Lolo's Love Life : My Brief Love Affair with Mr. Beats & What I've Learned

Lolo and Mr. Beats

(Disclaimer: As a self-proclaimed love, sex, and relationship blogger I tell every man I date that I blog about my love life. Most LOVE it. To protect them I never use their real names or give too many details to distinguish who the person is. P.S. That's how my lawyer says I don't get sued. )

August 19th I had this magnetic attraction to this musican I'll call Mr. Beats. What follows are the vlogs that chronicled how we met and how it all fell apart. Interestingly enough two weeks before I met Mr. Beats I prayed for God to give me the spirit of a nun! Seriously. I said God, "Please take this desire for love away from me, help me walk a walk of celibacy and devote my life to service." But the prayer didn't come from a pure place. I am on a journey of reconciling my sex shame, and I thought there was no way any man could love a woman as broken as me. And, even though it didn't work out with Mr. Beats I'm wondering if there's a lesson in all of this.  Here's the vlog where I first mention meeting Mr. Beats at an open mic night. 

Meeting Mr. Beats

When I First Start Catching Feelings

 Dating Mr. Beats brought out the romantic in me again. The intense feelings of infatuation, desire, and lust sparked my creative juices in a way I haven't felt in a super long time. Here's my first poem about him.

One Month In & I'm Feeling Insecure

 Dating Mr. Beats was good for my soul. For the first time I allowed myself to be completely honest, and the fact that he wanted to continue restored a lot of hope in me.

Shortly after this vlog --- it all started to fall apart. 

to be continued..... of you can subscribe and follow at Good Girl Chronicles on YouTube.

When Your Assignment is Greater

I go so hard y’all. You see it.

Trust me I feel it.

God has given me a HUGE assignment. 

I feel it daily.

Even when I am anxious , when my depression tries to keep me in bed.

God reminds me the rebuilding is not comfortable.

That when I first called Him, he asked me help set His children free.

Through my love, through my storytelling, through my coaching, through my encouragement.

So I get up, because the assignment is greater. 

God has set my heart on fire for people to feel His light through me

Because if people can see a broken, discarded, once suicidal, homeless woman like me get up against it sparks hope in them that anything is possible. 

I am on assignment... 

But I am human and I do get tired....

My heart aches. 

It gets broken, and taken advantage of...

So next Saturday I’m going on a mini sleep vacation— alone— near the water.

I’ll be fasting leading up to it.. and asking God soothe the aches parts of me.. that made an attempt to let someone in, that tried to let someone walk with me...

I’m going to write.. and pray and get back to the work of the woman at the well... a woman so changed by her encounter with Jesus that she told her village that a water exists that quenches every thirst.

Lolo's Love Life: The Coffee Shop

The Coffee Shop

I’ve been in dozens of coffee shops.

The corporate ones where the coffee is predictable.

The run down ones where you wonder how they can call this suspect brown water coffee.

I've been to the hole in the wall shops, the places people ignore.

Only to walk in and find the coziest kind of comfort.

The best blend of coffee, the cold cream, the sweetest treats.

Yours… was different from the start.

When I walked in, the music playing ignites all of my senses

The music is soft and melodic, sensual, and slow

It relaxes me...

There are boxes all over the place, a mess I didn’t expect

But the I lock eyes with the barista

His smile is pure, seemingly innocent, and kind

In that instance all the mess and chaos I see in this place doesn't seem matter

It is just me and him …. the sound of rhythm and blues

The aroma of bold coffee with a hint of sugar

I order a basic coffee because I am unsure if I will like it here..

He offers more.

"You should try your coffee with this thing we call romance," he says.

Romance ?

"Did you say romance?" I ask. "Like love romance? That’s weird? In coffee?"

I am skeptical. 

Is this some kind of sales ploy to pull in sad single women like me?

But I indulge.. "Sure I’ll take the romance!"

The barista turns his back and begins creating this thing he calls romance in my coffee.

I watch him.

He takes him time, adding every flavor with care, and attention.

It takes longer than I expect, and while I wait I take in the rest of the coffee shop

Even in the mess, it is quaint, inviting even

There are brown couches, pictures of happy people hang on the walls, natural light beams through the windows

Maybe I will come back here I think

The barista is done. "Here’s the drink we call romance," he says.

I find a seat in the back, put on my headphones, and pull out my laptop to work.

I open up a Word document and wait for the words to find me.

I want to describe this aching in my heart to have a partner in this life, but little hope that it can happen.

I reach for the cup of romance, and sip it slow. It is the perfect mixture of velvety, creamy, and caffeinated.

I have to take another sip because I am in disbelief. 

This is not like the other coffee shops I have been too—something about this drink, this place, this barista is very very different. 

The barista is watching me, a tall, light man, with chisled muscles.

He smile.

"I told you , you would like the romance. In fact I’ve been saving it for you".

"What? What did you say?"

He turns his back and continues to his work.

For what feels like minutes I sit in that brown coffee shop sipping this romance, inhaling the sweetness, taking in the chaos.

When I leave I realize it’s been hours.

I’ve been in that stores way longer than I anticipated… and what I feel in there is unlike anything I’ve felt in years…

Walking out I turn to the barista, and say, “I’ll definitely be back.”

“I sure so,” he says with a smile. “I sure hope so. I think we have just want you’ve been looking for here," he says.

I turn away, confused, a little scared...but hungry to come back for that feeling…… and a little something they call romance.

Guest Post by Danita Sanders: How I Cope with Depression & Anxiety

October is Depression Awareness Month, and this month I'm inviting a guest blogger to share her story of living with depression. Danita Sanders is an artist, business owner, mom, grandmother, and inspiration. She will share her story of depression and one of her biggest triggers. 

Danita's Story

 I have been blessed with the opportunity to share my journey with depression and anxiety thanks to a beautiful soul and mental health advocate extraordinaire, Lauren Hope. Lauren shared her story with myself and a room full of women and it was the first time I had ever heard someone share their fight with depression and overcoming suicidal thoughts even attempting suicide so openly. 

Lauren would later find out that I shared her struggle as well. And it was listening to her that helped me FINALLY release the silent stigma that I've for having a mental health issue. I wrote about depression in my first book, God, Love & Divorce: A Journey of Self Discovery, and mentioned it  in a blog or two, but I have never openly spoke about my failed suicide attempts as young as 12 years old or how I go regularly to see a counselor just for maintenance to maintain my mental health. 

Now that I can honestly call myself a survivor, I too, like Lauren (my mentor even if she doesn't know she is), want to help lift the stigma of depression and anxiety issues and bring more  awareness to the need for open dialogue about mental health. It's a new "Me too" movement that helps each of us walk side by side, arm in arm, supporting each other instead of tearing each other down. That is the theme of this blog. I want to share what I have learned recently through the interactions with someone I knew. 

The greatest gift you can give yourself if you know you have struggles with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts is first, find your triggers and second, develop coping skills. I shared at one of Lauren's Storytelling Nights what my coping skills are. 

• Therapy - I started therapy on and off back in 2000 after a major family situation. I would see a therapist again in 2009 for what I know now was depression, but I would not be formally diagnosed with situational depression until many years later. Basically, major change "can" send me into depression over a short period of time. Now that I know that I go to see a therapist for maintenance, the same way you take a car for maintenance regularly. 
• Exercise - Exercise for me involves getting into the pool at the gym. I will take water aerobics classes or just walk the link of the pool for 45 minutes to an hour 
• The beach - I go to the beach to ground. I place my feet in or on the sand to reconnect to the earth and enjoy the beauty of nature. 
• Painting - I always wanted to learn to paint. A friend of mine took me to my first paint night and I have been painting ever since. I had no idea when I started that art it would become a form of therapy for anxiety and depression. 
• Writing - Whether it is journaling, blogging, or writing books (3 new ones in the works), I found a great deal of relief in writing on my life experiences and lessons. 

Finally, I want to share on the importance of knowing your triggers. Recently, I had someone I knew "ghost" me. I have no idea why. I reached out to them several times and they would not return my calls or messages. I made one final attempt and then I decided this was too much and I walked away. This interaction upset me greatly and caused me a great deal of anxiety. It was in this moment I realized "ghosting" is a trigger. 

Ghosting is defined as "the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication (dictionary.com)."  Psychology Today says, "People who ghost are primarily focused on avoiding their own emotional discomfort and they aren’t thinking about how it makes the other person feel." That hit the hammer on the head for me. It's not the first time someone has done this to me, but this time I paid attention to how it made me feel.  Ghosting is a form of rejection and brings the same emotional pain as physical pain to me. In the world of mental health, Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment and a form of emotional cruelty. The last thing anyone who suffers from a mental health disorder needs is emotional cruelty. 

So here I was presented with an opportunity to learn about myself through pain yet again. Pain can be a teacher if we let it. Now I know I must build my boundaries and use my coping skills should someone ever do this to me. 

If you are prone to anxiety and/or depression be mindful of people who have unaddressed mental health issues. We want to have compassion and empathy for people but at the end of the day there is a loyalty to self that is needed must be applied so you can be healthy for the people who really need you and are destined to be in your life. 

Thank you Danita for sharing your story. If you are interested in sharing a blog or a story on mental health email me at teamgoodgirl84@gmail.com

Spark of Hope Storytelling Turns ONE!

It's our Anniversary 

September 2018, I hosted my my first storytelling night at brewery called Bearded Bird in Norfolk, Virginia. I had hosted similar events in the past with very small turnouts. In many cases it would be me and two of my closest friends at these events. So it is humbling beyond measure that I've hosted and produced almost 12 of them since last  year. Also the audience continues to grow with familar and new faces.

I've known storytelling is powerful since my tv journalists days. But, I didn't realize it's true power until I started pouring more my heart and soul as a blogger and motivational speaker. I wanted to give others the same platform to share their stories to a live audience. That is why I started storytelling nights. That is the primary mission. In our second year I would like to coach storytellers on how to tell their stories from a place of empowerment and healing. I am also partnering with another business to offer some marketing and publc relations services. More on that at a later date.

If you've never seen a show check out some of our highlight reels.

July 2019 Spark of Hope Show ( Virginia Beach)

August 2019 Spark of Hope Show (Churchland,VA) 

I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has ever read this blog, donated to my GoFundme (gofundme.com/teamgoodgirl) , attended a show, or one of my workshops. You are helping me live out my dream of being a full time enternpenur and author one day.

I'm taking bolder leaps to tell stories that everyone wants to talk about but doesn't. I've started a new YouTube series on my channel about sex shame. Check it out here.

Also  I was incredibly blessed to have my show featured in digital documentary series by 13 News Nows. You can watch that here

Don't miss our next show October 11, 2019 6:30 p.m. at Dave & Busters Lynnhaven Mall !

Get tickets here - 

I

Lolo's Love Life: My New Love Song

My New Jam

He is the essence of sweet lyrics in Tevin Campbell songs

He is gentle, yet strong.

He is soft, yet intense

He is funny.

He is deep.

He is my new love song…. 

He is the vibe of slow jams

The tingle in spine when I think of his touch

He is my new jam….

We kiss by the Elizabeth River… just before sundown.

It feels so new yet so familiar.

Like I’ve known his lips before, and he’s known mine.

It’s like a love from the last lifetime, reconnecting in this one.

Later--- Our chemistry mutes the chaos in a loud club….

In the dark, in the smoke, in the noise..all I feel are his lips against mine, his hand on the lower part of my back.

I close my eyes.. and time slows...

Passion is running down my spine….

He is like the Anita Baker ‘Sweet Love’

He invites me into his home...but more than that he invites me into a place so many don’t get to go.

He opens the doors to his past, what breaks his heart, and lights his soul.

The first time… I let him enter the sacred part of me… 

It is gentle. It is slow. 

The lights are on..and somehow I don’t feel exposed.

I hope my eyes and see him looking back at me.

I am swept away in the intensity of this moment.

I want to cry…. Because I am shocked that I feel this safe, because his energy soothes the brokeness.. .. his love reignites my fire.

The part of me that never believes it will be touched again, never be held this way again… 

He reminds me I am beautiful, I am sexy, I am able… I am worthy of this kind of love.

He holds me all night… even when I toss and turn his arms find his way back around me.

I place my head on his chest…. And I fall asleep to his heartbeat…

He is that moment of exhale….

He is everything I didn’t think I could have….

We can laugh. We can cry. We get lost in each other kisses.

When I am with him I want time to slow down… so I can savor all that he is. 

All that I feel next to him. 

For the first time in I can’t remember.. I want to love.

I want this love.. I want you.. I want us. I want to be your everything. .. 

I want to be your safe harbor.. The strong woman behind a great man.

I want to sharpen you, comfort you, love you in a way you have never known…

He is…. My new love playlist.
The jam I can’t stop playing. 

He is the slow song I sway to..

The bass line I vibe too…

He is my love song...