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Monday, May 30, 2016

Is Lolo a little in love? or a lot in like?

Lolo is a little in love

   My love affair with a man I call City Hall. An unexpected twist after a valley of depression 

Love, a strong word

Love is a strong word. I dare say one of the strongest words in the english language. It is a universal word that expresses selflessness, honor, respect, longing, desire. Even my words aren’t enough to describe it fully. It has the power to change harden criminals, soften the hearts of haters, and heal deep wounds. I know this to be true. I have always loved people hard. I give the kind of love that can be intoxicating and smothering. I do not say this to be cocky but for most of my adult life I have put other people’s needs before my own; my parents, my church, my friends, marching band, News Directors (aka news bosses). I told myself in my new life post depression I would live for me. And, I choose to date a young, twenty-something year old man I call City Hall. I met him when I was trying to fill out an application for my business license. He was there working at the desk, smiling at me, and a part of me felt alive again. No man had looked at me like that in two years. And there was this twenty something kid glancing at me; a broken woman, trying desperately to keep it together, needing badly to escape the depression that almost killed her. He didn’t know it but that glance set my heart on fire. It showed me Lolo, you’ve still got it. 

I proceeded to ask for his number, something I never do. Two hours later he texted me back. For two months we’ve played a cat and mouse game of texting here and texting there. I come to his city to see him, and in the only way he knows how he restores a piece of me. Our brief moments remind me that I am an amazing woman, I am worthy of good love, I am sexy, fun, and free. I am a Alpha Female like this book I read earlier this year. The book ‘Alpha Female’ is about love, sex, and relationships as it is told in the Songs of Solomon. It’s a beautiful book in the bible that no one ever taught me. No one taught me sex could be beautiful, freeing, and bonding. I was always taught it was nasty, deceitful, and wrong. City Hall has restored so much of the good about sex, love making, and connecting with someone you care about. I am not his girlfriend, but I do know that latin man cares about me as much as his heart can. And for now that’s all I need, to feel seen, heard, felt, and desired. Is that so wrong? 

I could go on about the simple night we shared tonight, but I will save that for another blog. In this moment, I want to relish in all that is City Hall.