Remembering Ayesha Faines: Ocean

I recently found out a young journalist I know passed away at the age of 35. Ayesha Faines was one of those people who epitomized black excellence. She made her own way, her own career, and carved her own path. We never met in real life, but she took it upon herself to reach out to me and affirm me. i will never forget that. Click here to learn about her.

I wrote this in her honor.

Ocean

Last night I dreamt of a large wave - a huge blue tidal force coming towards me

I stood in awe - not fear

Just in awe of God's might, his omnipotence

Dreams like this usually symbolize the weight of anxiety we feel - all rushing towards me

Those dream readers say it means you feel like you can’t control all that is in front of you , you’re scared , an impending change in your waking life is terrifying you

They are right

My tide is turning

I am building a business that I have to walk on water everyday to sustain

It takes that much faith

I have to visualize that the red numbers in my account will return to black

I have to stop holding all the people , places and things that broke my heart

But made me strong

I have to move my overweight body, push it to keep going

With the aching feet

The unrelaxed hair

The bushy brows

I beat my face , I slick the hair back and I keep going

I have to swallow every thing in me that says run when the possibility of love says I’m safe to stay

I have to look at all the trauma

Face the mountain of triggers that make me want to never leave the house

I have to mourn the people who God took from this side of heaven

Yes that wave - that tide is coming in

It’s large and it’s huge and it looks like it roaring like a Lion

But I remember in 1 Peter 5:8 my Father warned me this is what the enemy does

He roars like a Lion

So loud it shakes you to your core

He knows the pitch and tone , the weaknesses that make us turn away from the freedom of facing the biggest tides in our lives

But in this dream I am not drowning like dreams past

I am not fighting to breathe

I am struggling

I am standing

I am speaking

I am Brave

Courageous

I am DAVID and this is Goliath

I am standing

I am in awe of the armor I have now

Who dare stand against one of Gods chosen children

This huge wall of a wave is hurling at me and I am not afraid

It will wash over me

I will walk in the deep

Anchored to Gods mercy , love and grace

I will walk on water on this side of heaven

I will lead his children to their dreams like he told me in 2015

That night I wanted to die and God told me I had to live

Not only for me but for the children whose stories were not yet told

When you walk with the Holy Spirit mountains move , earth shakes and the water parts

This time I am not running

I am not drowning

I am not falling apart

I am rebuilding

I am parting seas

I am leading

I am speaking

I am elevating

I am showing

I am shining a light

I AM HOPE

I AM

This is the YouTube Vlog I did shortly after learning of Ayesha's passing. Rest in power queen.

Fine Fellas Friday: From Navy Vet to Quality Comedy King

Fine Fellas Friday: From Navy Vet to Quality Comedy King 

Comedy, the ability to make someone laugh is a special gift. It’s even more epic if you can do that in front of a live audience, and not break a sweat. Quincy Carr knows this all too well. He’s been in the comedy business for over 22 years and is known in Hampton Roads as the Quality Comedy King. His gift of laughter has taken him across the world and helped him develop a growing comedy tour. We at Good Girl Chronicles decided Quincy Carr was the perfect guy for this week’s Fine Fella’s Friday Feature. A moment where we pause to give it up for men who are doing extraordinary things in their community. 

Here’s our interview with Quincy Carr:

 

I understand that you are a veteran. How many years did you serve? What made you turn to comedy? I served for nearly 4 years. My naval career was cut short due to an injury on my first ship. Comedy was something I’ve always wanted to do. I was the typical class clown and the "funny guy", disrupter as an adult on the job. Strangely I never once considered pursuing an entertainment career until a co-worker at my first civilian job after the Navy, asked if I considered being a comedian. I decided to give it a shot and fell in love with the art immediately. 

Were you always the funny kid in class? No not all the time. But I was the person who people remembered as always trying to be funny. 

 You are also unique in that you do clean comedy, why is this important to you? My mother asked me not to be raunchy unnecessarily. Although I didn't fully listen in the beginning, I quickly realized I was being compared to my peers, as more clean than raunchy even if I cursed. Then I started getting booked to perform at churches. My club material would still work because those curse words were not what made the jokes the funniest. and that led me to create my own brand of comedy "Quality Comedy" which is family friendly & clean adult comedy everyone can enjoy whether in the club or church. 

Carr has a popular comedy show in Hampton Roads called ‘The Quality Comedy Series’. He started the show at the popular Virginia Beach Funny Bone in 2017 and moved the show to Dave & Busters in Virginia Beach six and a half years later. 

 Tell me about your show at Dave & Busters? Although I'm grateful for those early years at the comedy club, the change of venues really took Virginia's only night of live clean adult stand up to a whole new level and after 15 months of no shows due to Covid, I'm preparing for my 12th season. 

 The Quality Comedy Show is a part show and part competition. Audience members vote for the best comedian of the show. 

How did you come up with the competitive aspect? Plain and simple, it's the "middle child syndrome" LOL. No, honestly, I was never given anything and with my flaws, including physical and speech limitations, I had to face a lot of obstacles alone. I think that made me the person many others see today regarding my driven work ethic, confidence, and positive mentality regarding my pursuit of happiness. 

You're doing some cool things with your show now, tell us more about that? The virtual component and the multiple Dave and Busters deal. It's so cool to see all the challenges I faced during the pandemic manifesting as we're coming out on the other end. I am starting a new partnership with the streaming platform TGX Live to finally stream my shows live each month for those still not comfortable with being out in public and for those out of the area to finally see it live for themselves. The second thing is that I've officially expanded to the Dave & Busters in Charlotte for future shows. But make no mistake, Virginia Beach remains the home of the Quality Comedy Series. 

You're also a father and husband. Tell us a little about your family life. Overall, it’s private, but my daughter is my legacy and I want to build something she can be proud of and even continue it forward after I'm gone. My wife has been there since day one and has sacrificed so much especially in the last 10 years as I rebranded myself and pushed even harder to become fully self-employed. I love and appreciate them both so much for their continuous support and tell them often. 

Quincy is also a barber, co-host of a local show called Living 757, and somehow keeps it all together. 

How do you balance it all - barber, dad, comedian, show host? It's a lot! When others look at it all, I know it seems like it's a lot of work to juggle. But my business of Quincy Carr, Inc. is all about Quality Entertainment & Barber Services. This is what I'm passionate about... Delivering quality! Although I know it's work, I never feel like giving up or stopping because I love what I've created and the freedom it provides me. 

Fine Fellas Friday is about featuring men doing amazing things in our community. - what message would you like to share? Anything inspirational? Or pursuing dreams? I'll say this, Keep God first, and if it ain’t fun, you'll forget why you liked it in the first place. And whatever you forget, it's lost. Once it's lost, it takes some time to find it and bring it back and time is not on your side to waste. Remember it's not always about the financial gain when pursuing anything. That includes your career, relationships, and overall happiness. It's about the passion you have to be happy with who you are first!

Check out some of Quincy's material and if you want to see a show go to his website www.quincycarr.com 

The Hard, Jagged Road to My Recovery

 The Hard, Jagged Road to Recovery

Recovery. A word long used to describe people who are sober, abstinent from drugs or alcohol. The dictionary describes it as a return back to normal state of mind. However, you describe it it's something I've been chasing since 2014. The year I tried to take my own life. The year I began my slow descend into the abnormalities of Major Depressive Disorder. It was the beginning of kicking a can down a deep slope to despair, homelessness, abuse, and trauma.

I'm not sure I know what my normal is anymore. I say this from the perspective of a 37 year old woman who is applying for disability for the second time in her life.

For a long time, even while I lay sleeping on a gym mat in a cold, church sanctuary when I was homeless, I envisioned recovery i.e normalcy as returning to television. I often thought of  walking into a television station again with my head held high. I'd close my eyes and relish in the thought of sitting at the anchor desk with far more knowledge than when I had left. Because the viewers would know I was a woman who went to the darkness of homelessness, and abuse to regain prominence. I thought people would revere me more, respect me more, and maybe even love me.  But it's 2021, 7 years since that attempt and I'm nowhere near returning to television as an anchor, reporter, or director or any position I've held in my television career.

Spiritually, I've come to accept that the dream I once had of being on Good Morning America is not the dream God has for me. He's showed me in so many ways. But it doesn't make it any less hard to accept. This is the first year I've surrendered that to God fully. I now realize that this, me writing about mental health and suicide, my business Good Girl Chronicles LLC, and my future PR agency are the dreams I am supposed to chase. It is hard when those passions do not support your rising bills, calm your fragile PTSD symptoms, or help you process the trauma you've endured in your thirties. This is my reality.

Everyday I wake up thinking  maybe I'm stuck in a nightmare, and soon I'll wake up, back in my two bedroom condo, back to being the golden child, back to being the almost wife. But, then I place my feet on the floor, I look around the room I rent decorated with pictures of my past; then I remember this is reality now. This is my life now.

Recovery for me now is simply getting out of bed and staying awake. It is applying pressure to the aching heels of my feet, inflamed by plantar facitis because I am obese. It is looking in the mirror and affirming myself that I AM WORTH LIVING FOR. Recovery is meditating daily, connecting to my higher power, it is reading the Bible and believing the promises it lays out in those highlighted pages. Recovery is opening my heart to the possibility of friendship even when I am afraid to. Recovery is choosing at 37 to be my full authentic self, and owning what mental illness has done and continues to do to my life. It is speaking when I really want to run and hide. It applying the makeup for me and no one else. It is working the only thing bringing me income, my business. It is believing that there is victory on the other side of this struggle. 

Maybe for me recovery will never be a return to normalcy but a constant journey of putting one foot in front of the other. Hoping for the best, using my coping skills, doing the therapy, taking the meds, attempting to trust, and giving myself grace where I fall short. It allowing friends to help me when either it's a cash app donation or a breakfast at the beach. Not fighting the love, but accepting that people genuinely want to help me stay afloat. (I am grateful for you) 

If you'd like to see more of my journey I've been sharing on my YouTube channel far more than I've shared here.

Here's my recent vlog on the realities of life:

I am currently awaiting my disability decision and working my business daily. If you would live to give my birthday GoFundme you can. Only if you feel led to https://gofund.me/289a2ee5

Also - If you've read this far --- know this. Today is a hard day for me. But, I will press on through this. You can conquer the deepest valleys of life, and people want to help. If you or someone you know is struggling call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK.

#FineFellasFriday: Allen Campbell 'Giving Women Hope One Post At A Time'

FINE FELLAS FRIDAY IS BACK

By Lauren Hope

    Fine Fellas Friday is a moment where we here at Good Girl Chronicles LLC like to show some love to powerful, inspiring, and unique men. 

    You ever heard of Man Crush Monday? Yea, I have too. My only issue with MCM is that it is generally only about looks, and men are so much more complex than some rock hard abs, and a big biceps. I wanted to take a moment to show praise and respect for men who are doing extraordinary things in their community. This is what led me to reach out to Allen Campbell. I recently started following him on Facebook, and soon discovered why so many women admire him. He is a chiseled, adonis of a man, but also clearly a man with heart and respect for ladies. His posts affirm women, and at times give them an inside look into the minds of men. When I asked him why he posted so many things targets towards women, he replied that he wanted to be a model of what a good man looks and sounds like. I decided to do this Fine Fellas Friday differently and I sent Allen a lists of questions to answer. You'll soon see why I feel he's worthy of being recognized.

Allen is 53 years old, and has one son who is 28.

You post a lot of encouraging posts towards women. What made you want to start doing that?  

It all came about organically. I was working with single parent families and I would offer support to those experiencing emotional or physical abuse by sharing my own experiences. I felt so many single parents are amazing, beautiful individuals with so much potential that just needed a glimpse of hope and the first step in understanding their own strength is knowing they are not alone.

What is the reaction women give to your encouraging posts? The one word that comes to mind is "hope". Maybe it's hope in achieving something within themselves or hope in dealing with someone they love. The journey to clarity and inner peace is a beautiful thing. 

Why do you think so many women are jaded about men? Women are instinctively loving, nurturing souls. How they love and receive love is deeply internal and it is all based on the foundation of trust. Unfortunately some men fail to understand the core value of trust and how it solidifies a relationship. Trust is built by being transparent and honest with one another and that's a concept men have a hard time gravitating to until it's too late. Women understand this pattern all to well. Broken trust is painful and so many would rather be on their own than put themselves through that pain again.

A lot of women are jaded about men, how can men change this narrative? That's a great question. Men need to be more self-aware and take accountability for the consequences they created. The first step is relearning how to have real conversations with strong listening skills. Somehow we have lost our ability to be open, honest and reflect what women have shared with us. Instead of working towards building love and trust we have mastered the art of deconstructing it and that needs to change.

 

Fine Fellas Friday is about featuring men with hearts for service, uplighting their community and promoting positive things

If you could tell women one thing what would it be?  

Know your worth. The greatest love felt is the love you give yourself.

You are really into physical fitness. Tell us about your fitness routine and the role it plays in your life. My physical fitness is a love/hate relationship and I have deeply struggled with body image my entire life. But now I have learned to embrace the body I was given, good days and bad days. I love pushing myself, not in an attempt to achieve a body I am not ever going to see but because I am blessed everyday. Hearing my heart pounding out of my chest, embracing every breath means I am alive. I get to love another day and be around the ones that love me. And that is all we really need.

Paint the picture of your dream woman and why? I couldn't begin to paint a picture. To me our perfections in grounded in our imperfections. Everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way. We are our own work of art, life is the canvas and the palette of colors is endless.

Isn't he amazing? 

You can follow him on Instagram @allen_campbell67 

If you would like to nominate someone for Fine Fellas Friday email Lauren Hope @ teamgoodgirl84@gmail.com