To help pass time on the bench, I learned to laugh at myself, and even poked fun at my silly quirks to make others on the bench smile. I have perfected self-deprecating humor. When other players would come by the bench during a breakup or needed help I was always there for a little pep talk.
I have to say my time on the bench was well spent. I learned a lot about guys, and girls from the sidelines. I learned how to enjoy naughty jokes with the guys, and learned to appreciate video games. Because of that time on the bench I'm good at making guy friends. When my girlfriends were crying on the bench after being dumped, cheated on, or mistreated I was always there to show them the better options out in the game. I have even doubled as a team nurse sometimes. I helped more than a handful of girlfriends mend their broken hearts, and sent them back into the game. Now I'm in my late twenties, and I'm proud to say I don't spend as much time on the bench as my high school days. But, somehow I haven't quite shrugged off my bench warmer mentality. And, sometimes I wonder if that's why I'm finding more guy friends, and dates, and not the love I crave.
Recently I was at a bar, chilling with some of my guy friends when three cute, young guys approached my chair. Their boyish faces, and unpolished swagger showed me they weren't quite my age so I will call these guys 'Pretty Young Things" for the purpose of this story. I could see from the corner of my they were trying to get the attention of the bartender with no success. I knew the names of the bartenders, and shouted for one of them to assist the 'pretty young things.' They seemed to be impressed by this. I then introduced myself to all of the 'pretty young things' and striked up a conversation. Then I said, "Hey, you guys needs to get your game, cause the honeys are out tonight." I actually said this. I even pointed to the row of skinny girls sitting at the bar next to me.
One of the pretty young things said, "Well I was actually trying to mack on you." I stood there dumbfounded for a second.
And, then the bench warmer in me said, "Why would this pretty young thing be trying to mack on you? You barely did your hair, this is not your cutest outfit, and you aren't nearly as cute at these other girls." But, I decided to ignore the bench warmer in me for a second.
I blushed, and said, "Well then, I don't know if you can handle all this."
We ended up exchanging numbers. Long story short things didn't work out with the pretty young thing, but I almost missed the opportunity to get to know someone because I didn't have enough confidence. I believe my time on the bench is to blame.
While I learned a lot about guys and gals as a bench warmer, I think I also started selling myself really short. Each time I was passed up for another skinner, prettier girl, I began to think I didn't deserve to be chosen from the bench. When I was chosen, sometimes I settled for some pretty lame players just to be in the game.
For example in middle school I had my first big crush on this guy on the track team. He had glasses, dark skin, and a smile that made my heart skip a beat. My best friend had a crush on him too. He then asked her out to the middle school dance, but for some reason she declined. With no one else to go with, he asked me, and I said yes. I was totally sloppy seconds, and the insecurity in me wouldn't let me say no. What if I didn't get another chance like this? Needless to say, it was not a good middle school dance experience.
The bench warmer mentality has followed me into my adult love life. I once I dated a guy who picked me up outside my parent’s house by honking on his car horn for me to come outside. I finally introduced him to mother after six months of dating. He he told her he and I were just kicking it, he wasn’t trying to catch feelings. True story! I have too many stories like this.
I have learned to love myself since those adolescent days sitting on the bench. I know I am a beautiful, strong, smart woman who has so much to offer someone. But, I'm not sure I've quite left the bench warmer in me completely behind. And, I can't explain why I'm holding onto it so tightly. It's as if something in me is fighting my desire to let it go. There is a part of that believes, if I truly embrace the idea that I'm sexy, beautiful, maybe gorgeous even I will lose my modesty, my compassion to others on the bench, and my warm heart that always wants to give someone a chance. Being a bench warmer is part of me. I have found solace with other underdogs like me, and I don't ever want to forget that I was indeed the ugly duckling in high school. It has taught me to appreciate all ranges of beauty. But, maybe it is possible to remember my bench days, but also enjoy the play time I'm getting in the love game now. Can my past and present self exist together? I am not sure. But, this I do know if you are currently warming the bench, spend this time learning to love yourself. When you are confident about yourself and what you have to offer, you will be called off the bench. Trust me guys love a confident partner. It won’t matter how long you sat on the bench or how poorly you did the last go round, they will only want to learn more about this newly confident, refreshed woman in front of them. So get out there and join the game, and don't be afraid to play with your heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment