I learned a lot about relationships sitting on the bench of the love game. Occasionally, I'll dust myself off, get up from the bench, and try to go after a player myself. Somehow I mess up the moves, and end up right back on the bench with a friend card. You know the card. The ones your crushes, love interest, or player gives you to let you know that you're strictly platonic. Damn, I hate those cards. I have a lot of them. I admit I've given out a fair amount myself. I have a good handful of guys friends that I love, and support me through the skinny, thick, quirky, and sassy. I know a few of my guy friends would love to trade in their friend card with me for something more. But, going from friends to lovers is no easy task. I've complied a few tips I've learned from my time on the bench, tips on how to avoid the friend zone. These tips or rules are certainly not the only ones out there, they are just the ones I've learned a long the way. They are in no particular order.
1.) Make your intentions known early, and directly. People who are habitually put in the friendzone make this mistake a lot. I agree that friendship is a good foundation for love, but if you ever want your love interest to see you as more than just a friend they need to know how you feel. This means saying clearly, "I like you, and I see you more than a friend. I'd like to get to know you better." You don't have to use those exact words, but somehow you need to convey that your feeling are more than just platonic. If your friend doesn't take the bait, their loss, at least you know how they feel. And, at least you know you tried. I hate the wondering and waiting.
2.) Playing the Friend Card is a Gamble- I won't say playing the friend card doesn't work sometimes, because it does. One of my best boyfriends was my best friend first. We had the most intense, incredible love because we knew each other. We told each other everything, and I felt completely safe with him. But, when the love turned sour so did our friendship. We can't even speak to each other now. And, there are times I ache for my old best friend. Using the friend card to get a lover is risky for another reason. It could very well keep you in the friend zone. The more time you spend playing the friend card the more time your lover sees you as just a friend. If your friend is talking to you about other lovers then you know you've played the friend card too long. At some point you have to make your feelings known. This rule is not set in stone, but it is often very hard to get out of the friend zone once you've been put in there.
3.) Confidence is Golden. I am the queen of self-deprecating humor. I love to poke fun at myself, but I admit I may do it too much. If you keep telling your love interest you're "an old lady", fat, or undesirable then guess what that person will see you that way. Joking oneself can be cute but limit the jabs to your ego. It is one of the quickest ways to get put in the friend zone. There is nothing more sexy than a woman or man who carries themselves with confidence. If you don't believe in yourself why should your love interest? And, if we keep the sports analogy going - who wants to pull someone off the bench who is unsure they can score or play the game? I want a confident, strong player on my team. So play up your best qualities, and if you don't know what those are may you should not be in the game. Take time to learn about yourself, and learn to love yourself. You can't expect anyone to love you if you don't even see what is lovable.
4.) Careful not to Confide Too Much Too Soon - I am terrible about this. I am an open book, and sometimes I give too much away too soon. This is important for two reasons. First, why give away all of yourself on the first date, meeting, or encounter. You want that person to keep coming back for more. Spread a little of those awesome qualities of yourself over time so the person has a reason to keep coming back. Secondly, I should not have to say this but stories about your exes, past lovers, and mates should maybe wait til at least the third or fourth encounter. The first date should be all about showcasing how freaking awesome you are. The minute your date turns into a therapy session where your love interest is consoling you, comforting you about past breakups... you know you have gone too far.
5.) Fun is Contagious - If you are naturally funny or witty you are way ahead of the game. People underestimate how sexy and attractive humor is. If you look in most women's magazine surveys or articles, women say they want someone who can make them laugh. The same goes for men. Life gets hard, monotonous, and stressful. It's incredible when you can find someone who helps you laugh at yourself, and life. I've learned players who are funny, and unafraid to enjoy themselves spend less time on the bench. People are drawn to fun people so don't be afraid to let your hair down, and have a good time.
6.) Save Your Goodies - There is something to the whole saving yourself thing. Sex is one of the most beautiful things two people can share when they are in love. If you don't want to be someones "goody buddy" shall we say, save the goodies for when you are committed, or in love. I've heard from far too many girlfriends who thought that giving up the goodies early would lead to love or a relationship. In my experiences it is very rare. And, as Steve Harvey says in is book, 'Act like a lady, Think like a Man,' when you give up the "cookie" to soon men usually feel they have nothing else to work for. Before long you will end up as the late night "goodie call." I've seen several girls who only get called off the bench for the "goody calls", and it can be very damaging to the heart. After a while they realize the love they are seeking is even further out of reach. There is power in saving the "goodies."
7.) Ask for the date soon. This kind of goes with rule number one. I believe the longer you wait to ask for a date, the more likely that person will place you in the friendzone. I've seen far too many people play the "do they or don't they like me" game. Rather than leaving your love interest waiting and wonder pursue the romantic venture early. By asking for a date early in the game you are showing that person you want them romantically, not a hug, pat on the back, or smile. You want to kiss, embrace, touch, and love. It's all about making your intentions very clear.
8.) Pull Out All the Stops - If and when you get the date, don't be afraid to show them who you are. The date is your first impression. Show your love interest what they will be getting if they date you. Show them you are romantic. You want to listen to them, you care what they have to say. Look at the date as an opportunity to sell yourself, and you want your love interest to know you're the best out there.
No comments:
Post a Comment