No Birthday Party for Lolo

This year my birthday will look different for so many reasons. Due to the COVID-19 pandemic there will be no fireworks on the Fourth of July, and likely no large gatherings. Restaurants are taking limited seating, and personally it's been a rough few months. These are all things I love about the Fourth Of July, but I understand why we can't celebrate the same way this year. Also, there's something different with me this summer. I'm climbing out of a depressive episode.

I'd say since late December I've been slowly falling into a functional depression. Here's some of the lie factors that contributed to m depression: the ending of a friendship, meeting and falling for a toxic man, financial stress, being broken down by someone I started to fall in love with, and on top of that an internet stalker. That has been my life for over six months. I am seeing it now. I am acknowleding the depression. I am working on my healing. I have decided to increase my therapy appointments during this time, and focus on myself.

With that being said, I will not be having a large birthday party this year. I usually love getting together with a large group of people, laughing, eating, celebrating one another. This year I will have a handful of people for a small dinner. I want to reflect on the past few months, eat buttercream cake, and maybe watch a chick flick in a fancy hotel. 

Last year I had an incredible birthday party; a dinner table full of friends, donations to my GoFundne, and contributions to charities I love. If you would like to help me celebrate this year. Here are ways you can send some birthday wishes my way.

You can donate to my GoFundme Page where I am taking donations for equipment to up my YouTube Game.

You can donate to one my favorite charities The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, as a suicide attempt survivor and Virginia Chapter Board member of AFSP I am passionate about raising funds to stop suicide. I am hoping to raise $500 for the Suffolk Out of the Darkness Walk. You can donate here.

You can donate to This is My Brave, an amazing non-profit that gives people with lived experinece of mental illness and or substance use disorder a voice through storytelling.

You can subscribe to my YouTube Channel - I am trying to reach 1,000 subscribers by the end of the year which will allow me to monetize on this platform. 

You can buy a Good Girl Chronicles t-shirt on Bonfire, then snap a picture on your socials to rep the brand.

However you choose I will be grateful!

Thank you in advance.

How A Reality TV Show Brought Back My Hope in Love

Welling up in my face. I could feel the burning of my tears wanting to burst out of my eye sockets. And, I broke. I broke into a river of tears, silent weeping. I let the tears fall down my cheeks, felt the heaving of my chest.

 

And, I realized I still want a profound, once in a lifetime, romantic, bended knee kind of love.

I’ve been watching the whirlwind relationships with Nikki Bella of the Bella Twins, and Artem Chigvintsec of Dancing with the Stars fame.

Last night, I watched Artem’s proposal to Nikki Bella after her birthday dinner in France. If you have not followed Nikki Bella’s journey to finding the one, then you may not understand why it struck me so hard. Nikki was once engaged to wrestling celebrity John Cena. Her relationship with Cena was chronicled on several E reality shows. It ultimately ended when it became apparent that she and Cena did not want the same things. Nicole wanted to be a mother, and wife; something that Cena was having a hard time compromising with. This is skimming the surface.

 

But, for some reason seeing Artem’s proposal to Nicole reached out and grabbed something deep in my soul. For years I’ve let my childhood and adult trauma make me feel that no man will ever love me completely, that marriage is a fairytale not made for women like me.

 

“I want to spend every sunrise and every sunset with you,” said Artem. 

(You have to watch this clip)

 

In that moment, I felt something in my heart leap. A part of me I thought was long dead. I want to be in crazy love. I want to find the one person who wants to love all of me, the partner to venture through the valleys and peaks of life.

 

Don’t panic I’m not running to the dating apps Match or Bumble just yet. I realize that the best thing take time. I need time to love on myself, refocus, pursue my passion of making Good Girl Chronicles LLC my full time job, and find a way to live independently. But, I got a little bit of hope back that somewhere in the universe God has a man just for me.

 

Congrats on your love Nicole & Artem—thanks for restoring a little hope in me.