The Spiritual Spring Cleaning

I've spent the past few days day going through old boxes, blowing the dust off of old picture frames, and reading old high school notes. It's been more cathathric than I thought it would be. For over the past 6 years reflecting on my past has brought me great pain. My heart aches when I think of the television career I once had, the crippling depression that took it all away, and the family that abandoned me. But, this weekend was different.

Spiritually, I feel a shift happening in my life. I feel this tugging on my heart. A gentle voice that says, "PURGE, PURGE." Release as much as you can. This nudging has challenged me to go through old makeup and toss it. Donate clothes I haven't worn in years, and walk back into the past.

The past is hard for a lot of people to revisit I am discovering. It sometimes holdests our darkest secrets, our traumas, and regrets. This weekend I read old love letters from exes whose heartache I thought I would never get over. I read old emails from family members I once thought I could never forgive. I cried a little, but mostly I smiled. For the first time in a long time, I savored the sweetness. While my past is filled with a lot of trauma, rejection, and abandonment. It also has great joy.

Looking at my past journalism awards reminded me I was and AM still an incredibly talented writer, and storyteller. Reading those letters from past flames reminded me I WAS and AM an amazing woman to love. Shuffling through old photographs reminded me of my evolving beauty. Organizing my CD collection reminded me how much I love music. In some way this spring cleaning has brought back some small pieces in myself. Pieces I had forgotten. Pieces I didn't know I needed.

I am certain that this spring cleaning will allow God to show up in my life and replace the things I lost in my past. This spring cleaning will allow God to fill the spaces I made room for.

They say spring is the season of rebirth, and new beginnings. If that is true, then I am making room.

New YouTube Interview Series: Women Who Slay

If you've followed this blog long you know I used to be a television. My suicide attempt in 2014,

changed the entire trajectory of my life. When I think back to when everything shfit, fell apart, broke, or loss direction; I am always taken back to that moment.  The tragedy of my subsquent mental health collapse was that it ended my budding career in television news. I 've done a lot to try to reinsert myself in the business: I am pursuing a Masters in Strategic Communications at Regent University. I have contacted every reporter friend or producer I  know. I've applied for internships. I've asked around. Reached out to my old television agent. For some reason, none of these efforts have made real traction in me becoming a television reporter again. Spiritually, maybe this is God's way of showing me, He has something else for me. Maybe the market is bad. Maybe I am too old, and too of touch with new journalism.  Whatever the case it is, it's not happening.

So I've decided to just GO ALL IN for myself, and my business Good Girl Chronicles LLC. While there is a lot of uncertainty about my future as a television journalist, one thing I am sure of is; I am incredibly talented. I have so much to give this world. I am a brillant storyteller with a keen eye for stories that connect to the heart. I find diamonds in the rough. I meet people with incredible, untapped stories, songs, messages, and efforts. Maybe God is SHIFTING me to shine a light on these people in my own way.

So let me introduce you to the season I call HASH TAG - GO ALL IN! 

You know why I miss television news so much? I miss telling stories, showing the world what they need, want, or should know. Instead of hoping a HUGE corporation will take a bet on me, I'll just bet give you the stories myself.

Bare with me. Some of my video and editing skills are rusty. I will improve as I learn more. The production value will increase over time, and in the journey I think you and I will uncover some beautiful stories.

My first such story is that of Christina Kimbrough, a mental health advocate, friend, a woman choosing sobriety everyday. You may remember I profiled Christina for a blog a few months back. I had no idea Christina was struggling with alcoholism. She's over 90 days sober, and is taking people through her journey of recovery on Instagram. I did a Zoom interview with her about it.

Check it out on my YouTube Channel. 

Be sure to subscribe to the channel! I plan to do interviews and/or vlogs once a week. Know someone with an incredible story -- tell them to email me at teamgoodgirl84@gmail.com

Also if you'd like to sponsor an episode of the podcast you can do so with a donation to www.gofundme.com/teamgoodgirl 

Welcome to the season of #GOALLIN

How I Became A Storyteller: Just Call Me Oprah

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Therapist Turned Reporter

Dozens of plastic eyeballs look back at me. Everyone is naked except for a few who are wearing
bow ties, ribbons, or bows. My audience is spread out on the floor of my parent’s dining room, yet
I feel like I am speaking in my own Carnegie Hall surrounded by people who want to hear the words
that will come out of my mouth. I close my eyes and imagine those bright lights shining down on me,
the long length of the stage, and the fullness of the audience.

When I open my eyes, I’m back in my parent's house with just a few Teddy Bears as spectators.
For twenty minutes I speak to those feather filled toys like they are people. My eyes connect with theirs.
I point. I use my hands to illustrate important moments in my speech. I wish I could say I was five or
six, but I’m in my early twenties and this is how I’ve come to prepare for speeches for my Public
Speaking Class. At the local community college where I am taking classes. Public Speaking classes
are mandatory for an Associates in Psychology.  I hope when I finish my associates I will transfer
to a big place like the University of Virginia and eventually become a family therapist. In high school
all my friends called me Oprah because I counseled them on all their relationship issues. I decided
this meant I would be a good therapist one day.

I am carrying a full course load, working, and doing a research study on campus. While I enjoy my major, it is this speaking class that gives me the most anxiety, excitement, and pride. Nailing a speech
is indescribable. When I look back at students in class, and they applaud or cheer, or cry; I feel like for
those few moments we’ve made a connection, my story has value therefore I have value.
Does this make me a narcissist? Did I not get enough attention as a child.? I don’t know. No matter
the reason, all I know is that I love this feeling.I never thought I could make an actual career out of
public speaking. It wasn’t until after class one day that my teacher gave me a new vision for what
my life could be.

After one invigorating speech in class I gave about my love for the wrestler Dwayne “The Rock”
Johnson, my teacher asked me to stay after class. I thought maybe my Rock t-shirts, and props were
a bit too much and was expecting her to tell me to tone it down the next speech.

“Have you ever thought about being a television reporter?” she asked. 

“A what?,” I replied.

“You know like a news reporter telling stories on television.” I knew what she was talking about,
but it had never crossed my imagination ever. I thought the most air time I would get would be from
writing a book as a therapist. Maybe I would go on a book tour, and give some speeches, but being
on television every single day, out of the question.

“I think you’d be great. There is something magnetic about you. The way you tell stories is special
and I think you could have a great career in news if you wanted to,” she said.

I took her advice, and worked over 5 years in news.

I wish to God I remembered her name. This short, curly headed white woman changed the course of
my entire life. In that moment I didn’t realize how instrumental those words would be in changing the
course of my career, so maybe that’s why I didn’t record it in my memory bank. At the time it didn’t
seem like a plausible option. I figured it was a kind thing she said to a lot of her public speaking
students and I keep on in my studies. I didn’t chuck my Psychology major right away, but as
graduation grew closer I found myself really thinking of what a life in television could mean.
I started researching what reporters actually do; interviewing, writing, meeting people. Everyday
I would learn something new, and then share it to the world. I have to admit the perceived glamour
was exciting too. The thought of me the frumpy, funny girl from the marching band being on television
was intoxicating. It would stroke my pride and show everyone back in high school that gem I knew I
was. Isn’t that what we all want from success in our twenties to show our classmates we’ve made it at
our high school reunion?

I wasn’t sure if I had what it took to be a reporter. I was pudgy, insecure, and not the most assertive
person in the world so when I thought of a college to transfer to I applied to University of Virginia for
Psychology and Virginia Commonwealth for Broadcast Journalism. Even though I made close to a
4.0 at my community college (TCC), I didn’t think I’d actually get into both schools. I figured whichever
school accepted me that was the career I was supposed to choose. I was accepted to both, but that
nudging from my speech teacher made all the difference. I decided to take a leap of faith and pursue
broadcast journalism.

This story is not just a story of how I got into television news. It's really a story about the teacher,
and the LIFE GIVING words she spoke into my life.

I can honestly say I would have NEVER pursued a career in news if that college professor had not
kept after me about being a reporter. As a very spiritual person I think this was God's divine way of
leading me on my purpose. And, while I am not on the news today, I believe my Higher Power gave
me that experience for something even larger. I don't know what that is yet, but I'm grateful for that
teacher who stopped, noticed something amazing in me, and SPOKE IT!

It's a big reason I know and believe there is POWER in what we say. Choose your words to speak
LIFE into them--- who knows you might be birthing the next Oprah, or the next Lauren Hope.

Mental Health Awareness Month: How I Learned to Talk About Suicide

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I wanted to share something I wrote two years ago about the word suicide. It's a word that I once could only say in a hushed voice. Even when I shared with people that I had attempted suicide, I could barely say the word.

Since that time I've learned a lot about suicide prevention as a volunteer and advocate. It's a word we all need to know, and say.

(Trigger Warning: This blog may trigger people who have struggled with suicide or loss someone to suicide)

The Secret Word

When I sit down and think about it I’ve said the word suicide more in the past two years than I
said my entire life. Two years ago I don’t even think I knew how to spell it right S-U-I-C-I-D-E.

According to the dictionary: Suicide is the act or instance of taking one's own life voluntarily or
intentionally.”

The thought of suicide never entered my existence growing up. I didn’t know anyone who died by suicide personally, we never talked about it in Physical Education class where we learned about hormones and our ever changing bodies. The word never came out of my parent’s lips, my pastor’s
lips, or my teachers. 

The first time suicide entered my existence was on film in the movie, ‘Introducing Dorothy Dandridge’
with Halle Berry playing the lead. I found myself absorbed in the story of Dorothy Dandridge,
a beautiful singer and actress who rises from a nightclub to Hollywood stardom. Dorothy's story
tugged at my own little girl dreams of becoming a star, and making it big in Hollywood. Dorothy
owned the screen in her most famous movie role ‘Carmen’. But, speckled in the midst of success
was great pain and turmoil. Things I did not understand. The last scene of the movie still permeates
in my mind. A Dorothy Dandridge is found dead at the age 42. If I remember the last scene right,
Dorothy is looking at family pictures seemingly in sadness over the tragic parts of her life. 

As morbid as it seems, there was something kind of romantic to me about Dorothy’s suicide,
a tortured soul finds release in death. It is said towards the end of Dorothy’s life she had as little
as $2 in her bank account, had endured two bad marriages, and the heartbreak of caring for a
disabled child. In my young teenage mind, suicide seemed like a plausible way out. It made sense.

I never thought looking at my this HBO special through my parent’s television that I would ever feel
so hopeless I’d want to die by my own hands. But, in 2014 I did. I had been researching ways to
seemingly die in my sleep for days. And, one May Day I decided it was time for my great escape,
my time to fade away from the problems that ailed me. Each Google search I did directed me to
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. For minutes on end I would stare at the green and
black letters S-U-I-C-I-D-E with the a telephone positioned as the letter C. Could the person on
the other end of that line really help me in this moment when I all I want to do is escape?
Will they call my parents? Will they lock me away in an institution?

I know now the answers to those questions. Yes, people who call the lifeline are more likely to be
connected to treatment. I could be hospitalized, and it was what I needed. No, each call is confidential.

But, I had no good frame of reference at that moment when I attempted to take my own life.
I only remembered Dorothy, and how it seemed her death righted her wrongs, and punished
the people who had hurt her. I survived my attempt, but the cold, sad truth is thousands don’t.
I’m convinced part of the problem is - we don’t talk about suicide. In the nineties I was more concerned with catching AIDS, having a baby or getting black lung
from cigarette smoke than suicide or mental health. I remember when I first started my career
as a Certified Peer Recovery Specialist merely mentioning the word suicide made my body tense up.
I would often say it in an whisper as if speaking the word spoke it into existence; gave it legs, arms,
and a body to grab hold of me or anyone hearing the word. My voice would quiver when the strong
S sound escaped my lips S-U-I-C-I-D-E.

Today, as a mental health speaker and advocate I say the word suicide more than I ever heard in my life as a teen. I am convinced that part of saving lives is talking about the realities of suicide and mental illness. We can’t begin to change this alarming suicide rates if we can’t even say it in our schools, churches, homes, or to our children. Silence on suicide is not an option. We have to be comfortable saying it, looking at it in the eye. Words have power.
I know this as a journalist, social media personality, and writer. I hope moving forward we use the
power of our voices, our words, and our time to take the silence out of S-U-I-C-I-D-E, take it out of the
darkness and show people there is so much light left in the world and their lives are worthy of feeling
the glow.

If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide-- please call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Avaliable 24/7. All call are confidential. If you know someone who is struggling, CALL!
The Suicide Prevention Lifeline can give you guidance on how to help.
Check out their website here. If you prefer text, text the Crisisline at 741-741

Mental Health Awareness Month: Connections to Help & Support

May is Mental Health Awarneness Month! May is an important time to spark real conversations about mental health. The biggest thing I have learned in my journey as an advocate is that few people know where the help is. I certainly did not know about all the amazing organizations and connections I know.

First, I'd like to share details about two non-profits that are near and dear to my heart. The National Alliance on Mental Illness and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Free Online Peer Support with The National Alliance on Mental Illness
NAMI is the nation's largest grassroots organization dedicated to building the lives of people living with mental illness. I discovered NAMI 3 years ago, when someone invited me to a Connections group. Connections is a support group comprised of people living with mental illness. The experience in this support group encouraged me to take the NAMI class Peer to Peer. The 8 week course teaches people about living with mental illness. I learned the power of mindful, assertive communication, and how to ask for help. You can find a NAMI chapter in your area by going to www.nami.org

Due to social distancing a lot of the support groups and classes have gone virtual. Another plus, all of these programs are absolutely free.

Click here for the Hampton Roads resources!

The Power of A Real Convo : The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
I never imagined I would say the word suicide as much as I do now. Suicide was a word I just never said. Even when I struggled with suicidal ideation as a teenager. It wasn't until I started volunteering for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention that I became more comfortable saying the word, and I learned some powerful ways to fight suicide. This month the Virginia Chapter Board of AFSP is offering the community suicide prevention training called Talk Saves Lives. This 30 minute presentation will teach you the general scope of suicide, research on the topic, and ways to direct people to help.

Sign up for TALK SAVES LIVES HERE !