Good Girl Chronicles: #EmotionalMakeupMonday: How A Little Rouge Brought A Lot of Healing

#EmotionalMakeUpMonday :How A Little Rouge Brought A Lot of Healing

I had planned to write about how to pick the best concealer, but my dear friend Caleb prompted me to write about something deeper.

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I’m a makeup blogger in training so sometimes I end up buying products that are all wrong for me. Such was the case with the Laura Gellar medium coverage concealer. The product was fine, but the shade was all wrong. I tried it out for a week and each time it wasn’t doing the trick so I decided to see my amazing friend and makeup artist Caleb AKA @indiecency at Sephora. I figured I’d grill him on concealer types, brands, and shades. It would have been a good #makeupmonday, but you can find that anywhere online. What I have for you today is how makeup restored a piece of me this year.

I was diagnosed with severe depression at the age of 16 and I've struggled with it ever since. Depression distorts your perception. It makes you think you are fat, unlovable, unworthy, and ugly. My last depressive episode sucked the life out of me. For two years I was drowning in my own pain, and I hurt myself in an attempt to feel something. I picked scabs off my face until they turned red, pulled my hair out, ate until my stomach hurt, and let my 150 frame grow to 230 pounds in a matter of months. I purposely started avoiding mirrors so I didn’t have to see the grotesque woman I had become. One night without warning, I looked up in the mirror, and I wept. Who was this woman? Her hair was undone; she had black circles under my eyes, a scarred face, and a broken heart. How did I let it get this bad? Where was Lauren? She wasn’t in that mirror. Depression, defeat, and heartache looked back at me, and I broke down in tears. That was in the winter of 2015. I’ve blogged frequently about how God intervened , and in 2016 I started to get back up from the depression that almost killed me.

When I was ready to start going back into society, I knew I had to do something about my face. It still bore the scars of my depression. I had three dark wounds on my right cheek, dark circles under my eyes from insomnia, and untamed brows. A friend took me to Ulta and introduced to this amazing concealer by Benefit Cosmetics called ‘Erase Paste’. After that like learning to walk again, I reintroduced myself to the power of makeup.

As a television reporter I learned a lot over the years on how to cover up a hangover, a restless night, or acne. We also had makeup consultants come in and tell us what colors looked good for us. As a blogger I learned about makeup from YouTube videos. But, what really rebuilt my confidence this year was finding two amazing makeup artists who taught me makeup enhances beauty, it doesn’t replace it. Meeting @indiecency (Caleb at Sephora) and @facebyjayvee (Jasmine at Ulta) was divine intervention. The two of them restored me in ways they may never know.

Me and the amazing Jamine at Ulta
Girl you are a light.
Talented, motivating, you are everything
#ironsharpensiron

As I was coming out of my depression, I’d spent hours in Ulta and Sephora. I wanted to play with the products, rub elbows with the beautiful people, and learn how to cover my depression scars. Over time the time spent paid off and I started to learn incredible things about makeup: brands, techniques, sales, and deals. It was heaven. But more than all of that @indeciency and @facebyjayvee helped me get my groove back. I can’t tell you how much both of them have called me beautiful, sexy, fierce, and strong. After a while I started to believe it.

I carried myself differently, held my head up higher, and over time started to find the confidence mental illness robbed me of. I adore you Caleb and Jasmine. You are part of my restoration.

Case in point, yesterday I went into Sephora to find a new concealer, and Caleb asked me if I was OK. I broke down in tears. I was sad, depressed, and I felt alone. In typical Caleb fashion he made me laugh. I dried my tears, and Caleb helped me find the perfect Bare Minerals under eye concealer. Once I got my emotions in check I told Caleb I was sad my family abandoned me, heartbroken that I let men use me, and angry that I had gotten off course. With no judgement he comforted me, listened to me, and loved me in the way I needed at that moment. I left the Sephora looking amazing, but more important feeling loved. That is the real power of friendship and makeup. I adore you.