Remembering Ayesha Faines: Ocean

I recently found out a young journalist I know passed away at the age of 35. Ayesha Faines was one of those people who epitomized black excellence. She made her own way, her own career, and carved her own path. We never met in real life, but she took it upon herself to reach out to me and affirm me. i will never forget that. Click here to learn about her.

I wrote this in her honor.

Ocean

Last night I dreamt of a large wave - a huge blue tidal force coming towards me

I stood in awe - not fear

Just in awe of God's might, his omnipotence

Dreams like this usually symbolize the weight of anxiety we feel - all rushing towards me

Those dream readers say it means you feel like you can’t control all that is in front of you , you’re scared , an impending change in your waking life is terrifying you

They are right

My tide is turning

I am building a business that I have to walk on water everyday to sustain

It takes that much faith

I have to visualize that the red numbers in my account will return to black

I have to stop holding all the people , places and things that broke my heart

But made me strong

I have to move my overweight body, push it to keep going

With the aching feet

The unrelaxed hair

The bushy brows

I beat my face , I slick the hair back and I keep going

I have to swallow every thing in me that says run when the possibility of love says I’m safe to stay

I have to look at all the trauma

Face the mountain of triggers that make me want to never leave the house

I have to mourn the people who God took from this side of heaven

Yes that wave - that tide is coming in

It’s large and it’s huge and it looks like it roaring like a Lion

But I remember in 1 Peter 5:8 my Father warned me this is what the enemy does

He roars like a Lion

So loud it shakes you to your core

He knows the pitch and tone , the weaknesses that make us turn away from the freedom of facing the biggest tides in our lives

But in this dream I am not drowning like dreams past

I am not fighting to breathe

I am struggling

I am standing

I am speaking

I am Brave

Courageous

I am DAVID and this is Goliath

I am standing

I am in awe of the armor I have now

Who dare stand against one of Gods chosen children

This huge wall of a wave is hurling at me and I am not afraid

It will wash over me

I will walk in the deep

Anchored to Gods mercy , love and grace

I will walk on water on this side of heaven

I will lead his children to their dreams like he told me in 2015

That night I wanted to die and God told me I had to live

Not only for me but for the children whose stories were not yet told

When you walk with the Holy Spirit mountains move , earth shakes and the water parts

This time I am not running

I am not drowning

I am not falling apart

I am rebuilding

I am parting seas

I am leading

I am speaking

I am elevating

I am showing

I am shining a light

I AM HOPE

I AM

This is the YouTube Vlog I did shortly after learning of Ayesha's passing. Rest in power queen.