Lolo's Bar Confessions: I love Cocky Men

(Some names will be changed to protect the innocent, and prevent me from getting sued.)

Why are overly confident people called cocky? No, I really want to understand this.  And, why is it when you are said to be encouraging that person or pumping them up it’s called; ‘stroking their ego’? Last night, while I was posting to social media, I left off one letter of the word cocky.  One letter and it seemed like I was screaming for some naughty male attention. That was not my intention at least not last night.  Let me stop before people rip off the term ‘good girl’ for me. I went out to have a drink with some old marching band buddies, and what ensued was a affirmation that I love cocky men. I am not sure if that is good or bad.

It was a Friday night and I was bored. I missed out on a chance to go to a Christian Singles conference. I was bummed. I thought to myself, ‘This is where I need to go to find a good man.’ Now I know what you will say, “Lauren there are bad men in church too.”
But wouldn’t being in church increase my chances of finding a good one? Marinate on that. 

Well I called up my friend Ricky cause he’s always good for a laugh. He said he was hanging out with Apollo, an old marching band geek like me, who I hadn’t seen in years. (More on Apollo another day, he has an incredible story and I feel compelled to tell it if he lets me.) 

Ricky and Apollo were just shooting the shit at Apollo's house. I decide I should go over there since it’s been a long week, and I could use some humor. When I got there the three of us reminisced about high school days; marching band, past loves, life lessons, and well bullshit. I have not laughed that hard in ages. Seriously my insides were hurting. About two hours into this we all decide we need to go get a drink. 

We end up in a Virginia Beach bar that will remain nameless. It’s a cool spot, but there were more shall I say vanilla people than chocolate people. I was a little uncomfortable. The older vanilla women were staring at my lady lumps, gawking at my sweater puppies. I vowed to never return. 

We find seats at the bar, and talk for a few minutes. Then it happened, my eyes stumbled upon this Adonis of a man. He had hazelnut skin, with soft, curly black hair, and amazing biceps.  This bartender had a body like ‘The Rock’ in his younger days like before he blew up into the fucking incredible Hulk. If you know me, you know I love Dwayne Johnson like he’s my own man. When I see this guy with his old Rock body, my eyes start running the length of his body. Ricky catches me.“I see you girl,” he said.

“What? No, I was just looking at his shirt,” I replied.

Bullshit and we both  knew it. I was checking this guy out. I’ve been single for almost two years. You can’t blame me for appreciating a visually stimulating man. Also, It is apparent my check out game is lacking so I turned away. Moments later me, Ricky, Apollo get into a heated exchange about the stupid things women will do to please her man.  The bartender with the old Rock body I will call ‘Muscles’ jumped into our conversation. Ladies, I didn’t mind.

“Well get yours brother,” Muscles said.

‘Yuck what a dog I thought. ‘Get yours.’ What a dog thing to say I thing to say,’ I thought.

Then Muscles turns to me.“Don’t think I didn’t see you checking me out,” he said laughing.

My face felt hot. Why the hell was he bringing attention to this? Isn’t there some unspoken dating rule where you don’t shout out to the entire bar that a girl is checking you out? I should hate him. I should roll my eyes. I should turn around. But, I don’t. I laugh, and start to flirt even harder.

“Well I was just admiring your physique. I mean I can do that right?” I said. This is the worse pick up line ever, but in all honestly I will admit I’ve used it more than once. It seems to stroke their egos.

Muscles laughed, and flexed his pecs like my man Dwayne Johnson does. That is it. I am done. I am visually us on first date; him being stupid cocky, me being coy, and then us kissing. Ladies don’t lie you know our mind goes there that fast. I’m not ashamed to admit Muscles and I flirted back and forth for almost an hour. He would pour drinks, come back and wink at me. No one has flirted with me that hard since I’ve gained weight, and it was intoxicating, Dating as a plus size woman isn’t hard, it’s just different. The fact that this fine, well sculpted man was flirting with me made him even more attractive. But, that doesn’t escape the fact that he was cocky as hell. I watched him pose for pictures with horny vanilla women. I watched girls lean over the bar in an attempt to get close to him. And, there I was ‘Miss Goody Two Shoes’ flirting with this man who clearly loved himself way too much. A man I’m sure could pull any skinny, hot, Brazilian model looking chick he wanted. Muscles was either flirting for a tip, stroking my ego, or really trying to figure out if he could land a good girl like me. He knew I was a good girl too and he didn’t stop his pursuit.

“I’m going to pray for you Muscles,” I said.

“Don’t pray for me honey,” he replied. “No disrespect I believe if you work hard enough you can do anything”

‘Typical man,’ I thought. ‘He thinks he can get everything in life without God. OK, buddy go do that and let me know how it works for you. I tried and it sucks. Lauren you are not trying to school him on the love of Jesus, just get his number.’

This was my internal struggle.  Even though Muscles and I flirted for a while I never asked for his number. He never asked for mine, and I’m ok with that.  I’ve moved beyond that type of man. I want a cocky man who can joke with me at the bar, and still proclaim Christ as his Savior there. It is possible because I almost married two men that way.  I want a man who makes me feel sexy, but also expects me to work hard to find my own dose of confidence. I want a man who will look the other way when fine chicks walk by. I’d love an Adonis, a Dwayne Johnson, a Muscles looking type of guy. While that may be shallow it is not wrong. I’ve dated and loved plenty of men who were not Dwayne Johnson looking. But I also dated and love very hot men. Ask my girlfriends. Not bragging but I almost married one of the hottest men in Richmond after college. He was bald, caramel skin, with a beautifully oiled six pack, and guess what He loved the Lord. He upgraded me, and in turn I upgraded him. I can love all kind of physical types. But. there has to be more than just good looks.

Anyway, the cocky man that is overly confident to get laid, Lauren Hope is done with you. The cocky man that is over confident to make you think he’s all that, Lauren Hope is done with you. The cocky men who can’t love Jesus in one breathe and Lil Wayne in the next, Lauren Hope is done with you. I’m a new woman with new standards. In the words of Beyonce, “Baby let me upgrade you.” Now my standards are super high, and I won’t settle for anything less. 

I will leave you with this quote from Carrie Bradshaw, “Some people are settling, some are settling down, I will settle for nothing less than butterflies.” 

Love you, Love God More

Lauren Hope