Mental Health Monday: Christina's Journey from Pause to Progress

Semi-Colon : From Pause to Progress

Christina's Mental Health Journey

It wasn’t her blonde hair, her greenish blue eyes, or her bright smile that drew me in that day. It was the little black semi-colon tattoo on her wrist. In literature the semicolon is used as a punctuation mark indicating a pause between two main clauses. But, for people like me it’s a symbol of survival. The semi-colon tattoo has come to symbolize people who have survived a suicide attempt, mental illness, and or a struggle with addiction. The period symbolizes when we thought life was ending. The comma is a continuation, a proof of survival and the ability to keep writing our own story. As a suicide attempt survivor myself, I know all about the semicolon tattoo. And, I had to know why Christina had one on her wrist.

I first met 30-year-old Christina Kimbrough a year ago at networking event. I remember noting her bravery for attending an all-black networking event. Christina was the only white woman at the table, yet she was unafraid to speak up. At the time she and her friend, community activist Jackie Jackson Glass were about to start a podcast on race called ‘Your Neighbor’s Hood’. After the networking, we exchanged numbers and scheduled a time to meet.

Over coffee at Starbucks, Christina shared with me a struggle very similar to mine. After graduating with a bachelor’s degree in journalism, Christina says she wanted to be a journalist for a small hometown paper. She found the pressures of being a journalist was too intense. She eventually landed a job as an executive assistant to the Director of Public Affairs for Public Works. It was a job she loved but had to leave when her husband Clayton was ordered to move for the Navy.

The constant moving made it difficult for Christina to keep a job, develop friendships, and in time she says she lost a bit of her identity in her husband’s career.

“I’ve lost my sense of self for a while,” she says. “When you’re a military spouse your life is centered around their schedule. Everything is around what he’s doing. My husband’s a rescue swimmer so people are always like, ‘Oh my god that’s cool.’ The conversation switches from me to him.”

It was during one of her husband’s deployment’s that Christina says she had her first major mental health crisis.

“I had a panic attack. At the time I didn’t know it was a panic attack. I felt like I was dying,” she says remembering that terrifying episode. “I remember screaming in my living room. I could not calm down. I can’t even remember what triggered it.”

In hindsight Christina says she had a lot of stressors then. She had recently lost her job, she was struggling with suicidal thoughts, and felt lonely while her husband was away. After that first episode Christina says she struggled with being misdiagnosised, frequent hospitalizations, and challenging emotional triggeres. This year Christina was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Panic Disorder. There is no cure for these mental illness’, but Christina says daily she is learning how to live with it.

“It is still hard to accept it. It’s hard because I live with this every day. I am working on my thoughts, and anxieties all the time. I manage my illness by going to a therapist, taking my medicine, working out, and watching my caffeine intake.”

She also credits her supportive husband Clayton with helping her cope. Christina beams when she talks about how her husband’s compassion helped in the lowest moments of her mental illness.

“Marriage means you’re meant to help each other. Clayton is the best thing to happen to me The best choice I have ever made. He feels everything I am feeling. He knows when I am anxious or depressed so he’s able to give me grace. He has never wavered from supporting me,” she says.

Because, she understands how isolating living with a mental illness can be Christina uses her social media to spark conversations about mental health. She recently received over 200 comments on a post she wrote about her suicidal ideation. She knows so many people are struggling, and she wants to use her voice to comfort them.

“I want to show others that people with mental illness are just like you. A big reason I am a mental health advocate because I want to give people a safe place to speak up.”

Christina has shared her story in several of my Spark of Hope Storytelling Nights. She is now ready to use her lived experience of survival to help others on a larger scale. She recently enrolled in a Peer Recovery Specialist training, Peer Specialists are people with lived experience of mental illness and/or substance use disorder who use their lived experience to help other people pursuing recovery.

Her biggest advice to those who have loved ones struggling, listen.

“I’d tell family members to just be there. Sometimes family members go into fix mode. All I need for you is to see me and acknowledge what I am going through. You may not understand but if you can see me that is real.”