#LOLOSLOVELIFE: The Pretty Young Thing Drug
‘Pretty Young Things’. When I first heard song the famous Michael Jackson song P.Y.T., I was a little girl. I remember thinking that MJ was talking about me. A super cute, pretty, young thing men would drool over. I thought when I was old enough to date I’d be a P.Y.T and I’d nab jerry curl haired guys who danced with glitter gloves. Hey it was the eighties. You’re lying to yourself if you didn’t think MJ was sexy in his black days.
In my twenties P.Y.T was my cute nickname for non committal twenty something men. I even dated one for a few weeks who looked like Jon B. That is another story. I loved P.Y.T.s in my twenties. They were so exciting and free of responsibilities. In my thirties, not so much. At 32, all the P.Y.T.S I’ve encountered are sexy fuckboys whose minds run off sex, jerking off, and chasing tail. Call me ‘Bitter Betty’ if you want. But, I was taken on quite a ride by a few P.Y.T.S in 2016. I knew better. Early twenty something P.Y.T.S typically want no commitment, but their game is more advanced now. P.Y.T’S have evolved, and if you aren’t careful you can get addicted. Their drug is laced with a lot of slick talk and a lot of failed promises of love. It tastes so sweet, and for a second so sincere. The new drug P.Y.T.S use to take advantage of your heart and mind tricks you into believing they aren’t completely full of shit. I went cold turkey and faithfully kicked the habit of pursing P.Y.TS, that was until I met one called Suave. A twenty-year old whose favorite topics were eating pussy and himself. He was a real peach. He played the game in a way I’ve seen few P.Y.T.S do. His drug was a swirl of hidden kisses, swapped secrets, and all the magical words a woman wants to her like, “I miss being in a relationship. Your kisses are everything.” And the one that did me in, “I’m here for you.” I have to tip my hat to him. He got me good.
We met through a mutual friend and he had all the tall tales of not being on level. Every ass that passed by him had to be stared at, collecting numbers was a sport, and he salivated when he talked about pussy. Apparently it’s his favorite cuisine. And, in most of his stories women were dispensable. I should have shut it down then. On the outside, he was everything my eyes loved about P.Y.T.S He had light brown skin,a well groomed beard, and full moist lips. Don’t get me started on the sultry Snapchat pics I saw of him with a towel covering just enough to make me curious. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one of his followers fantasizing about what Suave was packing. I think he got off on tempting women he had no real desire to be good to. But his charm got me. Something about the way he looked at me made feel seen again. After months of being rejected and feeling ugly, the attention was intoxicating. Ladies this is why is so important not to date when you’re insecure. Even a little attention from man whores will flatter you. Before long I was dressing super cute around him, and laughing like a teeny bopper when he said something funny. What the fuck was I thinking? In hindsight I so wish someone would have slapped the shit of me to snap out of it.
Then, my curiosity started to get the best of me. Every time we talked, my eyes were drawn to his lips. I had to know if they felt as good as they looked. So like any attention deprived woman would do I made up a ridiculous reason to make out. For some reason he went for it, and for a good two minutes I was in lip locking heaven. I have to give it to the kid his lips made me slightly moist. Sorry for the TMI, but you must understand how intense it was for me. I hadn’t feel a spark like that with a man since my ex. I was hella surprised it turned me on so much. Afterwards we both vowed to never cross the line again. But, like any drug the first hit wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
If our situation were purely physical I think I could have kicked Suave to the curb super fast. This P.Y.T’s sweet poison was laced with some I didn’t expect, feelings. It was the emotional intimacy that really broke me down. I was intoxicated the minute he opened up to me about his trust issues, his desire to be in a healthy relationship, and his struggles. Most P.Y.T.S I’ve encountered want sex, and sex only. Once they hit it they don’t want to hear about your feelings, they don’t comfort you, and they certainly don’t share their feelings. The phones calls stop, the cute messages, thus the chase is over. I’ve played with so many P.Y.T.S. I know once sex happens it’s over. So when Suave started sharing real intimate shit, I let my guard down.
Like most women emotional intimacy is what I crave most in a partner. My greatest lovers have been men who were emotionally free. They told me when they were sad and asked me to help. They told me gently when I hurt them and we worked on it. And, the best part they sincerely wanted to comfort me when I was in pain. One of the most tender moments I had with my first love was shortly after my mom’s breast cancer diagnosis. Facing death she looked at Mr. G.Q. (the love of my life) and said, “Take care of my daughter.” I ran out the house crying. He ran after me and under a sky of stars, he promised we’d beat it together. I still get teary eyed thinking about that. Emotional intimacy is a two-way street. God I adored that man. It was moments like that when I knew for sure we shared real love. Ok back to the drug pusher Suave.
Over the process of a few weeks, I found myself texting super deep shit with Suave till 2 a.m. He was emotionally bare. He wanted to understand ‘Love Languages’ and hear all the times my heart had been broke. The sexual tension intensified because I thought I had found a real confidant. It didn’t last long. He fell for my hot friend Beyonce.
Now, I don’t know the Beyonce Knowles ,but I like giving my friend this nickname cause she’s like the real Beyonce my friend can be painfully shy. My friend Beyonce is smoking hot. Like roll of the bed, don't do your hair hot. A gift I do not posses. And to top it off she’s white, blonde, skinny and has a fat ass. Most men’s fantasy. One day I hope she realizes this.
There was no competition.
It was high school all over again. I was friend zoned and relegated to being the D.U.F.F. also known as the “ Designated Ugly Fat Friend“ role that I knew all to well about during puberty. My interest in Suave should have died there. I mean the minute my friend Beyonce flashed a smile at him, I was literally chop liver. And worse all he did was ask me advice about how to ask her out. I was 16 again, and playing Oprah to all my hot guy friends. I hated that role. The fact I didn’t drop Suave after this is telling of my low self esteem at the moment. More on that later. So like any good side kick would do I sold my hot Beyonce friend a good pitch about Suave. I encouraged her to write him back and consider his offer for a date. She didn’t see what I saw, she rejected him, and I could see he was crushed.
After Suave friend zoned me for Beyonce I figured I should cut my losses. I deserved a guy who saw how fabulous I was. So I went into my ritual of getting over someone, a complete communication cut off. Out of sight, out of mind. No more seeing him in person, pushing myself to see other people, and trying to refrain from messaging him. I was doing good until our a mutual friend of ours, who I will call “Tall Drink of Water” (because she towers of me), invited us both to lunch. I tried as hard as I could to tuck my feelings away. I even wore an ugly outfit to show I didn’t put into effort into the “friend date”.
“Hey Lolo, you should sit by Suave,” Talk Drink of Water said. I begrudgingly complied. Suave brought his best friend, and before long it felt like a double date. Suave’s friend was talking about relationships, and over coming heartbreak. Suave had sex on the brain, bad! It should have disgusted me, but it excited me. Yes I admit I am cliche. There is something thrilling about pursuing someone you know should be off limits for you. It feels dangerous, and because some of his sexual talk was directed toward I felt desired.
Most of the lunch date I was trying not to look at Suave’s lips. I succeeded for the most part, but the tension reached a fever pitch when I felt his hand on my knee. He placed it right on the spot where I feel giggly and turned on. It took my breathe away and my mind went right back to that super tense first kiss. Somehow, I managed through lunch being more sisterly than sexual. But, that night we’d would break boundaries that left lasting cracks on my heart.
On a whim, Tall Drink of Water rented a room at a swanky hotel for a girls night. I so needed it to distract me from Suave. It would be me, Tall Drink of Water, and another girlfriend who got plastered way too early in the evening. It was so Sex & The City of us. We had drinks at a swanky bar and planned to stay up all night gabbing. Then Suave and his friend stopped up. I can’t say I wasn’t a little excited. He slapped my ass a few times, and dropped some hidden kisses. My mind couldn’t make sense of it. In true girl fashion I started over analyzing. Does this mean he likes us? Is he just trying to hit it tonight? Should I push him away? Are we friends with benefits? WHAT IS THIS? When we got back to the room, we all started talking about sex. The tension was so thick I felt myself getting flushed. So even though I knew better I said, “Fuck it.”
to be continued.......