If I Were a Boy!

            I wish I weren’t a girl sometimes. I wish I could lie next to someone, hold her, caress her, kiss her as if our moments together were our last and then just disconnect. Enjoy the moment, relish in the sheets with her, fall sweetly into her arms, breathe in her scent, and as night turns to day just disconnect. Why weren’t we equipped with these skills? Surely they would have come in handy. We wouldn’t sit around in circles analyzing men, wasting perfectly good productive time wondering why he didn’t call, why he doesn’t care.

           I’d hang with my boys, then effortlessly leak the details of my escapades. I’d tell them how sweet she smelled, the softness of her skin, the expressions of her face, and how I handled her as a man. They’d relish in my explanation, giving me the male equivalent of a Oscar.

  I’d leave her at home while I hung out.  I would have her so into me that she won’t make me live up to the standards she so deserves. I mean hey it’s her fault not mine. She doesn’t make me come home. I come home when I want. Smelling of alcohol I slide back into her bed, wrap my arms around her and try to oblige her. If I’m lucky, she’ll roll over and show me a little something. Even if inside she’s hurting, disappointed that love didn’t bring me home last night.  I will continue living the bachelor life when I know she gave up everything for me.

            If I were a boy I’d know which roles to play to get which women. I’d play the good boy to get next to the good girl, I’d be bad if she so desired. I’ll spit game about being honest, about caring for her feelings, and then the second I get her I’ll proudly exclaim to the world how I played her. How stupid do women get? I will feel no remorse for the girls I’ve hurt in the process cause it’s gotten me what I’ve wanted. I don’t care how I’ve damaged their hearts, how my actions make them want to give up love, think we’re all useless, hey man that’s the next dude’s problem.

I’d whisper to her that I believed in making love, real love, and tell her I would never leave her. But then I’d do just that whenever I got the chance. It’s not my fault she gave it up.  If I were a boy I’d be content getting everything I wanted without giving her anything she needed to feel whole, appreciated, cared for or respected.

But even if I could I wouldn’t play this game. There is something endearing about feeling with my heart. And while I feel exposed and vulnerable I’m not going to stop feeling because some men can’t. I won’t stop sharing my heart with people even when they mishandle it. I’ll learn to move on faster and not waste as much time on men who don’t have time for me. And I’ll be more careful to let people close to me, but not at the expense of shutting good men away.

Being a girl sometimes means getting hurt. Putting yourself out there only to discover you're out there alone. It means being disappointed, hurt, and used. But this is true for anyone looking to find something, some affection, some desire for another. While I don’t get men, I know the inner workings of being a woman. And maybe I do need to keep my heart a little closer to myself, not leaving it so exposed. There is something to be learned from all these games men play. Maybe this whole thing is learning from the game.

I won’t sit by phones hoping my stare will make them ring. Feeling foolish when I make the call or text that is unanswered. This girl has learned men who want you want to text, call, be near you. No job, circumstance, or event is going to stop them from being close to you. And if they don’t then honey as the author Greg Bernhardt says HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

It’s so true ladies… … if he cares he makes the effort. This girl will start changing lanes when she sees the red flags. The distance, the neglect, the past issues with other women, all signs he’s not ready or able to be that into you!

As a Carrie Bradshaw once wrote, “Some people are settling, some people are settling down, and some people are settling for nothing short of butterlies”. Here’s to waiting for the butterflies……

Dedicated to every girl who fell victim to a man’s game. Be happy you are a girl. Keep loving, keeping hoping. Sometimes we kiss a lot of frogs before we meet our prince.