3 Highs and 3 Lows of Living in Social Distancing

Hi friends! Hi! Can you believe that this is how we're living? Being told to stay inside, governors putting adults on curfew and locking down cities. This is life in the Coronavirus Pandemic. It definitely is a strange world.

I wanted to share what my life has been like this week by highlight 3 positives and 3 negatives. My highs and lows. Let's start with the LOWS.

The Lows of Coronavirus

While this Coronavirus is serious business I think it's perfectly human and normal if you're disappointed that your life has been interrupted. We can't dine inside restaurants, popular events have been cancelled, and some college students are facing the real prospect of not being able to physically attend their graduation. Now that really sucks. I think we're all coming to understand why these measures have to be taken-- but it still freaking sucks.

CLOSE TO THE SHAMROCK

For me one of the greatest disappointments was the cancellation of the Yuenling Shamrock Half

Marathon. Since October I've been walking, jogging, and training. This was going to be my first half marathon. Something that has been on my bucket list since I was in my mid-twenties. I was 9 days away from achieving that goal when it was cancelled. I was so close I could see myself crossing that finish line. I won't lie I've had a hard time staying motivated this past week. I've been emotionally eating, and not as committed to running.  I'm trying to move past it and I am going to try to head for a long run Sunday.

POSTPONEMENT OF A DREAM PROJECT
For the past six to seven months I've been working on a special project, the first Hampton Roads This is My Brave show. TIMB is a stage storytelling show that features people with lived experience of mental illness and or substance use disorder. We were about a month out from hosting our first show in Virginia Beach. We were starting to promote tickets and the cast was meeting for rehearsals. But I am thankful the show has been reschedule for the fall. I'll keep you posted on details.

First Rehearsal with the This is My Brave Cast in February

REALIZING HOW STUCK I REALLY AM

Being homeless for an entire year from 2016 to 2017 changed my life. It changed how I view people, men, sex, money, food, myself.  And, I hate that it's been years since that time and I'm still climbing my way out. I took my dog Boo to the vet this week, because I discovered his anal glands are impacted. I know that's totally gross, but when it happens it can make dogs very uncomfortable, and the glands can get infected. Well I went to the vet and realized it would be about a $200 bill, money I did not have. I applied for a credit card which was denied due to my bankruptcy. I felt so awful I didn't have the money to help my fur baby. I found an affordable vet clinic and I'll be getting it taken care of next week. But, this pandemic has shown me that my finances are not where I want or need them to be. And, soon I'll need to make some bold moves to improve things.

The Peaks of Coronavirus

STILL GOT A PAYCHECK...FOR NOW

By day I work at a mental health agency assisting people in early recovery from addiction. It's not the job I ever envisioned for myself. But, I truly feel I am making an impact, and for this season of life it's what I'm supposed to be doing. But, the money is tight. There are little to no full time positions for Peer Specialists, and I have a cap on how many hours I can work. As nonessential staff I was worried that I would not make any money during our agency closure. Luckily I am able to peer from home calling our clients and offering emotional support. 

YA GIRL IS RESTED

Before the Coronavirus I was really emotionally and mentally drained. I think as someone who lives with Major Depressive Disorder I will always battle some low periods in life. I am in a constant battle to fight the dark voice in my head that says my life is nothing, I am nothing. And, before we were all forced to stay at home, I was feeling phyiscally exhausted and depressed. This last week I 've been able to sleep in til 7:00 a.m. , lay in bed with my dog, take time to meditate, even do Facebook time yoga, and I've been more insired to write these days. I feel I am coming out.

Here's a vlog on my feelings of depression -----> 

A RAY OF HOPE

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my future. I have another full year of graduate school, and I don't want any of this to be in vain. This year I want to set myself up for the career I want. I've been meeting with career counselors at my college, and one of things I've discovered is the reason I am not purusing television is again is FEAR. I am afraid of failing. Failing myself, falling under the weight of my depression and anxiety, losing it all again. I am so afraid I don't even try and I convince myself I can't do it anymore. I can't hack it. But what if? What if I could? What if I did as God commands us in Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you to be bold and courageous?" So I wrote down a few things I'd be doing if I was bold and courageous. One of them was honestly talking to my tv mentors about getting back in the business. One of my mentors not only believes in me, but gave me real tangible advice on how to get my foot in the door. I haven't had this much hope in restarting my television career since my suicide attempt in 2014. Here's to facing fear..

Who knows how long we'll be social distancing.  Some reports says we should expect to be like this until the end of April. I am not sure, but what I am sure is.... I can't control this. I have to focus on what I can control. I can control how I react to this social distancing, and what I do with my time. I want to spend it well, sow seeds into my career, and protect my mind.