#LOLOSLOVELIFE: The Prince Charming Syndrome
Sometimes I wish a Prince Charming would come and save me. He'd see beyond my heartbreak, messy life, negative bank account, and broken dreams. His love would restore my faith in the male sex. His strong arms would embrace my bulging frame, fat from antidepressants, and emotional eating. His eyes would see me for the radiant, beautiful, smart, loving, Godly woman I am. In him I would find a safe harbor, a trusting confidant, a friend, a lover like no other. When he leans in to kiss me, I feel desired. My sense of femininity is renewed through his passion for me. Then, just like those movies I grew up watching, Prince Charming would whisk me away to his castle. It's a place with no worry, strife, disappointment, or despair. All of my friends who comforted me in the wilderness would be there cheering for us.
I grew up watching romantic fantasies like this play out over and over again in Disney movies. Snow White, Cinderella, Little Mermaid, all women in distress who are saved by a handsome Prince Charming. My favorite tale is Cinderella. I still find myself applauding and cheering when Prince Charming comes and makes things right in her life. Girls nowadays have much stronger, independent heroines like Merida from Brave, and Mulan. These woman did not need a man to save them, they went out and did the saving themselves.
When I was young Disney taught me that men save women. My Southern upbringing only reinforced it. My mother and aunts would say, "Get yourself a good man with a good job and money." When I reached my mid-twenties they would say, "Don't you want to get married?" When are you going to have kids?"
And, my favorite comment, "Get you a man that loves you more than you love yourself." WTF. It was if I was not complete as a woman because I had not found a man to love me.
As a single, childless, damaged thirty-something woman I can see now I've been searching for someone to complete me forever. It all started when my father left........
I never knew my biological father. The story is he knocked up my mom when she was 19 and then wanted nothing to do with either of us. My mother rarely had anything to kind to say about him either. He was a womanizer, player, tempter, a dog. But, the comment that shaped how I view men the most is, "He didn't want you." That abandonment has played on my psyche since I learned that my own blood discarded me. I have longed for acceptance from men.
In my adolescence, I found the most joy playing with baseball with my male cousins, or being the comforter to all the guys in high school. Due to the Navy, my stepfather was never around when I was little. He gave us money, a house, prestige, opportunities but in my formative years he never gave me the type of fatherly love I so craved. He was distant, and cold. And, when I think back to my childhood, I can remembering fearing him, forced hugs, and awkward I love yous.
In my twenties the Tomboy in me gave way to a curvy, sexy woman. I fell in love for the first time, and in the arms of a beautiful bald, chocolate man, a void in me was filled. Mr. G.Q. loved me in a way no other man had. He listened to what I had to say. He played videos games with me. He taught me what it meant to make love. He rooted for me tirelessly, and whenever I was in need he was always there. I couldn't get enough. I fully expected us to live happily ever after. I thought that marriage would make me feel whole, complete, saved just like Cinderella. But the marriage never came. He cheated. I moved out, and went searching for the next man to make my fairy tale a reality. I chased marriage with all I had. I stayed in relationships way too long, stayed when I should have moved on, and endured more than I should have. ....
Now in my thirties.. I've let go of the illusion of a Prince Charming... my heart just can't take that fairy tale anymore. I think it's time I do my own saving..... I want to love myself on in the valley and the peak. I want to know comfort in my own arms, and more importantly I've found a love greater than any man can give. When I realized that God loved me in spite of my bad deeds, ugliness, and mistakes it freed me from a desire to be saved by a man. What heartache has taught me is that man will fail you. He will piss you off. He will lie. He will cheat. He will use you. But, God's love is constant, enduring, and everlasting. In my darkest days, when the tears wouldn't stop flowing, it was God who rocked me to sleep. When everyone leaves, God is the still voice leading me through. So now my prayer is not for a man to save me..... It's not for a man to whisk me away from my pain or hardship. My desire now is for a man who try his best to love me flaws and all. I want a man who will laugh at my quirky humor. I want a man who loves like Corinthians says: patient, kind, slow to anger, never holding grudges... And in my pursuit of God's love I'm hoping he heals the hole of abandonment I've endured for far too long... to allow me to be the kind of partner I want to receive.
So farewell Prince Charming.... and the dream of happily ever after..... and hello to a realistic love....
