Lolo’s Love Life: Sweetener

Sweetener

I wish it was sweet again.

Sugary like the first love note I got in school.

Reading it made my face warm to the touch, my heart pump with excitement.

I wish it was delicious again.

As tasty as those apple pie crumbles we ate on our anniversary.

Sitting close to you in one of those booth seats.

Together in a moment, writing a history filled with so many indulgent possibilities.

I wish it was as sweet as that Tevin Campbell song.

Where’s he’s trying to find the words to say.

But words get in the way.

I wish it was as innocent again as the sunflowers you sent to my job.

I mentioned that I like them because they do anything to face the light.

I will gaze at those yellow petals for minutes on end, and think of our chance meeting.

It was oh so sweet then.

I wish it was sweet again.

Like honey, sugar coated, candied, overwhelming, enveloping.

How your whole face lights up when I enter a room.

That slow grin that burst into a GQ smile.

You are proud to know me in intimate ways, simple ways, beautiful, and broken ways.

It was oh so sweet then.

In the backyard of your parents place where I gave you a ring

Inside was my first name, your last, and a promise that I was your forever

You beat back tears.

No woman has ever shown you this type of love.

No man has shown me this kind of devotion.

Our love is too luscious to contain to ourselves.

So we didn’t.

We hold hands in public, sneak kisses at parties, dart glances in the car.

It was oh so sweet then….

I wish it was sweet again.

Like those nights in the live truck when you’re pepping me for the last show.

I am scared, and depressed. 

I am struggling and afraid.

You remind that I’ve got this, it’s like we always do.

Minutes later the words come out, I put on the show.

Just like you said I would.

It is like we always do until it isn’t.

Until it is only darkness

Until my thoughts are all black, until my heart breaks in two

Until I lost faith, until my soul nearly breaks.

Until it feels like I am staring up from the bottom of the barrel

Then it isn’t.

The sugar dries, up the sweetness too.

I was jaded. I was broken broken

I was used and sometimes abused.

I felt nothing, I felt anger, I felt lust, and shame too….

Where is the sweetener for a girl like me?

Can it ever be sweet again like the Tevin Campbell song, like that time in Roanoke? Like that time overlooking the Lexington mountains…. like grocery shopping on Sunday, like walking the dog on the trails behind our apartment, like eating Chinese food until our stomachs hurt.

Like Drinking beer and playing Mario Kart til midnight……

Can it ever...can it ever be sweet again…?

I wish it was sweet again  

Like all those love notes we wrote when we lived 5 minutes apart

Like an email years later...when you tell me I was the love of your life…

And maybe in another life time… in another heart beat we could be sweet again too

God can it ever be sweet again….? I sure hope.

My hearts needs it too.

It aches for the sweetener that lit my soul, 

I longs for the sugar that seems to make whole…

Can it ever be sweet again?

MakeupMonday: My Favorite YouTubers to Follow for Technique

My Favorite Makeup YouTubers

 

Hey girlfriends! I've been in a love affair with makeup for about three years now. I love how makeup can transform, enhance, and highlight your natural beauty. I did not growing up playing in makeup like most girls. I was a Tomboy for a good portion of my adolescence and even when I became a television reporter I didn't love makeup. It wasn't until I started following makeup artist on YouTube that I fell in love with cosmetics. I've learned so much about products, techniques, and how to save money with drugstore brands.

 

So I wanted to share of my favorite makeup Youtubers with you who are good at teaching technique. I love these MUA's because of their awesome personalities, and how they really reach you about products. This is a short list I definitely follow a lot more but these are the MUA's I've been following recently.

 

Jackie Aina : Jackie, Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. I love Jackie because she is funny, lively but also gives amazing tips on everything from concealers, to blending to foundation. She also does really honest product reviews, and will give you dupes or drug stores brands that are just as good as upscale or prestige makeup brands. Here's one of my favorite vides of hers.

 

 

 

 

 

Makeup Shayla I heart Makeup Shayla. She like Jackie gives great product reviews but also good videos on technique. She also has lost a lot of weight through Keto and shares videos on that. She has done a few amazing collaborations with one of my favorite makeup lines ColourPop. Here's one of my favorites.

 

 

Jaclyn Hill Jaclyn Hill was THE FIRST makeup youtuber I ever discovered. I loved her cute, laugh, and honesty about her life. Recently, she's been in the news for a bad product launch. She took a huge leap to finally start her own cosmetics line with a line of nude lipsticks. There were a ton of manufacturer issues, and the internet roasted her hard. I'm only telling you so when you google her you'll understand. But, I respect Jaclyn Hill more for putting on her big girl panties, apologizing and giving it another go. You'll love her cute and quirky videos, and her adorable dogs that sometimes make an appearance.

 

JuicyJas I just recently started following Jas! She does everything from shopping trips, product reviews, and tutorials. Her skin is flawless, and she is amazing with her technique. I love how she can make a glam look with drug store brand makeup.

 

 

 

 

 

Bretman Rock :  This one is just for giggles! Bretman Rock  Bretman is a makeup artist but over the years he has become more of a YouTube personality than an artist. He and his sister Princess have the most hilarious videos together. Bretman is Filipino and lives in Hawaii. He love using the 'B', and has an larger than life personality. Trust me when I tell you he will make you laugh. Here's one of his most popular videos with his sister.

 

 

 



Meet the cast of August Spark of Hope Storytelling Night

Good Girl Chronicles Hosts Spark of Hope Storytelling Night

at Gourmet Burger Bistro

Highlights from our June Storytelling Night

I can't believe I am hosting my 11th Spark of Hope Storytelling Night in Hampton Roads. It has been beyond amazing watching this show blossom into a movement, a passion, and a means of setting people free. August 22, 2019 6:30 p.m. I'm taking the show to Gourmet Burger Bistro in Churchland for an intimate storytelling. Here's a little about our cast

Marcia Ali

Marcia Ali, affectionately known as the community Auntie aka #Auntie757, a Teenologist and a talented writer who is souled-out for teens. She is the foundress and CEO of the non-profit T.O.F.T. (Time Out For Teens). Her passion for seeing teens “be great” comes from her personal experience with her son being sentenced to eighteen years in a New Jersey state prison when he was 18 years old. Marcia desires to pull greatness out of every teenager she encounters. Marcia is known for her motherly wisdom and has the gift of bridging the gaps of broken mother/daughter relationships.

Catava Burton

Catava is AMAZING on stage. She is a national speaker,

mental health and trauma-informed advocate, and doctoral student

focusing on traumatology. She has been a featured contributor for

The Mighty and Medium, highlighted as a Human of RVA, and

This Is My Brave (Arlington 2018) alumnus.

Through comedy and writing,

Catava shares her story about depression, anxiety and other conditions.

Sarah Phillips

She says of her writing, My story is of discovery

and of light - the hope that I find in each waking morning.

If my story can help anyone struggling to find the light in their

world I’d put my hope to them through my story.

Shawn Givan

Shawn Girvan received his MFA in Creative Writing from Goddard College. He teaches at Old Dominion University and at the Muse Writers Center in Norfolk, Virginia where he serves as Program Manager. In his limited free time, Shawn enjoys writing in all genres, and his poetry and prose has appeared in a few modest literary publications. Shawn currently resides in Virginia Beach is married to his best friend and has a dog named Bacon. Find out more about Shawn at girvanaca.com and the social media Girvanaca

Alasha Bennett

Alasha is honest, encouraging, and uplifting. She's written two powerful, useful books on dating with purpose called 'The 7 Key Questions to Ask on the First Date' & 'Dear Future Spouse'

Tee Scott II

Tee Scott is a personal trainer, model, inspirational speaker, aspiring actor. He shared a powerful story of overcoming years of abuse as a child during our last show.

TICKETS $5 ONLINE, CLICK HERE TO GET TICKETS

Lolo's Love Life: Moments in Love

Photography by : Eliza Stinson

WANNA GO BACK

Moments in Love

There are moments, so many moments I want to say “fuck it” to love. I tell myself

I will never let myself get close to a man again. Too much drama. Too much disappointment.

Too much heartache. Too much of me giving, and not getting. But, then I let my mind

wander…..back to those moments in love, and I wanna go back.

I wanna go back to last year to that night when you were sober, lying on the floor
watching that Bobby Brown BET movie. I am on the couch, a few feet away from you.
The lights are off. The TV is on blast, but my heart is pounding louder. I know how you
feel about me now, and it’s not platonic. I wanna go back to that moment…

“Can I lay next to you?” I whisper.

“I’ve been waiting to be next to you all night,” you say. I ease off the couch,
and place myself under your arm. I lay my head on your chest, and I can hear your
heart beating as fast as mine. I close my eyes and for this moment I feel love.

I wanna go back to 2013, the night when my anxiety was showing up in so many ways.
We got in a fight. You raised your voice. I felt a stabbing pain in my chest, my throat closes,
and I feel like I am gasping for air. You have never seen this before, because I've always
hid it. Your eyes get big. You aren’t scared, but concerned.

“What is wrong?” you ask.

“I….I am having an anxiety attack. I never wanted you to see me this way,” I
say with my head facing the ground. I am taking deep breaths to refocus.
Instead of fear, or judgement, you respond in love.

“What can I do?” you ask.

“I don’t know...maybe just hold me.”  You lay down on the couch, and
you open your arms to me. I lay next to you, my back facing you… and I just breathe.
You stroke my hair. 

“I did not know you were struggling with this. You know you can talk to me about anything.” 

I nod my head in agreement. For a few minutes, I cry partly because I don’t know
any other way to release this anxiety. And, because I never thought a man could love me
in my illness. I close my eyes for a moment and I feel love.

I wanna go back to the moment I got off the plane, and I saw you. It was like those scenes
in the romantic movies. Time stood still as I saw you walk closer to me. Before I can
say a word, you place your hand against my face and say, “God you are beautiful.”
We kiss, soft, slow, and without care. For this moment I feel love.

I wanna go back to that day I come home from work, and see a pink heart on my front door.
It reads, ‘All the reasons I love you’. When I unlock the door, and push it open I see
red roses petals lining the hallway. There are pink hearts everywhere; on the sofa,
the cabinets, the toaster, the refrigerator, the bed. Too many to count. Each one with a
sweet message of why you love me. 

One reads, ‘I love your smile’. 

We are dating long distance and you’ve gone back home….
but I will find these pink hearts in my apartment for days.
When I close my eyes I remember real love.

I wanna go back to the moment, I close myself in the bathroom to cry.
Cry because my mother has cancer. Cry because my parents are divorced.
Cry because I am sad. You push open the door, and sit next to me. You hold me while
I cry and say, “We will fight this together.” 

I wanna go back to that night in Lexington… how you look at me under the
summer night sky. We are standing with a group around a bonfire, but I can only feel the
two of us. We make love that night. Something I hadve never experienced. In your arms
I know now I’ve only ever been having sex, it was never love. I am forever changed because
of how you hold me, attend to me, touch and admire me, When I close my eyes I remember real love.

And, these moments in love are only a few of the many I have experienced in my life.
So while at times I want to curse love and men forever… my heart won’t let me. It takes
me back to these moments when I felt real love… and even those these moments happened
with different men, at different times, and different ways….for those few moments I know in
my soul I felt real love… and that is worth remembering… it is worth hoping for again…
I wanna go back to those moments in love.

Good Girl Chronicles In The News

Spreading the Message of Hope in the News

Grateful! That's the word I'd use to describe the recent press surrounding Good Girl Chronicles. Last month, I was featured in a digital documentary series called 'The Muse Project' ABC affliate 13 News Now. The Muse Project features people in Hampton Roads, Virginia who are using their creative talents to contribtue to the community. The documentary featured my mental health journey, and how I am hoping to inspire others to speak their truth through storytelling nights. When the story premiered online I was overcome with emotion. It was poweful to say the least looking back on where I have come from. I was also overwhelmed by the feedback from so many 13 News Now viewers. The documentary series is going to allow me to engage with more people, and hopefully take Good Girl Chronicles LLC to more places in Hampton Roads. Check out the feature below or click here

Out of the Darkness Walk Suffolk Herald Feature

As a member of the Virginia Chapter Board of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, I am passionate about educating people about suicide prevention. I also want to engage communities of color to get involved in mental health programs and suicide prevention. AFSP hosts Out of the Darkness fundraising walks all over the country to raise money for suicide prevention. If you are interested in getting involved check out the AFSP website, go to www.afsp.org 

Check out my Suffolk Herald feature about the Out of the Darkness Walk here

This Friday, August 9, 7:30 a.m. I'll be on the new SKY 4 show Say Life TV with host Elyssa. I'll be talking about my Spark of Hope Storytelling Nights, and mental health. 

If you would like to support Good Girl Chronicles LLC you can make a donation to our Go Fund Me page www.gofund.com/teamgoodgirl or snag a New Storytelling Shirt on Sale for 2 weeks.

Click here to buy one now