Being a Peer Recovery Specialist: “I’ve Been In Your Shoes”

“What do you see in this picture?” the psychiatrist asks. He is holding a flash card with what appears to be splattered ink on it. This the famous ink blot test I’ve heard so much about in Pyschology class, and now it is being administered on me.

Maybe it is a butterfly, maybe it’s a human face. I don’t know. What does he want me to say? What can I say that will get me discharged from the psych ward? This guy has no clue, no fucking clue how small this test makes me feel judged, small, and less than. None of these people with doctor before their name understand what is like to be living with a mental illness. 

“I guess it looks like a butterfly,” I reply. He nods his head and says, “Hmm.”

This is one of dozens of interactions I’ve had with mental health officials who have starred at me, prodded me with questions, and diagnosed me since I was 16. Very few have every made me feel like they understood what it was like to really be in my shoes. The kind of empathy that bolsters your strengths not analyzing what is wrong or diagnosable with you. I longed for the kind of empathy that would comfort me when I didn’t think recovery was possible or that I was worth anything. The mental health system is just not built that way I am learning. For years it has been locking people away, drugging them up, and moving on to the next case. What I wanted was some kind of human connection to someone who felt my pain and saw enough in me to help me move past it.



Me and Director of Peer Services, Becky Sterling

It’s that feeling that lead me to become a Peer Recovery Specialist. By our very definition we are empathetic, compassion is in our job description. Peer Recovery Specialists or PRS for short are people with a lived experience of mental illness and or substance use disorder that uses their experience, strength, and hope to help people regain their lives. At the heart of what we do is sharing our recovery story to shows other that is possible. We can come to their level, meet them at whatever station in life they are in and help them reach their goals. We focus on what my PRS trainer Raymond Barnes says is “strong not wrong.”

The idea of peering has been around for years through organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous. But now it is becoming a recognizable profession across the country complete with certification, .registration through the counseling board, and validations through studies that show a sense of empathy is revoluntionizing mental health and addiction treatment.

My peer journey began before I was even offered a job. During my first psychiatry stay after group sessions all the patients would all sit and talk, help each plan what was next in life, and encourage one another. I didn’t know then that essentially we offering each other peer support. The advice of someone who had lived through my same pain helped me get back up. The experience changed me in so many ways.



For the past two years it has been my mission to share my story of surviving suicide, depression, homelessness, and anxiety. I’ve met with people in big groups, small groups, personal places, and public places. I’ve listened to their stories, and hopefully sparked a hope in them that their dreams are possible. I’ve made job referrals, connected people to resources. Well before I knew any of this was the basis of being a Peer Specialist. As I began looking for ways to volunteer and give back to people living with mental illness I kept stumbling across the description of Peer Recovery Specialists. It was everything I was already doing and everything I wanted to be doing more of. My opportunity would come after I gave a speech on surviving suicide in front of a room of mental health professionals in Portsmouth last year. A substance use administrator heard my story and said he would be calling me about a Peer Recovery Specialist job that not only would give me the opportunity to help others, but my training for certification would be paid for. That in a nutshell is how I started my journey in becoming a Peer Recovery Specialist. This month I will take my certification test, and August will make a year in this field.

The beauty of this job is as much as it is helping others it is doing amazing work in me. I am growing confidence in my abilities, learning about how to live with my mental illness, and changing the perception of mental illness.