Good Girl Chronicles: There Are Tears In the Love Game: How I feel about City Hall

Three dates, three weeks, one chance meeting in Richmond City Hall. That's all it took for Lolo to get smitten. For now I'm not sure where we stand.

For starters I am NOT City Hall's girlfriend. We are getting to know each other. He is funny and kind. He told me my stretch marks were beautiful. He complimented my smile, and said he loved my hustle. I was so proud of myself for sliding him my number. Even though he is younger than me City Hall has drive, and heart. He has real estate plans in Richmond, and an amazing prototype I want to help him promote with social media. In a short amount of time I have made City Hall a habit. We text when he isn't juggling work, his daughter or his family responsibility. The dude has five brothers, and in the Latin community family looks out for one another. But I always want for more. That's who I am. I am slightly needy and skeptical about men.

"I will find dirt on you City Hall. I always do," I said.

"Trust me you won't," he laughed.

I kept searching and he was right. I looked in New York, and Virginia anything to prove he was another man playing me. Fuck it's happened too many times to count. I am tired of being played so I've turned into one of those women I said I would never be. I expect City Hall and all men to fail me. I do and that sucks. I have lost my romantic spirit. The part of me that expects a man to do wonderful things for me.

I mean look at my history. One past love wrote blogs about me and shared it; even though he knew it could tarnish my reputation. One past love yelled at me, slammed doors in my face, told me he hated me repeatedly, and said my recovery from depression killed him; even though it saved me. The man I thought was the love of my life impregnated two women within a year of each other and then married one of his baby mamas. Then this GQ looking fella had the nerve to say he wished it was us that got married. Yea that was an appropriate thing to say. I would like to say I dumped all of these men once, but I did not. I went back for seconds. Like Rihanna said on her Rated R album, there were all Cold Cases Love and I let them reach me one more time. That's enough.

I am broken. I am tired. And I am bitter so City Hall is a breathe of fresh air. There are no expectations. WE just enjoy one another, and I need that. Even though I struggle trusting him as far as I could throw him. That is on me. He has done nothing to show he can't be trusted.

I want to believe in Disney love, but I can't. The real world has shown me that sometimes Prince Charming is a wolf in sheep's clothing. He comes smelling good, looking divine, and talking sweet. Then he destroys. He takes your confidence, he steps on all your hard work, he tramples your good name, and then he leaves without a care in the world. That is my love life y'all. I was too stupid and too trusting in my twenties and it lead to too much heartbreak. I vowed after my depression to never be that chick again. NEVER. I won't let a man willing play me again. I will hit the door before it happens. Call it childish. I can't do it anymore. My heart won't do it. I am crying because I am sad this is the woman I am. I was a hopeless romantic. I believe in Corinthians, but I am human and God I'm tired. Let's just work on me for a while. Let's just hustle hard to get Good Girl Chronicles off the ground. Cause I can't take another man pretending to me one thing, taking from me and leaving. Then he gets married, and suddenly becomes a good family man. I can't do it God. I need a break from this love thing. It hurts too damn much.

So here's where City Hall comes in. He is part of two sports leagues, helps his large Latino family, a baby daughter, and a baby mama. There is simply not a lot of room for me right now. He sincerely tries. He texts in the morning, and at his lunch break. He texts on weekends and on a few occasions has called even though he struggles with phone conversations. I can't help but appreciate the fact that he is trying. Isn't that what I say I want all the time, a man who will try, a man with potential, and drive?

I adore City Hall dearly for being cute, sweet, and funny. For the first kiss and the sweet texts. For sharing that sandwich our first lunch when I refused to eat, for showing me the observatory deck, and giving me an ounce of hope that a guy like you could like a girl like me. I adore you for the kiss on the cheek and the nice hug, and that damn smile from the City Hall counter. The smile that made me be brave slide you my number. Thank you City Hall for making this broken women feel sexy, fabulous, and fierce. I already knew it but when you came into my life you reaffirmed it. That's what I think a good guy does.

Until next time City Hall.... until next time........ It's like that Miguel song... Sure Thing. Do right by me City Hall I do right by you.