"Why would you do that? Why would you want to take your life?" City Hall asked.
"I just....I can't explain how sad I was City Hall. I felt like I had nothing left. Nothing to live for," I replied.
"Well, honey I think you are amazing. You are ambitious, kind, and grounded. I'm sure glad you stuck around," he said.
WHO the FUCK is THIS man? Dudes don't talk like this to me. Men are always spitting some game to get in your pants, but here this 27 year old Latin man says honey you are enough.
"I'm glad too City Hall. I have so much to live for, and God has set my heart on fire to make my business work."
"Congrats! I'm really happy for you."
And, I know that happiness is sincere. I can't tell you the men who have been jealous of my television career, or my writing. I can't tell you the friends who hurt me because they didn't feel I deserved to be in leadership positions or given certain treatment. I can't tell you because even though I've forgiven them it hurts me that people I love couldn't support me at my high points. I know I didn't let a lot of people help me when I was at my lowest, but honestly a lot of people didn't try. I don't blame anyone. God had to show me that it was Him and Him alone that I needed to conqueror life, my depression, my passiveness, and my fear. I have made peace with the fact that I had few friends last year, I overate, decided not to shower, slept days away. That is the ugliness of depression. Now that I know how low I can go without the proper meds, support , and care I plan to stay healthy. And, now that Lolo is back she is determined to help others going through it.
But back to City Hall. If I listened to my girlfriends City Hall would be old news. They say he is too young, and bad for not traveling to Virginia Beach to see me, Well know this, I don't share everything about me and City Hall. That's the way it should be. I won't say every thing he's done or said to make me feel amazing, strong, fierce, sexy, and like the baddest bitch in the room. That is between us. I am not his girlfriend and I want it that way. I want to get to know him, spend time with him, and then decide if I want to take him off lawaway so to speak. Like Jon B they don't know about this here.
This week will be like a month of us talking, and the infatuation is strong. Let give you a window into us. A window into me as a lover and friend.
Here's some of what I omitted on that kiss date.
He took me to the observatory deck of City Hall again, and this time no one was there. We had finished lunch and I knew we didn't have much time left.
"Well what are we going to do now?" I said slightly nervous.
He looked at me with those brown eyes, and whispered, "Come here."
At this point it's hard for me to swallow. You should know this about City Hall that man wears a fitted suit everyday to work. And he looks damn good in it. He has a slender physique and he knows how to color coordinate. But, back to the moment.
I step closer, and City Hall puts his hands around my waist. He draws me closer, and like the movies I close my eyes. Our lips touch. (umm is it me or is it hot in here) I am thrilled he has soft lips, and I can feel his arms pulling me in closer. This is the stuff romance movies are made of. This is the moment we all love, the beginning when it's all fresh and new. Sometimes I wish I could live in those moments forever. The moment took me back to my school days when I loved this group called Hi Five. They had a song called 'Kissing Game', and I heard it play in my heart. I could have stayed in that moment for a long time. But, we stopped. He looked at me, and smiled.
"You have nice lips. I like kissing you."
"Me too," I said heart beating a mile a minute.
I swallowed this lump in my throat and tried to play it cool.
"Well til next time City Hall," I said laughing. I laugh when I am nervous. I walked away and I could feel his eyes on me so I turned around. Yes he was watching, and smiling.
I see you City Hall. I see you boo. Keep doing you! Do Right By Me, I Do Right By You
Even if City Hall doesn't end up being my man I have learned some valuable lessons about going for what you want, the power of confidence, and sometimes it's ok to be the one who asks a man out. So while it doesn't look like on the outside that it's amazing-- it's ok cause I know it is.
Til next time City Hall.
And if you let me.. let me love you .. you won't regret it.
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