants to prove them wrong, show them not only will he succeed, he will come back stronger. He has loved many women. He wants the ones who left him to see the new fine ass bitches he rolls with now. He does not stress himself with "hoes" (lol) or petty people, or the ones who "shit" on him. He only pours liquor for Ni**as that's it. I take that to mean he is only going super hard for his real friends. I could go on on how this song made me get off my ass and start slaying again. 

Tory Lanez says he can't wait to BLOW on you. In my mind that means I can't wait to stun you with my come up. I can't wait for you to eat crow when I'm on my comeback. I understand this desire. In fact, I struggle with this. My God says to accept the people who hurt you, maybe even help me them. The flesh in me says - BLOW ON THEM--- tell them to kick rocks. But, I can't. I will accept people who hurt me, I will hear their apologizes. But I am not stupid. When I'm back on top and these people come back I will love them different. No more passive, walk over Lauren. That person will have to earn my trust back, and I will keep them at a distance until I feel secure again.

I understand B.L.O.W. So while my guy friend didn't know this--- he set me on a path to fall in love with Tory Lane. I learn something new about him everyday. This kid is 23. Let that sink in! He is 23, has some amazing mixtapes, and just signed with Interscope. Love you boo--thanks for the lyrics that propel me. (Um Tory do you like older women??? Call me boo. I'm a straight laced country girl in Virginia Beach, but I can dance and I will rock with you)

Charles De Amor Clarke- Let me start by saying. I am not dating Charles. We met a week ago, and I am not getting any money for recommending his book. However in the few minutes I spent with Charles I felt a connection to him I feel with few men. I felt secure, safe, and accepted. The night we met I felt super self conscience about an outfit I was wearing, and as usual I was laughing a lot to distract people from my discomfort. 


( I can't stop laughing thinking about this) In our conversation Charles not only made me feel hella sexy, he made me blush. I learned he's a writer like me, and wrote a book about sexual intimacy. (I am blushing again) Some people are uncomfortable talking about sex, but Charles is not and he said things about sex I have NEVER heard. NEVER! I'm talking biblical things about sex. I had to read it. Charles got me an copy of his book, and I am learning a lot. So ladies if you are bored, or looking for a good, steamy read pick up 'Alpha Female: Poems for Divine Scared Sexual Intimacy'. It is for married women, single women, searching women. It is a good read, Its so popular copies are selling out fast. It's 13.99 but consider it an investment in your healthy, sex life. 

Go to TheAlphaFemale69.com for details. You can also email Mr. C at charlesdeamor@gmail.com He is a gifted conversationalist too so I'm sure he'll love your emails. 

Thank you fellas: Dwayne Johnson, Tory Lanez, Charles Clarke--- for pouring into me this week. Keep slaying


Love you, Love God More

Lauren Hope


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Luh Ya Papi: Why I love Latin men

I don’t know how a small town Mississippi girl like me came to love the latin persuasion. But, I do. There is something about a confident, light skinned, Latin man that drives me wild. My first encounter with a hot Latin man was on VHS. Don’t read into this with your naughty minds. I fell in love with Chayanne in the Vanessa Williams movie ‘Dance with me.” Watch the trailer and you'll get a hint why.


Chayanne plays a down on his luck dancer who starts working at an old dance studio to get closer to his father (but his father doesn't know he’s his father. Sorry I'm giving away too much).  In the process of getting closer to his dad, Chayanne meets the sexy, single, and lonely Vanessa Williams. Well you can only imagine what happened next?

They dance silly.



Dancing is one of the hottest things you can do with your partner. Your bodies are close, your sweating, and you're grinding to a sexy beat.  Ciara did a whole song based on it because dancing is so sensual. Ciara's song is called, ‘Dance like your making love.” Watch it and you will understand what I am saying. (at least I hope you do) Good job for putting a ring on it Russell Wilson (smart man)


Well Chayanne and and Vanessa's love story continues in Dance with Me through their intense steamy dance routines. I am sweating just thinking about it. The pair falls so deep in love that when Vanessa Williams loses focuses during a dance routine with her ex-husband (long story) she imagines dancing with Chayanne and it pulls her through. (damn I need me one of these men. Where were they when I lost focus in the t.v. field?) Chayanne leads her, guides her, and helps her land the moves. (isn't that not a metaphor for life) So much of dancing is like making love. Watch Ciara's video if you didn't get it the first time.

Here is the moment I am talking about - 

I must watch this movie tonight! (I still have it on VHS. Anyone know where I can find it on DVD?)

 Anyway that movie 'Dance with Me' with Chayanne is what started my love affair with Latin men. I am sorry Latinas!  I am sorry but as you know your men are sensual, passionate, attentive, and gentle. And, that’s just their personalities. I’ve loved some great Latin men and they have loved me right back. Each of the Latin men I've dated I've been best friends with.  They all loved talking, holding hands, kissing in public, cuddling, and hearing my dreams. You can say that all men do this. Ok say it. I am saying I have experienced a more intense bond with Latin men. That is my experience. Sisters if it isn't working out and you want an intense love affair, holla at a latin lover. They are insanely passionate, and considerate. This is not only my experience, other woman have co-signed on this for me. And, even though my latin loves didn't work out I loved being loved by these men.

The first Latin I dated was a straight laced corporate guy who seemed stiff and uptight. But, when I got to know him it turned out he was a sweet, tender, funny, passionate, a dreamer, and a kind lover just like me. So now that I am getting my “sexy back” so to speak the Latin men are coming out the woodworks. They are sending a sister mad love. 

Pause!

 I know what my sisters will say Latin men are possessive, machismo, controlling, and angry. I won't lie I can't praise the good without addressing the bad. I have experienced this with SOME Latin men NOT all. In my experience the younger Latin men have let all of that machismo attitude go. If you don't know what machismo is you have not dated a Latin man. Machismo in simple terms is this tense sense of masculinity that Latin men tend to exhibit. They can be prideful, cocky, arrogant about their masculinity. Some men take it too far and it comes out as anger. Others, use this to fuel their love lives (i am trying to be PC here) and their women benefit. I can't really say anything else with this staying a  'Good Girl' blog. So, yes I have faced some machismo but I have also faced some amazing love. That's with any man right? So as my girl Jlo says, 'I luh you papi. Thanks for showing this thick girl some love this past month. I am digging it."



My Love for Costa Rica
Also I fell in love with Latin culture and language when I studied abroad in Costa Rica at Tidewater Community College. Going to Costa Rica was amazing, and life changing. I met Christian women there who taught me being Christian didn't mean I would have to be a bored, shut in. I danced with hot Latin men with those girls, read the word, and found my faith. I could write a book on my time in Costa Rica, how it restored me, propelled me, and brought me closer to God. Costa Rica will always have a special place in my heart because of that. I may marry me a good Latin man, and retire there. I'll just write my books from the beach lol.

My Latin Run-Ins this month
I am serious when I say the Latin men have been coming for me. So here are a few snippets of the encounters I've had with my Latin brothers this month. Each of them boosted my ego to Beyonce status.

Gas station cuties --- This is to all the Latin brothers who winked at me at the gas stations and said, “Aye mama you looking good.” I'm literally in a Justin Bieber t-shirt and messy jeans but you think this is ok sexy. Ok brotha. 

My Latin Loves Lost - This blog is for the Latin men I loved and lost- know I am a better woman and partner for having been loved by you. 

To my new Latin cutie- Mr. C - To the Latin man I met a professional mixer who reminded me, “Lauren you are a bad ass bitch. Now start owning it. “  Will do C. It starts with being healthy, praying, loving me, setting standards, and not taking any crap.

Gosh look at me. I'm cheesing so hard I can barely smile. The guy has good flirt game. That's all I'm saying. Glad we're friends C.

Mr C. or Charles Linwood Clarke III wrote an amazing book called ‘The Alpha Female’. It’s a book of poems about divine sacred sexual intimacy. His words not mine. Just read the book. I think its 10 bucks. It's an investment in you---trust me, Buy it and then let's discuss lol.

Believe it or not the first few pages say the name God. It talks about sex in the biblical sense. You can pick it up or check it out here at TheAlphafemale69.com It’s a good read.

To my Latin cutie at Richmond city hall - Lastly, to the cutie at city hall who smiled at me, and exchanged phone numbers,  (he has no Facebook so I can get real here) thanks for the laughs these past few days and reminding me I am worthy of being checked out, whistled at, and romanced. I am storing those feelings about myself. I wake in the morning feeling fabulous, sexy, and free. Sisters before you lecture. I believe God can bring someone in your life to remind you of your worth. If that is City Hall's only purpose with me. I am fine with that. I needed to find my sexy again.

No matter what happens with Mr. City Hall God has restored my broken heart and broken self esteem. God said I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I know that again. That doesn't mean I won't stop trying to lose weight, learn more makeup tricks, and read more of the Bible. I have to stay prayed up to receive the King God has for me.

In the meantime to all my PAPIs i luh you---- and when i love I love hard.


Here’s to finding another PAPI to fall deeply in love with.


Love you, Love God More

Lauren Hope

I leave you with my first Latin love--- always and forever Chayanne

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

When did Sarah Palin Get Hard: Choose Your Words Wisely Sarah

I admit lately I have had a potty mouth. I'm not sure where it came from but I enjoy saying, "shit" "fuck" "damn" and "bitch" especially to fake ass bitches when I am frustrated. I will say "sugar snaps" in  mixed company."

Fuck" is a word I never thought I could say as a kid. It felt dirty but exciting. People who said fuck seemed so cool to me. So when I had the chance to drop the F bomb I did so with pride. A girl I knew was trying to beat up a friend of mine over a guy (isn't that always the case) Well anyway, she stepped to me and said , "I am going to beat her ass and then beat your ass if you don't step aside."

"I'd like to see you try,"I said. People don't know this but in high school this good two shoes said some shit to defend her girls. "Fuck off honey. You don't want to do this."

Now I was terrified she could have beat my ass and my friends ass. And my friend would  had it coming, she was flirting with that angry chick's boyfriend. But, the code I learned in Mississippi was you bossed up for you homegirls. Luckily, my fuck bomb was enough and she never stepped to me again even though I know she could have.

 SO now that I have rediscovered the F word I won't lie sometimes if someone crosses the line I will tell them they are fuck boys, or that's fucked up. I am not a perfect woman. I don't believe being Christian is about being perfect it's about trying to be Christ like. So I am working to bite my tongue. But if I'm honest I'm like when I played by everyone elses' rules and never told people who deserved it to fuck off where did that get me? People took advantage A LOT.

But listen I do realize that words are powerful. I watch Good Morning America Monday through Friday. I was listening to the cold open and I hear Sarah Palin say, " What we don't have time for is all that petty punk ass little thuggery stuff going on with so called protesters." Click here to here what she said and HOW she said it. It comes in around minute 2:10

Let me preface my Sarah Palin tirade by saying I read, "Going Rogue" one of her first best selling books. And I loved it. I loved Sarah. I thought we had a lot in common. She once wanted to be a journalist, got into politics to help people, believed in family, and had a Down Syndrome son (my sister has down syndrome as many of you know) Now back to my tirade.



Whoa Sarah! Whoa! When did you get tough? Umm, and I'm sorry I didn't know the mean streets of Wasilla had thugs. (Sorry to my Alaska friends) Where is this G'd up Sarah Palin coming from and why did she feel it was necessary to call the protesters. Palin is referring to protesters that were at Donald Trump's recent presidential rally. Note these protesters had a right to protest whether you agreed with their message or not. But it should have rose to the level of violence. This shows just how hot people are about Trump's rhetoric in my opinion.In any event, those are tough words Sarah. Why did you use them?

When I curse it is usually do it to convey anger or humor. Like, "Dont fuck with me." I want to let you  know that you are crossing a boundary. As a self proclaimed and labeled good girl people walk on me everyday, they use me, tell me how to think, and then get surprised when I tell them to back the fuck up. I've had enough of this and I've dealt with it since I was a teenager. I let guys call me ugly, fat, mannish, gross, I let girls call me fat, busted, and a hot mess. I could go on. And some of the these same people who dogged me in high school are now my "biggest fans". Hmm  OK1 Like Mike Jones said, "Back then they didn't want me now I'm hot they all on me." Mike Brown is .. I don't know where he is but he spoke truth in that verse. So I do choose my words carefully, and this new Lauren Hope has zero tolerance for bullshit. If I smell it or I'm near it it has to go. That is why I boss up.. But why did Sarah Palin?

Once again like I did with Kim Kardashian West post I do not have the answers. I am merely asking the question. You can debate, post, like,--- BUT PLEASE SUBSCRIBE I am trying to make this my bread and butter. So if you love Lauren Hope AKA Lauren Compton help a sister out and subscribe on the left hand side. I have a voice now. My intent is not to offend you but challenge you, inspire you, motivate you to think outside the box. I want to make you look at your views and either affirm them or make think hmm maybe there is another way.

That is why I write. More is coming... But seriously let's talk Sarah Palin why did you use those words?

Monday, March 14, 2016

I want a solider: my love for G men


There is a Destiny's Child song called, 'Soldier'. It talks about loving a man with street CRED. I know this is funny coming from me, but I have always knew how they felt. I was just too straight laced and afraid to admit that I too love a street man.

Watch is here https://youtu.be/qFJ3VKnwmJw . The song mentions how country girls love these type of men... well that might make sense then. I am a Virginia Beach girl, but I worn in Mississippi on the skirts of a small town. I grew up with guys like my cousin Toro Fields. (see right )


 Ok we have this joke in my family .. I was his secretary because of all the chicks that would call trying to get with him. Now Toro is tall, skinny, but he takes no mess, he is about his business, he is hilarious, he loves his family, he loves his God, and his brothers. He loves to dress a little G but his heart is in the right place.. He will chill with his homeboys on the dusty streets of Brookhaven (you don't know bout that). Don't talk no mess about his boys cause they are family-- I could go on. These are the men I grew up loving. So in my own life I am drawn to men with the same qualities like the TI's , the Drakes, the Tory Lanez, Nas I could do on.


Hey don't talk mess about my cuz you will get straight up blocked. He's a good man. He is not perfect but who amongst is. So yes I am drawn to men with "urban swagger" cause these are the men that loved Lil Mena growing up (my MS nickname)
I have loved an array of men-- and some of them have been men with street CRED who bumps to his loud music in his car, smokes a black and mild sometimes, and praises Jesus with his ma on Sunday. That's just me. I've also dated a corporate men who had no clue how to love me--- so which is right.. the man with street CRED on his grind or the suit and tie brother who had no clue about my heart--- neither-- this is my heart and my preference. 
Love you Toro Fields always will. 
Lil Mena

Shout out to all my men who are a little bit G-- but pay the bills, take care of the kids, go to church with moms, and still calls his lady his girl, (like in high school). Shout out to all my brothers with gold fronts with a big smile, and a bigger heart. Shout out to my strong men who may act tough in public but get raw and open with their lady in private. This is for you. If I fall in love with one of you next... oh boy get ready we are going to slay VB. 

Lolo's Urban Swagger Playlist (Men I love who are a little G)
1. How to Love by Lil Wayne
2. Say it - Tory Lanez
3. Bound 2-Kanye West
4.Got Your Back - T.I. ft. Keri Hilson
5.Whatever You Like - T.I.
6. How to love - Lil Wayne
7. For the road - Tyga
8. Another Round - Fat Joe ft. Chris Brown
9. She Ain't You - Chris Brown
10.Sure Thing-- Miguel (He man not be G but I adore this song)


Nas talks about the difference between "nice guys and guys like him. It makes me laugh. Nice boys are boring he says. I dunno about that but I do know my G'd out brothers are a little more exciting. 
x

Friday, March 11, 2016

My rawest confession

Today I released my rawest video confession. I am have come clean about my depression, since then I have been tested at every corner. So called "friends" have back stabbed me, hurt me, slandered my name, and called me toxic. I am none of these things. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am more than a conqueror. The Bible says let the weak say I am strong.

I had to really pray and get in the word when these attacks came at me. It hurt like hell, and I contemplated going back to the passive, go along to get along woman ,who sat in her pajamas all day last year.

God says, "Lauren Hope, you are now a new creature. With that some people and relationships will fade away. Stay tall with me and I will give you the desires of your heart."

So I cried out, and I am now OK. I am moving on. I am traveling today to visit a dear friend and I can't wait to hug her. She lit a candle at her church for me every Sunday, every Sunday because she knew I was hurting. I love you girl. Prayers like that brought me through. So now I share with you my rawest video confession of the hurt I experienced these past few days, and how I am overcoming it. In 24 hours I have been judged, labeled as weak, and told to shut up. But, I also have been adorned with compliments from a new friend, comforted by my oldie but goody friends, and renewed on the road. I have also laid bare my hurt to those hurt me, and opened my heart to forgive. I have sang till my vocal cords hurt to Rihanna's 'Brand New Person' and 'Work' songs that speak to me. I have also taken a huge step -- I am in the breakup stage of forgiveness and healing.

I love you all for your support.


Riri feels my pain---


Brand New Person

I can just hear them now
"How could you let us down?"
But they don't know what I found
Or see it from this way around
Feeling it overtake
All that I used to hate
Worried 'bout every trait
I tried but it's way too late
All the signs I don't read
Two sides of me can't agree
When I breathe in too deep
Going with what I always longed for

[Chorus 1]
Feel like a brand new person
(But you make the same old mistakes)
Well, I don’t care I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)
Feel like a brand new person
(But you make the same old mistakes)
I finally know what it's like
(You don’t have what it takes)
(Stop before it’s not too late)
(I know there’s too much at stake)
(Making the same mistakes)
And I still don’t know why it’s happening
(Stop while it’s not too late)
And I still don’t know

Finally taking flight
I know you don't think it's right
I know that you think it's fake
Maybe fake's what I like
Point is I have the right
Not thinking in black and white
I'm thinking it's worth the fight
Soon to be out of sight
Knowing it all this time
Going with what I always longed for

[Chorus 1]
Feel like a brand new person
(But you make the same old mistakes)
I don’t care I’m in love
(Stop before it’s too late)
Feel like a brand new person
(But you make the same old mistakes)
So how do I know that it's right?
(You don’t have what it takes)
(Stop before it’s not too late)

[Bridge]
And I know that it's hard to digest       <----------------------------------------------- (MY SOUL BREAKS HERE)
But maybe your story ain’t so different from the rest
And I know it seems wrong to accept
But you've got your demons, and she's got her regrets
And I know that it's hard to digest
A realization is as good as a guess
And I know it seems wrong to accept
But you've got your demons, and she's got her regrets
But you've got your demons, and she's got her regrets

[Chorus 2]
Feel like a brand new person <-----------------------------------(REBIRTH. God brought beauty for my ashes)
So, how will I know that it's right?
In a new direction
So, how will I know I've gone too far?
(Stop thinking you're the only option, oh)
Feel like a brand new person
(But you make the same old mistakes) <---------------------------(THE STRUGGLE of shedding the past) 
I finally know what it's like
(Stop before it's too late)
(Stop thinking you're the only option, oh)
In a new direction
(But you make the same old mistakes)
So how will I know I've gone too far?
(You don’t have what it takes)
(Stop before it’s too late)
(Stop thinking you're the only option, oh)
Feel like a brand new person
(But you make the same old mistakes)
And I know it's hard to describe
(Stop thinking you're the only option, oh)
(But you make the same old mistakes)
(You don’t have what it takes)
(Stop before it’s too late)
I finally know what it's like
(Stop before it’s too late)
(Stop thinking you're the only option, oh)<---(There's more than me--- more than the men that left--- GOD)
(Stop thinking you're the only option, oh)